A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I need advice. I met someone at uni and we get along really well. I love his company. I have fallen head over heels for him. I have tried for weeks to ask him if he would like to go for a drink.. But I didn't have the courage. He has the loveliest personality and the loveliest eyes. He's really shy and someone from.my course told me he would never ask anyone out ot assume someone fancies him because he is too shy. That person figured out I like him. Well I asked that person for his number but it turned out he didn't have it. Now this might sound strange but its true, inwasnt looking for his number I was looking for something else and there it was. So I noted it down. I debated with myself whether I should text him a short message asking how he was and whether he would like to meet up with me one eve for a drink but if he didn't want to that was ok he can say no. I text him yesterday took me an hour to click send. And I've heard nothing. My friend text me to say he might be busy and that's why. But I have to say I feel a bit broken hearted. Well more stupid than anything really. Deep down I have felt sad a while because I am on my own and have been for years. I've always said I am happy on my own, less trouble. But really I am not. Andni don't think I will ever find happiness. I have asked one man out before, we always chatted and had a really good laugh and he said no and ibwas a bit sad but was ok about it but never saw him again after that he cut alll ties. But I don't want that to happen again. I didn't have the courage to tell him verbally. Perhaps its because I am a single mum. Perhaps noone wants to be with single mums. I only ever attract married men and old men I don't know why I don't dress provocatively, I am a jeans and tshirt kind of girl. I don't tease or flirt I am myself with everyone. I would love someone to love me and it ain't for happening is it. I am always happy and bubbly around people but inside I am not. I Would love to have someone to hold every now and then. I lie in my bed at night and imagine somenone next to me sleeping.. Is that really sad. I am in my mid thirties with a teenage daughter. I go out to places with my best friend she attracts people but I don't, I never have done other than undesirables (married men or really old). But anyway, back to the original issue I raised, I text him he didn't respond. What now? Do you think I crossed the line or what? Will he never speak to me again (that would hurt if he didn't I really like his friendship). Did I do this all wrong? I've spent the day in floods of tears I don't know why I am being like this.Thanks for listening. I appreciate any advice. I was tempted to text him today to apologise for texting yesterday and hope he's had a good weekend, but didn't do it.
View related questions:
best friend, flirt, shy, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am feeling lost at the moment. We spent the day togethr on Friday, he was helping out with my uni group. And we would have conversations and we'd drift and find ourselves just looking into each others eyes and I feel he is looking so deep into mine that eventually I break away. But I do wonder what he is thinking and I wonder whether there is a chance he does like me. And I want to reach out and touch him but I know that's a boundary I cant cross. I keep catching his gaze but then maybe he is catching mine I don't know. I love the things he does because he makes me smile and someone from.my group I think has told him that I am always giggling about the little things I see him do. She was talking to him and as I looked up from my work he smiled at me.I don't think I want to let him go in my mind and heart just yet. I don't know if that's a bad thing. I would like it if we remained friends, and I know I will always wish it can be more but its better than having nothing? Thanks for listening.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe approached me in the end to say sorry for not replying. We've not properly talked yet. There was stuff going on around us. But we are ok. Friends again. Talking again. I can breathe.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2015): I agree it is hardly a bad thing to text a guy to ask him for a drink but i have noticed that they like to do the pulling cos they feel theyve earned it. If he is a gay guy and his partner got the text maybe he threw a no holds hizzy fit..or maybe he already has a secret girlfriend..or maybe he's scared you are a stalker. Or maybe it wasnt even his number anyway. So laugh it off,if you need to clear things up just tell him you were thirsty or crack a joke and tell him you were holding an anne summers party and thought he might boost sales.And dont undervalue yourself..friendship often comes before romance so just enjoy yourself with friends.Remember you have done a wonderful job to raise a teenager and keep in mind that this young person is probably the most important person in your life right now and remember good looks are just that and are not a good indicator of a balanced relationship.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI cant really blame him i suppose but he is avoiding me completely now. Feel a bit humiliated that he cant even look my way. I just want to tell him that its ok... I just wish we could continue from where we were before. Oh well. Nevermind what is done is done.
Thanks everyone for your advice.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Cindycares. I get the hint from him its a no simple as fine (can you tell I am stronger today) but I wanted to see him today just to let him know that its ok I'm ok. But I think hes avoided coming in. I've stayed over at uni in the hope he will turn up but I don't think he's coming in. I would like to think we are friends still but I suppose I'm asking too much. But still I want to see him, to smile and say hi and leave it at that. I am not going to make a big deal of it or anything I am not going yo be annoyed, why would I be. I want to be able to laugh it off with him. I think mow I just want to know he is ok with me. I am kinda tempted to text again and say 'hey hope alls ok' ... But I won't I'll leave it now.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 May 2015):
 You did not do anything wrong, you just invited someone out,- which is anyway a kind and flattering gesture, you would not have done it if you had not liked the guy, and I don't see who could take issues with being liked and shown interest !, it is always a positive even when you don't requite the interest.
So no, you did not cross any line, you can ask out the Duke of Cambridge if you want ! ( well, no, wrong example- he is a married guy :)- but, you got what you mean ).
