A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Help plz!! Today was the first time I had sex with my boyfriend. He didn't use a condom. He said he wasn't going to nut inside of me. I gave him a rag to use when he pulled out. So he claims he used the rag. But when I was cleaning up the room I picked up the rag and it wasn't nothing on the rag. Nothing at all. I'm not sure whether he came inside of me or not because I used the bathroom right after. But wtf!! I'm bugging out right now because I feel like he's trying to trap me. I already have a kid and he has 2. We agreed kids were nowhere in our future. But what should I do? I want to confront him about it. But I know he's going to deny it.
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male
reader, InterCntlCHmp  +, writes (23 March 2009):
Are you people CRAZY!?!?!?!
Pulling out doesn't work!!!
"We agreed kids were nowhere in our future. But what should I do?"
Are you serious??! Use condoms!!! This is not his fault honey. It takes two to tango and you hold domain for your own body. Go on the pill or use condoms or do something else.
Do not expect the pull out method to work.
A
female
reader, Vanna +, writes (23 March 2009):
Girl I had a few of those type in the past. I'm now married and have one child of my own. Before me and my husband married we both agreed on not having and children until we financial secure. We too have unprotected sex and he pulls out as well. When he does that i make sure that i see his sperm on the towel or rag. What i'm trying to say is if he's your boyfriend he should respect the fact the children of not an opinion between the two of you right now. And that pulling out or using a condom is very important to prevent that from happen. Now men get caught in the moment as well as women do. So it takes a team effort in preventing a pregancy from happen. So do this for yourself the next time that you and your boyfriend are intimate. Watch him if you can as he cums on the rag or towel. That's for your security. If he ask what are you doing say i'm just making sure that you didn't cum in me. If he sees that your serious about not getting pregant then he too will take the necessary steps to preventing that as well. Like i said it is a team effort. Now if he goes against what you are trying to prevent then it's clear that he one doesn't respect you, two he doesn't care about you or your body. And that's somebody you don't need to involved with. You want a man that is willing to wait until the proper time to have children. That shows you that he truley cares or loves you,respect the relationship and your body. I believe it's always the women who has the final say. Hey it's our body that carries the children. What we allow to happen,happens. This is a serious topic that you should be able to discuss without any problems or lies being told
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (21 March 2009):
 to Female Anom -
Yes, mind boggling isn't it? Irreversible vasectomy in a 20's male. But I have actually known someone who did do that. Simply because he is a firm believer in the "zero population growth" movement. He still uses condoms for health reasons when with a new partner though, or so he claims.
Anyways, this site is about offering options, isn't it? It is up to the OP to decide what is best for him/her. And DC recognizes that opinions vary, and we should respect that. Unless of course, is violates Human Rights. So I respect your wanting to be anonymous, even though I see no reason why you should since you seem to have good advice to offer.
And yes, sometimes it is difficult to "guess" what kind of "options" us aunts have to "offer" as "advice" when critical information is missing in the initial posting, and only given later as response (by the OP) to respond (aunts' answers). Such as happened in this thread.
So, in many cases, I simply try to nudge the OP to be more informed on available options (that each one of us can think of at the time). We can "tell" the OP what to do or not to do until we are black and blue in the face, but if s/he has already made up his/her mind, nothing that we say will make her change his/her mind anyways.
But for those who really are looking for advice or second opinions, options offered will serve to educate them so they themselves can make a better informed decision. At the very least, make them "think" more.
To the OP:
Just be careful and always practice safe sex. If you are the one who does not want to have any more children. ever, perhaps you are the one who may want to look at pros and cons of having partial hysterectomy? Or at least, a tubal ligation? Still, you would need to ask your partner to use condom for health reasons.
Have a good weekend!
Cat
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 March 2009):
Well if you think he is trying to trick you or trap you then really, you should run away from him.
He's obviously got issues if he's trying to impregnate you so you can't escape.
Talk to him seriously and tell him if he EVER has sex without a condom on again then you are leaving.
Then check him, and if he even so much as whines about it once then chuck him out.
I really advise you consider being with a guy who is capable of things like this.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of thanx for the info about the morning after pill I 4got all about that. And this isn't a new relationship we've been together for a few months, I just didn't want to rush and have sex. And I'm goin to get and iud. But the reason I said he was trying to trap me is bc he wants a another baby and I don't. I didn't kno he didn't have a condom on until we switched positions. But thanx again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): You seem ill-informed of basic contraception techniques considering that you already have a child and hence know the consequences of not using contraception first hand!
Get yourself to a doc for some advise, and at least use condoms in the meantime.
But serously; wondering cat- a irreversible vasectomy in his early to mid 20s?? What if he changes his mind in a few years?!
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (20 March 2009):
why are you people not using condoms? I dont get it...
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (20 March 2009):
Take the MORNING AFTER PILL from your nearest family planning clinic RIGHT NOW.
And while you are there, get some condoms!
If he won't wear them then he doesn't get to have sex with you.
Simple.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): You need to take responsibility for your own body - dont leave contaception up to the man. If you want to have sex without the complication of falling pregnant go onto the pill. Also, if this is a new relationship, why are you having unprotected sex? For all you know he might be HIV+.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (20 March 2009):
With your experience in having two children already, I don't think you should take a guy's word of promise when having unprotected sex. Unless, of course, he has had an irreversible vasectomy done already. Has he been tested negative for any STD/STI recently (i.e. last week)?
I would suggest (after you take your morning after pill NOW) that (1) you make an appointment to the doctor to check for STD/STI, (2) you ask him to use condom for health purposesk until when you are absolutely sure that both of you are in a monogamous relationship, and (3) if he is not vasectomized already and he is not interested in having more children, ask him to get an irreversible vasectomy - regardless of whether or not your relationship will last for the term of your natural life.
Please be safe and be protected!
Cat
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): Your all pissed off at him. Its your responisbility!It is your body not his. Men are selfish they will tell you they'll nut off in a rag and then they cant resist the feeling. There is no common sense for either of you at orgasm. YOU NEED to take care of yourself to make sure you do not get pregnant if that is what you want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): He's not trying to trap you, he's just wants to have you raw. Some guys don't like the feel of condoms. Why are you not using protection? Pliz practice safe sex.
All the best.
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