A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So... I've been with my GF for nearly two years. We've had a lot of fun, and our relationship has always been very fair and loving, despite some rough patches involving money (being out of work mainly). We've lived together for about half this time, maybe a bit more, but in the last month I've managed to find that she reactivated her OKCupid account, and has begun flirting again. I'm not the snooping type, but I was curious so I found a way into her account where through reading chat and mail logs, I saw that she had actually met one guy back in March on the way to visit her parents one weekend. After a bit more digging, I saw that that guy had deleted his profile, started a new one, and was talking to her again.He mentioned how he enjoyed their meetup, and though it didn't say anything outright about what had gone on, he did say that he'd felt a 'spark'. Since then, I have seen that his number is in her phone under the name of one of her former coworkers, who is female. They've been texting a bit too. Later on in other messages, I saw that she had made a new Yahoo account and was messaging from it. I guessed my way into that account, and found emails replying to Craigslist ads she had put up for what looked kinda like casual encounters. I feel like the bad guy here since I'm not doing enough apparently to keep her happy. She has never been anything but her usual sweet self to me, and even now, we're on vacation out of state. I have no idea where to go on this. I don't want my paranoia to ruin our relationship, but it sure seems like she's done things behind my back that she's trying to hide. I've had problems in the past with GFs that snooped in my accounts though I didn't do anything wrong, and I feel like that's what I'm doing right now, but I don't want to lose this woman. She makes me happier than she will ever know. I'm so afraid to talk to her about this. I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, Jolin  +, writes (24 August 2009):
 i think you cant really trust your gf right now.if that's just a friendship, there's no excuse she used a female co worker, and made a new YM account.she may not cheat you this time, but there may be a POTENTIAL to do so. Further, we all know the OK cupid is a dating site..if she reactivated her account without letting you know..the question arised : WHAT FOR??relationship should be based on trust and respect. You'd better talk and settle this matter as soon as possible.
A
female
reader, linz09  +, writes (24 August 2009):
 Just say are you happy with me??? Because you noticed her mind seemed elsewhere lately and although you know it was wrong to pry...but you had found out she had met another guy? To be honest she might be as sweet as sugar and look as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth but if she is messing you around, you would be better off without her, because the most important part of a relationship is the trust. But just see what she has to say about these meeting etc first....and your not the bad guy you just need to know where you stand.
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A
female
reader, Miami Girl +, writes (24 August 2009):
I am sorry this will be painful for you. But if she is doing that to you know, she will always do so. My recomendations are: Follow her emails, see all her phone texts while she sleeps and you go drink water at the kitchen, and print all the information you can. Do so for a couple of weeks until you prepare a nice folder and leave it on her bedroom the day you leave her. Maybe you find where they will meet one day and just send your parents or best friend to say hello to her. SHE WILL DIE OF EMBARASSEMENT
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A
male
reader, cheated  +, writes (23 August 2009):
l feel for you big time. i was in the same situation as you and my wife of 11yrs did meet up and sleep with a guy.yes you are a snoop and you have every reason to snoop.i did everything for my wife except wipe her bum. not big noteing my self but i even worked 2 jobs just so she didnt have to. either way you go about talking to her about it you are going to be the prick that snooped into her personal space.i found the way i went about it if this helps is, i took her to a park before i said anything to her. the reason i did this was to take her out of her comfort zone and also to reduce the amount of yelling and swearing that i knew was coming. hope i have helped a little
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): Well like most guy's you're jumping to a conclusion, though it sure sounds a dodgy, it could just be a very close relationship. I do suggest you're should ask her about it, for peace of mind, but don't interagate her. Say something like: 'I've realised you're are on the computer more often nowadays, I was worried you were in trouble, so I took it into my own hands, and you seem to meeting up with a guy and talking and texting him, are you seeing him?' and whatever she says take it, because even if is isn't true, you will feel better, and try and ignore it if it continues, and be extra nice, that always plays on a girls conscience!
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