A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm really worried and concerned. I had unprotected sex over the weekend and now i have a big spot down bellow. It looks a bit like an ulcer. Their are three other tiny spots by it, but, they don't look like ulseres, they just look like tiny spots.I went to the doctors, late today, and explained what had happend, about the unprotected sex. I told her i was worried that it could be herpies. She told me that if, that was the case, then, it could have been from a previous sex partner. You can carry it for years and not know you have it but i got tested this march when i broke up with my long term boyfriend after he betrayed me.She checked it over and, did say it could be a spot or an absise. I did have an absise before in the same place, but i don't think it looked like an ulcer. She took a swab to see if it was herpies. I asked her in her honest oppion, what she thought it was, and She said she thought it was herpies. I must admit myself, it does seem likely, considering i had unprotected sex and this happens days later.I feel upset and i'm really scared. I don't know the long term effects of herpies. I know the disease stays with you for the rest of ur life. I know it just decrees after time. I'm concerned that if i meet someone nice when i'm older, i could pass it on to them. I've also read that, sometimes, symptoms don't show up, so what if i thought i would be ok with someone new and pass on to them, because i think i'm ok.I feel so sad and at utter despair. I've only just got over depression within the last month. I don't what to do for the best. I hope someone can just offer me some good supportive advice. I really don't need to here any, lectures or it's your own fault. I already know this, and the consequences of my actions is bad enough to live with as it. Any support would be so much appreciated! I really need it right now :-/
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female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (27 June 2011):
The best place to get yourself to is a GUM clinic i believe.
They will not judge you at all and will test you for everything free. (And will not tell your GP if you don't want them too, so it will not be on your regular medical records)
I heard a talk show about sti's on the radio, (and very interesting it was too and informative),and the (very well known) sti consultant said 'Think of herpes as a just a coldsore, but in an awkward place' think of a wart as just annoying bit of extra skin in in awkward place etc,(when you think about it like, it's doesn't sound so bad)
Don't beat yourself up about it either. And the gum clinic would be the best place to get advice about how it will affect you in the future if it is herpes/how to tell a partner in the future etc. Anyone worth being with, would thankyou for your honesty if indeed you do have it and you tell them, and if they don't they are not for you and not worth being with anyway.
Some people sleep around all the time, and never get an sti, others are in ltr's and their partner cheats and they get an sti. It's unfair, but that's life :-)
If you had caught measles or a cold or something you wouldn't feel so bad would you? Most people have sex, some people get sti's, (some use a condom and still get 1),some don't, but there are doctors out there who trained in that field to help people who do. Their aim is just to help you get better.
Obviously I hope you haven't got it, and just remember to use a condom in future (though that isn't 100% either).
Lastly, if it is an sti, you may have to think about telling previous partners, but you can also do this via gum annonymously if you wish (I believe?). Take care and try not to stress, it's not the end of the world. x
A
female
reader, HoneyEyedLatina  +, writes (27 June 2011):
 Well? Did you get the results yet?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): If it turns out not to be herpes get tested for every other std
It might also be genital worts that can be treated and removed as far as i know
If it is herpes then thier is no cure
It can be treated and symptom will re-occour but it is treatable and you will always be a carrier of the infection
Two of my friends have herpes and its not very nice
When theyr symptoms show they are in pain stomache and back and feel like they have the flu
Hopefully you dont have herpes
But hopefully youv learned your lesson and will always use a condom from now on
Maybe you should read up about all std's and youl maybe youl realise how important it is to use a condom
Youv got to think about things like hiv ghonorhea (dont think i spelled that correct lol) chlimydia (which is very common) worts thier are loads of std's ypou could catch and youv got to be aware of them and stay safe
I hope everything works out for you and your well
Good luck hunni
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A
female
reader, HoneyEyedLatina +, writes (10 June 2011):
I honestly don't think you have herpes but that's just my opinion. For one, doctors are always assuming the worst, when in doubt it actually isn't the case. The reason I don't think it's herpes is because there is a incubation period from the time you catch it till the time it shows up. From the time you had sex till now, that seems way too early in my opinion. If you had caught it in the past then most likely it would have shown up when you had your blood work done. If you do have it don't burden yourself over it. I have a few friends with that virus and they are all happily married. The doctor can prescribe you medication to prevent outbreaks. It's possible to live the rest of your life without a single outbreak. I'm sure you are a beautiful smart girl. Please think about your future before having unprotected sex. Herpes is the least of people's worries. We all know what disease I'm talking about. Keep us posted please and I will pray for you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): I'm going through a similiar situation myself....My boyfriend is the one with something "down there" but I have the ot her symptoms. Neither of us can say who gave it to who because he had unprotected sex with 2 other women besides me since his last test and has had more than that for unprotected blow jobs. I'm the same situation....I wasn't always careful with every singel guy since my last test and I was especially uncareful with oral sex (both giving and recieving)I was freaking out, I mean bad.....stomach in nots, anxiety, depression, weight loss, you name it. Then I thought about my best friend that just died a year ago april 21....she was only 33 and died from her third type of cancer. I did this to my self, no one did this to me. They told us in school, use a dental dam, use condoms, stay abstinant....and we all said "yeah right" and laughed it off right? Herpes if I do have it is not going to kill me, it won't make my hair fall out, make me unable to go out, have fun, I can live a perfectly normal life. This I will be grateful for. This was the hand that I was delt. I also read stress will bring a re occuting outbreak. You can't change it, just adapt sweetheart. It is what it is, and four out of every ten people have herpes!! Your not the only one that made that dumb mistake. So suck it up, and If I do have it and my boyfriend and I don't work out Im just not going to date for a while, and then when I do I will try and seek someone who also made the dumb mistake, they have to understand and forgive me lol
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A
female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (10 June 2011):
 honey we are praying for you. if it is not herpes let this be a reminder next time, just use a condom. my thoughts and prayers are with you i wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 June 2011):
 i have a spot like that... re-occurs and is horrid. I saw the doctor he was so sure it was herpes... he did a culture and was shocked that it was not herpes...
don't put the cart before the horse...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 I forgot, I wanted to add this link to you about some facts and myths:
http://www.famvir.com/info/genital-herpes-facts.jsp?usertrack.filter_applied=true&NovaId=2935376887934053831
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (10 June 2011):
You should ask your doctor about this when you next meet up. If you're even shown to have herpies! It's isn't final yet, you should wait for the results before you scare yourself half to death, and then when you get the results talk to your doctor about what this means for you and your future love life.
It's not really as life threatening as you might imagine right now, if you actually do have herpies. A rats ass of an ex who gave it to you, thats for sure! But it's not the end of your life. There are no long term effects other than the herpies blisters/wounds themselves, and you need to wear a condom when having sex. That is, unless you find a life term partner that would be willing to get infected with it as well.
If you meet the right guy, and I know it sounds crazy perhaps, but if you do marry, I actually don't think he'll think it's the end of the world either if he catches it from you. Talk to your doctor about this too, but really... people with STI's get married and live happy lives as well. Just be sure to tell the person you get involved with. Not a first date topic, but if you start to get serious you need to tell them.
ps. an ex of mine admitted on first meeting that he had Hepatitis B, and was a carrier, meaning we'd need to have protected sex. There is a vaccine for Hepatitis though, but it took me 9 months to get fully vaccinated, and we had sex with a condom until then. I was quite charmed by his honesty. Risked getting infected several times actually, but I never once thought it was off-putting, not a chance that that would keep me away from him (hepaitis B spreads through sexual fluids and blood, we needed condoms for blowjobs as well).
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