A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i think im a sex addict.ive had sex with 11 different women in 3 months and cant stop thinking sex, the problem is they are prostitutes and i think i may be addicted to this kind of sex.do i have a problem do you think and do you think i should get some help? p.s. i was a virgin uptill 3 months ago and now im absolutley hooked on sex
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): I can see why you are going to prostitutes, but I think that you will find that being with a caring nice woman is much better. I'm not saying this from experience, as I have never been with a prostitute. I can only compare my sex with the 4 women in my life who I dated to the sex with the 1 night stand that I did for nothing but the sex. I knew that she screwed around a lot and just wanted her for the body that she had and the expectation of great sex from someone who muct certainly know how to do it right. Well, it was the worst sex that I had ever had. I also felt bad about doing it after a couple of days.
Sex with the other 4 women in my life was much better because of the feelings that we had for each other and the feeling of love and affection that I got from 3 of them. My first wife wasn't even very good in bed and it was much better with her. Of course, I wasn't very good in bed with her either.
You really need to stop this getting sex from prostitutes and try your best to find someone nice. It might seem like it is hopeless at times, but there are some very nice women out there. I found some and I was very shy when trying to meet someone. My wife turned me down for a date twice before she finally reluctently agreed to go out with me because she thought I was stuck up instead of shy. She dumped her current boyfriend the night after our first date and we didn't even go to bed on the first date. You dan do it too if I can.
As far as how safe sex can be with prostitutes as compared to women in general. In the US, prostitution is legal in the state of Nevada. The women have to use protection and have to be tested every week. Sex with my wife at first was more risky than that. She had unprotected sex with more than half of her 10 boyfriends before me and then we had unprotected sex on our 3rd date. I also had unprotected sex with the 4 other women who I was with. Of course, this was before we had to worry about AIDS, but all of the other diseases were there 30 years ago. We were both lucky, although I think that I got HSV-1 from the one woman. Of course, most prostitutes are not regulated like the legal Nevada ones, but I would guess that most do require protection.
The other thing about the danger of getting addicted to prostitutes is the danger of wanting it even after you find a loving woman to be with. Gina has written in some of her answers how her husband doing that has hurt her so much and how it might have ruined her relationship with her husband. If you do become addicted to sex with prostitutes then you may eventually hurt and lose a good woman that you meet and start to fall in love with. Stop it now and find a normal woman. The first one who you find may not be what you really want for forever, but a real relationship will allow you to determine what you want your final partner to be like. Besides, a real relationship will be more fun and satisfying than what you get with a prostitute. Hell, even a 1 night stand who you get to spend the entire night with will probably be more satisfying than a prostitute.
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reader, look samurai dick +, writes (3 August 2008):
so samurai rick from doctor to history teacher, whatever next?
its hard to really understand what you are trying to say as your writing is all over the place.
after reading through paragraph after paragraph you finally make your points... you seem to be saying, that i think porn causes people to rape and use prostitutes. you say that i call porn the "root of the problem" when what i actually said is "many men addicted to prostitutes start out as heavy users of porn" STOP PUTTING WORDS INTO MY MOUTH. porn is not the root of the problem. relationships are. but porn effects relationships. its not an argument samurai rick its fact. so stop jumping on thin air arguments you made up in your head.
you said i qoute...
"You have the right to your opinion but so do I. Now I just gave you some facts to base my argument." - just because you found out when the term 'sex addiction' was first coined doesnt make your argument right... what is your argument anyway? that porn is not the root problem of sex addiction? no one is debating that except you! you think you are intelligent. but you are just argumentative. all i am saying about porn is that it plays its part. i didnt say it turns you into a rapist. STOP PUTTTING WORDS INTO MY MOUTH
YOU DONT HAVE TO LEAP OFF A SKY SCRAPPER TO KNOW YOU WONT LIVE WHEN YOU HIT THE GROUND....... BUT YOU DO HAVE TO JUMP OFF A SKY SCRAPPER TO KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE.....THE AIR RUSHING PAST YOU, YOUR ADRENALIN PUMPING, THE BUTTERFLIES IN YOUR STOMACH......
YOU CAN TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS AS IF YOUR ALL KNOWING SAMURAI RICK........ BUT YOU HAVNT YOU ARE MERELY SPECULATING.
all that said i do get where your coming from.
you think that labeling someone with sex addiction is the problem.
but hear this...
i have had sex with 2 normal girls in the last 2 weeks and 2 prostitutes also.
not getting laid the normal way makes no difference to if i will use a prostitute.
i have a friend who has never had sex with a normal girl. his relationships are only with prostitutes. he knows no other way to have sexual/female contact and finds it impossible to break the mold after years.
we didnt find that we had a problem after hearing the term sex addiction. we clearly have a problem because we can feel it. because we live it. so dont try demine me with your fake factual talk.