( Btw : I would not have added " you can say no ", it sounds too humble and ingratiating. I mean, it's obvious he can say no !- you are free to ask, and he is free to refuse . What's done is done, but maybe the advice will be good for next time... ).
I am slightly less optimistic than other posters , though, and I don't know I'f I would approach him in person now. I guess not.If I were sure he got my message, I'd take his silence for a NO . Yes, it would have been more proper of him answering " I am sorry, but ... "
Then again, " but " what ? I don't like you back ? I don't think it's a good idea ? I am not interested ?
.... You would have liked this kind of simple and direct answer even less, and you know it, and he knows it.
No way than a supershy type like you describe him can bring himself to be so outspoken; shy persons have trouble making contact when they are interested, but also doling out rejection when they are not. So, I think it's likely that he just did not have the guts to answer sincerely and just hoped that somehow you'd get the hint.
I hope I am wrong, of course, I would LOVE to be proven wrong !, so , if you do decide to ask him out in person, best of luck, I am cheering from the sidelines :).
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWiseowl thanks but I have to wear jeans and tshirts where I am because of the nature of what I do but when I say jeans and t shirt I mean I cover up, I don't flash off anything, it would embarrass me to flash flesh. But I always have my hair done and always wear makeup. I am always chatty and giggly.
Over50 advice, I am always hard on myself. I know I shouldn't be. Now I have sent the text I am going to have to ask him directly aren't I.
Thanks everyone.
...............................
A
male
reader, Over 50 advice  +, writes (10 May 2015):
 Your being really hard on yourself, don't apologize for sending the text. Life is going to have rejections for one reason or another the sooner you accept that the sooner you can move forward. I would not start off a conversation with wanting to know if he got the text, your already past that and that is going to put him on the spot and will likely be awkward. Just ask him for a drink after work and if he says he can't, it's not that big of deal, then you have already started moving forward. Life and relationships need to constant be moving to survive, the more time your sitting around and over thinking your not moving.
You need to get out more and open up to more people if you shut out all the negative things you cant let in the good things.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2015): You don't know for certain if it was his number; and if it was, how would he have known the text was from you?
You don't ask anyone shy out; then give them permission to say no!!! They'll say no! Have more confidence than that!
He didn't give you the number himself; and the text would arrive with nothing but a number, if his caller ID doesn't identify you as a contact. I don't respond to numbers or messages with no caller-ID. They're usually wrong numbers or solicitation calls.
Okay, you got the nerve to send a text. Now stop being a 30 plus year-old baby, and ask the man out face-to-face. Learn to take no for an answer. We men get it all the time. I'm tired of "shy" grown-ups. Always placing the burden on the other guy to make the first move. Then stay single and lonely, while you wait!!!
This is tough-love girlfriend, I'm not being mean. I'm giving you a push and a boot in the bum!
Don't let being a mother make you feel less attractive or desirable. You're still a woman. You can always say no to sleazy old men or married guys. At least they notice you, and already know the answer.
You're a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl? Well, when you're not getting a lot of dates; it wouldn't hurt to change your strategy, or upgrade your appearance. You want to date, right? Show-off your assets.
Doll it up in a simple but feminine way. Stay classy! If the guys have never seen you like that, they can only visualize you at your plainest. Sometimes they need to see how pretty you look in a skirt, and with your hair done. Lesbians may appreciate the boyish/tomboy-look more than straight-guys. Even ladies-N2-ladies like a little lipstick and softness. Maybe high heels! I'm gay. I know these things. I used to date women too!
What could that hurt? Don't give me the single-mum excuse; or scold me with "you want to be accepted like you are." Well everyone knows one look. If you want to be taken out to dinner or dancing, you'd dress differently I hope? Maybe he'd have more nerve to ask you out. That is, if he isn't gay! "Shyness" is always the convenient excuse to avoid women. I have done that myself, while in the closet.
Let him see your girly side. Maybe it's time to ditch the "mom-jeans" look. Stay positive, my dear! It's just a matter of time; and maybe a little more courage on your part. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi honeypie. Thanks.
Q.1 pretty sure unless he has changed his number but anyway I got an alert to say message was received.
Q2. And 3. In a way I think how rude not to reply. But perhaps he didn't get the text. He would know who it is from as I put my name to it... I was polite said I hope you don't mind me texting but I wondered whether you would like to go out for a drink one eve. Its ok if you don't want to. And signed off with my name and a smiley face. I just hope its a case of he didn't get the text and not that he'd rather not reply because he couldn't be assed.
Q4. I hope he wont avoid me now. But yes I will speak to him tomorrow. I cant change what I have done now.
Thank you for your advice.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 May 2015):
 1. are you 100% sure it was HIS number?
2. If it was his number and he never replied there can be several reasons. a. he didn't know who sent it. b. he isn't interested and don't have the nuts to say no thanks c. he never got the text.
3. NEVER apologize for texting someone. You wanted to ask him out so you texted.. nothing BAD in that.
4. maybe NEXT time you see him, tell him you sent him a text to ask him out for a drink but you aren't sure he actually got it. THAT will give YOU an opportunity to see if he received it or not, and him and opportunity to answer you (and maybe find out who sent it).
And relax. You will met someone who WANTS to be with you for the RIGHT reasons (unlike sleazy married guys).
...............................
|
