A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i broke up with my boyfriend because we always fight and argue a lot. I hate the fact I did. Anyway, when we broke up...I slept with someone else because I thought it was really going to be over this time and I should move on. But a couple days later I got back together with my boyfriend and everything was okay until I broke it off again because we were always fighting. And I slept with the same person again. I then got back together with my boyfriend and now we are still together. Is that cheating or is it something bad?I feel bad and I don't want to be a bad person or girlfriend? p.s We had been together for a long time then broke up and got back together.. so is it ok to still continue the relationship from were we were, not from the start, I did it when it was over though...
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female
reader, sexylover0017  +, writes (31 December 2007):
I am so sorry but I think what you did was wrong. How would you feel if he did that to you. I think when you break up with someone you love it takes more than a few days/weeks to find someone else to have sex with. If you can do something like that so quickly then you probably don't love him as much as you think. Honestly, I think he should do it to you so you can understand how much it sucks. If you guys really do love each other then a simple arguement that results in a break up shouldnt make you horny to go sleep with someone else. Next time you guys break up, instead of doing nasty things with random guys that mean nothing to you try sitting at home with your legs closed and think of a solution to your relationship. Sorry, Im not trying to mean but it just baffles me that everyone is telling you what you did was ok. Would you want that done to you? If you've talked to your boyfriend and he acted like it was ok then honestly, he probably did the same thing to you. Either way, good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007): wow ok, i would be in your b/f's situation because i just found out that my g/f did this to me when we broke up for a month. we are currently back together. honestly when she told me i was upset and kind of sad, but then realized that we were in fact seperated at the time so i cant hold to much against her. i dont think your in the wrong and to avoid an argument i would just not tell your b/f because it will most likely start an argument, and i dont know how well you two are at cooling hot situations down like that. overall dont worry about it because you were both seperated.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007): It's funny because the same thing just happened to me and I was lookin for some people that might have been through the same and i found this website. Unlike your story I was the one who was cheated on. I get frustrated with my boyfriend at times and get upset and i broke up with him. We were still living together and it was only 2 days later that he messed with someone else. This happened in February. at that time he told me that he did it (because i asked), and then he retracted because I wasn't taking it well. He finally told me the truth a couple of days ago. He doesn't think he did anything wrong as most of the repliers feel. We got bak together a couple of days later and I've learned from that experience if you want to stay with the person you love then don't keep breaking up. We are clear that the next time we break up it's permanent. I haven't said it since and i understand now. My original point was that me being in my position was hurt to think that the man I love and have been with for 3 years could have sex with someone 2 days after breaking up with me. he told me he was almost sure this time it was over. Almost sure??Anyway I just think you have to take into consideration what the "victim" feeling are. It's not the same being with someone knowing that they have been with someone else while you were "together", at least for me.
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A
female
reader, DIE-romantic.  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 It was okay, it wasnt classed as cheating because you werent together at the time so dont worry about it. :)
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (1 July 2007):
 Hia babe, no it wasnt cheating, and it was ok.. but you are messing yourself around.. does your b/f know you slept with someone else everytime you split up? if you break up again, think to yourself.. am i going to want to break up again and again in my life.. if you are.. then babe he realy isnt the right guy for you. mail me if u wanna talk x x x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2007): Not fair to yourself, because immediately after a breakup your feelings may be confused and you need an introspection, analyse your state and your plans. Not fair as well for the person you hurry to, who might believe you are truly fond of him when you in fact come to him with an "escape" impulse - unless of course you are honest with him in the beginning and you tell him how things stand.
How would it be if these two persons would meet in real life, you'd probably feel caught in the middle. Maybe you should instead of escaping after each quarrel remain to clarify the situation, think of what unites you and how it is worth to defend it.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (1 July 2007):
 Did you cheat? No. You were broken up at the time. Is it wrong? No.
HOWEVER,
does your bf know? Did he even ask you about it? Did you ask him about it? What is the understanding between you and him about talking about your other sexual partners? For example, do you not use condoms with him, such that your bf would need to know?
Once you can know those answers, you will know if you should tell him.
One last one...if the situation was reversed, would you want to know? Is your bf being made a fool of (does he know the guy and see him around)?
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2007): I don't think this constitutes cheating- you haven't really done anything wrong, but from what you say it sounds like the periods when you weren't together only lasted a few days, so you pretty much immediately went out and slept with someone else- twice. do you have feelings for this other man, or was it just a no-strings release from your constant arguing with your boyfriend? either way, I think the issue lies in your tendency to run back to your boyfriend. If you had broken up then realised you couldn't be without each other and decided to start afresh minus the arguing, well that's ace, but obviously you haven't done this. I know it's incredibly hard when you've been with someone a really long time and you love them very much, but you're only prolonging the upset if you go on like this. if you're really determined to make a go of it, which it doesn't really sound like you are to be honest, you need to have a big talk with your boyfriend. you don't have to tell him about the other guy unless your guilt is killing you, but you can't continue this cycle of breaking up and making up, it's going to drive you insane.I really hope you work things out, take care xxx
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A
female
reader, burningbridges +, writes (1 July 2007):
Ethically speaking, as long as you get yourself checked for diseases and the person you slept with didn't expect you to be his girl, you're in the clear.However, if you break up again, wait a bit longer before finding someone else. You look like you're in a yo-yo relationship and you probably want to be extra sure what's over is over.
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