WAR OUT!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): Why do you bother SamuraiRick, you and I both know that you provided reasonable advice to this young man. Your incorrect when you say the chance of disease is greater when sleeping with prostitutes but everything else is spot on. This gentleman has understood your position, and I hope he has been given enough information to help him out. Three months is not long enough to decide whether or not he has a sexual addiction. The anonymous reader has their own problems, and unfortunately are projecting them on to this young man, whose situation is probably a lot different. Please dear caller take account of SamuraiRick's advice, you really need to cope with the rejection and find some available ladies to ask out and have a proper, healthy, non-financial, relationship with. Good luck to you. Be brave and bite the bullet, some girls are nice you know and if you respect them and treat them right, you will get respected in returen.
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reader, SamuraiRick  +, writes (5 July 2008):
 HaHaHaHaHaHa!
NO, Mr. anon…I am not a doctor, and if you bother to read my profile I do not claim to be, and would never ever pretend to be one. I will be the first to tell you that. If you read my profile I say that out loud front and center. My opinions are real, but should also be taken with a grain of salt, so I am telling you take my opinions or leave them….but don’t insult my intelligence. You started this shit….I am just responding to you. You just want to start a fight with me don’t you?
It’s on, Bitch!
Okay I heard what you said Mr. Anonymous. But you are still clueless, and if you’re a doctor or psychologist I don’t know how you got your degree without going to school and paying attention to HISTORY class.
So let’s go back in time…. Have you got a Delorean?...let’s go 88 miles an hour and go somewhere.
Have you ever heard of the oldest profession in history? Or even predating history.
Hop on this won’t take much time….ahhh yes… So what is the oldest profession in history…PROSTITUTION! Hello! Think McFly!..Is any body home!
We are talking about thousands of years here. We can even go far back before the Lascaux paintings and find examples of prostitution. There were farmers, shepherds, and prostitutes on this planet long before you heard of the word pornography.
How far back does pornography go? Now you can make the case that pornography has it roots before the invention of photography in some examples of paintings and drawings in history but art work of this type was never designed to be titillating the way pornography functions…not until a guy named Marquis DeSade came around. Why don’t you visit him on your way back to the present…. His stuff makes Huster magazine look tame.
But ask yourself why is prostitution one of the oldest professions? Because sex is one of the most primal desires and needs in Man…for men more than women in particular. And it’s a desire like other desires and needs..The need for food, sleep, warmth, shelter …all of those.
Is it possible to take the desire for food to an extreme? Yes, it’s called gluttony. Excessive sleep, laziness…the list goes on. All things, all good things can be taken to an extreme and abused.
So it is also with sex… to extremes we have what is called sexual addiction (And in point of fact the phenomenon of calling it an addiction is very recent in history…you never heard of the term “sexual addiction” 30 years ago.) It is no coincidence that the term is also associated with pornography, which also rose in popularity and became more mainstream with movies like “Deep Throat” So it’s all too easy to equate pornography with addiction.
But now I’m asking you to stop and think here…The porno industry is a billion dollar industry and its seen by men, women too, all over the world. If even half the readers of porn are “sexually addicted” and partake in criminal behavior this world is in deep shit. I don’t think that’s the case. Of course there are extremes and classic examples or rapists inspired by porn. But think… Rape was also around before porn and also one of the oldest crimes!
So my contention is that to call porn the root problem of addiction to sex is ridiculous. You can call it a symptom, but you can’t call it a root to the problem. There’s a lot of normal well-adjusted people out there that read porn and still lead a healthy life. As I said ...billions read it…there aren’t a billion psychos out there right? I should hope not.
This is just like the old argument that guns kill people. No. It’s the finger that pulls the trigger and the mind behind that finger that kills. A gun is useful when used properly in the right hands.
If you eliminated porn, you still wouldn’t eliminate the innate human desire for sex, nor would you eliminate the oldest profession in the world. And the guy asking the question here would still have a problem…..getting laid, that is. That’s why he’s going to prostitutes. When you find the roots to a man’s question you can find the answer. My answer to him still stands. I think the guy just needs to get laid without resorting to prostitutes…then he’s as normal as you and me. Stop treating him like a lab rat sex addict because I don’t think that’s his problem. What he needs is to have a girl go to bed with him without any money changing hands and he’s cured.
You have the right to your opinion but so do I. Now I just gave you some facts to base my argument.
You happy now?
Before I go I have one more thing to say. You say that a person has to have “first hand experience” to know about something. TOTAL BULLSHIT!
I don’t have to leap off skyscrapers to know I won’t live when I hit the cement.
And I don’t have to fuck prostitutes to know it’s not healthy.
WAR OUT!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): samurairick,
i posted the earlier message with the links.
i dont think your advice was that bad but its the way you explain your points as if you are an all knowing doctor.
i quote you.....
"But IF he replaces prostitutes with one-night stands does he cure the addiction. WELL, yes it cures his addiction to prostitutes!"
WHO MADE YOU THE DOCTOR?
you have no backing for that statement whatsoever.
many men who use prostitutes, are already in relationships or/and can get with girls the normal way (one night stands).
i am talking from first hand experiance.
are you?
you can not just replace one with the other.
its not that simple.
i understand your thinking but sex addiction goes way deeper than that.
and you say why am i talking about pornography.
just asking that question means you have no idea about the subject at hand.
if he uses prostitutes, he undoubtedly has used porn.
the effects on the mind from porn and prostitution are undoubtedly linked.
many men addicted to prostitutes start out as heavy users of porn.
so please samurairick stop grasping at straws.
did any one see me 'wave fingers'. i gave him links to websites that will help him understand himself, and why he does what he does.
and as you say he is not "a freak for desiring sex". none of us are. but he came here because he feels he has a problem. and that problem isn't just that he cant get laid or wants to get a normal girl. its what sex addiction does to you. it makes you feel lonely and isolated full of self hatred and a list of other things. all these things are felt by sex addicts that don't even know they are sex addicts.
WAR OUT!
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reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (28 June 2008):
SO let me get this straight...I told this guy that going to prostitutes is unhealthy for him both physically and mentally...and I am being criticized????
Time to clarify here.
Let’s separate the two things being addressed here.
The first IS he’s is seeing prostitutes and he is calling it an addiction!
My advice to him was to stop the bleeding! You can’t address anything until he stops seeing the prostitutes. And I don’t know about you guys but there are different types of prostitutes...and not all of them are clean! I don’t buy the argument that prostates are cleaner! The fact that these women are having sex with men like they are on a factory line put them at risk for disease, even if they are using protection as a rule (condoms do break)...sheer volume puts them at great risk! I was not encouraging him to keep on seeing prostitutes even in my second response. And if that’s what you read, then read BETWEEN the lines and read it over again.
But if you want to help this guy you don’t do it by waving a finger at him telling him he is a naughty boy and give him links to go to. I am not here to act like a moral judge and tell a guy he should abstain from sex or the desire of it until he gets married. Everybody has their own moral code. For some one-night stands are perfectly ok. And not all people that participate in one-night stands can be called addicted to sex! Addiction refers to something "out of control"
If you listen to this guy carefully he is not even talking about addiction to pornography. I didn't bring it up either. But those links you sent him address that.
What I did not address on this issue was the sexual addiction part of the question, and because I did not address that my advice was incomplete but not wrong. I was not encouraging the guy to go and get one night stands to replace prostitutes by the way... But it is far healthier mentally, if not physically, to date women the normal way. I was simply addressing the issue at hand not the underlying issue with addiction.
But is it an addiction and how far does this addiction go? That’s the underlying question. He tells us he is addicted to prostitutes. That we know for a fact. But IF he replaces prostitutes with one-night stands does he cure the addiction. WELL, yes it cures his addiction to prostitutes!
But if he is a then goes around and has a better than healthy sex life with a variety of other women and goes about getting it the normal way…is that so bad? My answer is Only if it’s “out of control!” Addiction is about things being “out of control.” We haven’t even established that he has an “out of control” pattern with one-night stands…He is not having ANY kind of sex outside of the prostitutes…yet! For what it’s worth he is a VIRGIN with women outside of prosttutes.
SO my thing is let’s get him out of that pattern first...the seeing of prostitutes…. then we can observe and see if there are any problems with addiction after that. This not about porn! This guy could have lived in ancient Rome a thousand years ago and still would have this same problem. They didn’t have porn back then!…Hello....think, McFly!!!!
I have addressed porn and addiction on other questions posted on this site in the past…this is not the place for it. Go look at my previous posts…I cover this extensively with direct question about it.
What this guy wants is to live a normal sex life, like all of us want. This is not the time to wave fingers. So I stick by what I said. I didn’t tell him to resort to porn to replace prostitutes. I told him to get out of his shell, become a more desirable commodity to women and he will succeed in the sex department. I already addressed that with him. His problem is shyness, lack of confidence, and maybe something about his physical appearance as well…not necessarily an addiction to sex. To desire having sex is normal for humans, stop treating him like he is a freak for desiring sex!…. I didn’t judge him that way, and that isn’t fair.
That’s all I have to say on this.
WAR OUT!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): look.dont listen to that samurairick guy i dont know what planet he's from.please read the articles on the 3 following links. they will help you understand why you do this.http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2003/nov/08/gender.weekend7http://www.sanjosecounseling.com/sex-addiction.htmhttp://www.jenniferschneider.com/articles/recognize.htmli myself am sort of in the same boat.i am 22. although i lost my virginity at 15, have had more than 20 sexual partners (that are not prostitutes) and have no apparent problem getting women the normal way. - i find myself drawn to using prostitues because they offer me something i can never get in a relationship. fantasy. it is an addiction. there is the adrenalin rush before hand, the massive high during and just afer. then the devasting low self loathing which can go on for weeks or more untill you seek your next 'hit'.it is a drug in this way. what you may be seeking is love and affection of a real relationship. which bares no relation to the fantasy world of porn and prostitutes.you use prostitutes to make yourself feel better? right?but you only end up feeling worse? right?please read the articles on the links, one can only learn for himself.alternatively google 'addicted to porn' and 'addicted to prostitutes'(then clear your cookies) which you can google how to do if you dont know how for whatever internet server and computer you have!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): Samurai Ricks answer is horrible please dont follow it (for your own good), it is good advice to suggest you find yourself a relationship with a girl you really connect with as this might help you overcome your problem. Rick's suggestion that you go out and "mix it up" and have "one-night stands" is simply absurd, it is a fact that prostitutes are much cleaner than some slut you would pick up for a "one night stand".
Assuming you are not picking up the street walkers at the cheap end of the market, you can rest assured that the girls you are seeing are taking precautionary measures to protect themselves (and you), measures that your average girl at the bar never takes.
Oh yea prostitues are humans too and they are well capable of being "classy" individuals, moreso than your average "pick up" on a night out, maybe not in the eyes of "far from classy" stereotypical prats like Rick but who cares what the "scrape from the bottom of the barrel" thinks anyway?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your answer,i see where your coming from,i am shy and an average looking guy but i am clean and dress smartly,thing is my area is just bad for women a lot of my mates have similar problems with trying to find women but they dont use prostitutes like me they think its sad so i dont tell them.thing is i dont feel like i could hold down a relationship at the moment and do just want sex but then sometimes i feel like i would want a girl,but then i see what happens when my mates have girls,they kind of get depressed and end up spending lots of money on them,but yeah i dont think its an orthodox thing to do having sex with prostitutes and i do want to meet girls.my money comes from college that i spend on prostitutes but uptil recently i used to spend it on smart clothes.it doesnt really help when girls always bully me and when i go to clubs or pubs im always the odd one out in the sense that i just dont ever get girls talking to me or dancing but they go uptill to my mates even though some of them are scruffy and dress badly,i do agree it isnt good but i blame it on the place i live in,ive even gone to loads of different types of clubs,some rock clubs,some dance ones but i never get anyone talking to me,i admit i never go uptill them to talk but the people im always with are always not very good people to be with as there scruffy or geeky.i think that also because it costs so much money to get girls into bed from clubs,like there drinks,my drinks,the taxis,the hotels sometimes and also the worry of them making up some silly story and crying rape puts me off,but as you say i would much rather meet a girl and be happy the thing is im completley normal and polite not the stereotypical person who has sex with prostitutes
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reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (26 May 2008):
My friend, if this is what’s works for you then what can I say...It really is sad. Just be careful with what you do and always use protection. It says a lot about the state of the world and male/female relationships when a guy like you can honestly say call-girls are higher class than the so-called normal women you run into. You say regular girls are not attracted to you or snub you. Makes you want to go back to a time when we had arranged marriages, eh?
But this is the way it is. Women have free choice and have the bigger say in who they choose to socialize with. As a modern man you have to know this. So what do you do? You do like a rooster and make yourself the most attractive a man you can be to get their attention. How do you do that? Well thousands of ways. As far as first impressions go you have to look right, dress right, be clean and in good health, clean clothes etc...brush you hair and teeth...you know about all that. But also live right eat healthy, and exercise to stay or get fit. What do you do for a living...pizza boys don’t get much action. What kind of car do you drive? Everything counts and it all part of the bigger picture that makes you attractive or unattractive to women.
I just can’t see what it is you need to improve to have women notice you.....unless you tell me what the root problem is here.
Are you just basically an average looking guy...living an average life with no ambitions? You must have some kind of money, or you wouldn’t be using call-girls so much.
So what is it? Are you shy? Shyness can be fixed but it takes time, effort and a lot of experience to get out of that shy pattern. I used to be a little shy....I fixed that by talking plain nonsense about nothing that matters... There's just no over thinking this stuff. What's important is you get out there experience, get into a variety of social situations and talk to people.
You know recently I decided to walk into a McDonalds instead of doing the drive through thing, and you know what...I met this real attractive girl there in line with me, we got to talking and traded numbers. Point is I put myself in the position to meet her just by walking in there instead of doing the drive through. Meeting people is as easy as just talking to the everyday people you meet in every day situations.
If the only "normal" women you meet are these snobby stuck up uninterested girls, you gotta either change your ways or find a better place to meet women.
If all you are looking for is sex, then prostitutes are the way to go... But I am sure you are looking for more than a one night stand. I know how you feel, because I go through those same feelings of lust and it’s something you have to control as a man. You control it and you focus on what you really want....happiness. Happiness is not a one-night stand. Happiness is a fulfilling complementary relationship that yes involves sex, but a lot more. And trust me; sex with a woman you love is much more satisfying.
All you are doing is giving yourself a "Fix" like doing drugs. I'm not getting into the immorality of it, but its just plain dangerous, and like drugs can potentially kill you. If nothing else think about your life...you want to live to not only meet a great woman in your life, but to perhaps have children and live a full life. We all desire that.
Look, I am single now too not in any special relationship, and can easily fall into the same trap you are in, my desire for sex is no less than when I was your age. It’s like a fire inside you can’t extinguish. But you have to learn discipline, control, and good judgment.
Use that money you are using on call-girls and buy yourself a nice suit. Something sharp...see how many women will take notice. If you are fat and out of shape invest that "hooker" money into a gym and work to get fit. You have the ability to make the right choices. You have more power in you hands than you choose to believe. Don't fuck it up man....
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim paying for the sex and the reason why i go to them because the area i come from are the "normal women" are either attracted to bad boys,stuck up snobs or too young,i can't get "normal women" because as i said above most of them are horrible and its difficult to meet them as the clubs are always too loud and they never seem to show any interest in me,there dirtier than the prostitutes as they never use protection and the prostitutes do and whether my mates try to introduce me to girls they never have any interest,so you understand why i go to prostitutes,i know a lot of people will think its sad but in a fucked up way there acturally nicer than the "normal women" i go on the interenet to dating sites and chatrooms and they dont have any interest in me either so theres nothing much i can do,i dont reallly know what to do if any one has any ideas what help i can get than that would help,the bad thing is that since ive had sex with prostitutes i cant stop,i just keep going back and cant stop
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reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (25 May 2008):
Find a girlfriend, pal. Its cheaper and less less risky.
Sex is great, I wont deny you that, but you have to play it safe. Now that you have a taste for what you have been missing, just adapt and change you ways to get what you want in a safer and more fulfilling way in a good relationship. Maybe this expereince will just help you open up more and be more accessible to meeting women that can be potential girlfriends. What your doing with these prostitutes you can do with regular women.
Yes there are women who want no-stings sex too..and you dont have to pay your weeks pay for one hour with them. You have to get out and mix it up! Just get out there!
You probably see what your doing as the easy way to get what you want...SEX, by going for it in a direct transaction with a professional(?). Problem is they arent professional. You risk disease, you risk a great deal also in the way you learn to interact with women. Its fun having sex with women, but they are NOT sex objects. and with these prostitutes they are ONLY sex objects and its just an unhealthy way to relate to women.
Get out of this destructive pattern while you still have your health and relative peace of mind. Women are real people, not pieces of meat. You have to learn to interact better.... If you want to be a Romeo and learn how to romance a girl you just have to learn how to do it the slow way...and it starts by talking to them.
Do the right thing now!
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reader, AkasunaNoSasori +, writes (25 May 2008):
 I think we might need more information here, why are you going to them in the first place? Do you feel like you need to fill an empty part of your life?
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