A
male
age
36-40,
*eepinghopealive
writes:Well I'm at a real loss hereAbout a month ago I moved in this girl I met online like 6 months ago,because she is getting divorced,and was kicked out of her place,along with her 2 kids both under 2,anyways during the course of our short "friendship" since she's been moved in with me I've developed feelings for her and her children. Now I didn't act on these feelings in anyway,but recently I told her how I felt,her reply " I like you as a friend right now,but I feel like we could be something more at a later time,I'm just not ready for a relationship" now I understand this I do so I'm not really pushing the issue,I mean I try to keep showing her I care about her by doing various things for her I.e. paying her bills,I'm paying her insurance,things for both kids whatever they need,all that,and she does pitch in by getting groceries,and occasional cleaning and cooking and what not which is ok.Now we both had a night out recentlly with couple of friends,on of them an ex g/f of mine,and while we where all drinking the two of them got a little frisky,and I kinda got involved too,so those are some of the reasons as to why I feel like this girl does like me to some degree,short version anyways.Now after that weekend I've had the issue,she has apparently told my ex that she doesn't want to be with me,that she only feels like I'm a friend to her and that's it,now I believe what I've been told my ex has NEVER lied to me about a thing,and when I asked my roommate about this she denies even talking to her about it,and that my ex is mad because I and my roommate were making out at the bar. So she still says that she's got feelings for me but I am just having doubts,based off of hard facts that I won't go I.to at this timeBut I guess I wanna know if I'm just being used? She let's me treat her both emotionally and financially like were together,but of I try to make an advance towards her she says were friends,and that she's not ready for that yet,but I have seen her flirt with other guys at her work,but then again maybe she is just doing what women servers do,making her tip money,idkSo if anyone finds it possible to have made it thru all my rambling,and you have some advice for me,I'm all ears
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divorce, flirt, met online, money, moved in, my ex, roommate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 October 2011):
 I don't think you are being used. I think she genuinely likes you but I don't think you should hold your breath waiting for her to change her mind about a full blown romantic relationship.
A
male
reader, keepinghopealive +, writes (20 October 2011):
keepinghopealive is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the awnsers and to reply to some the comments may e I wasn't clear for that I apologize,so ill lay it out numerically...1. I am not paying all her bills and what not because I want to buy her love,I'm not that type of guy,I really am genuinely trying to help her,but I have developed these feeling over a course of time,and I've told her about it,and she says she feels like we will " get there " and I guess that kinda confuses me2. If she wants to be with someone other then myself that's fine,it don't bother me in anyway at all it really don't,and if she left tomorrow it wouldn't hurt me cause she used me financially,idk how to explain that,I see it as helping her when she's down on her luck so I don't expect anything from her in a sexual respect,if that happens that it happens is the way I see that3. She says she doesn't want a relationship with ANYONE right now,not just me,but I honestly think she does like me to some degree,its just little thing that happen when were all alone I.e. sometimes shell hold my hand when were driving,other times she pulls away when I go to grab hers,she will give me shoulder massages,since I work construction so I'm constantly sore,often she will txt or call throughput the day and see how I'm doing,just thing like that,idk maybe I'm reading into it too much But thanks for the responses it helps some,and if anything changes I know who ill ask :-) thanks again all
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A
female
reader, yowie  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 well, she has already told you " I like you as a friend right now,but I feel like we could be something more at a later time,I'm just not ready for a relationship". Are you willing to wait for something that may never happen?
While its good that you are being a friend to her, its not ok on her part to be taking advantage of you, because thats what shes doing. Cooking cleaning etc imo would cover rent and board, but there is no way you should be paying her bills, insurance or buying things for HER kids.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): yes she's using you. I would believe her when she tells you she doesn't want to be in a real relationship with you, because her actions show that: her flirting with other guys, and flat out telling you she doesn't want a relationship with you.
therefore she's using you.
however. are you trying to manipulate her or are you really being a well intentioned friend? I mean, are you only helping her out because you are hoping to buy her love?
if you're going to help her (or anyone for that matter) then you should do it from honest and pure intentions and not because you're hoping it will make them want to be with you. Paying her bills and insurance and her kids' stuff and letting her live with you - these are pretty big sacrifices to make for someone. I mean, many people don't even do that for their family members! So you really need to question your motives and intentions for doing this. Are you trying to play house hoping that it will turn into the real thing? That's not a good idea.
are you OK with the idea of her getting a new bf, moving out and basically saying "thanks for paying my bills and buying me stuff, bye now." ? If you're not OK with that scenario then you shouldn't be "helping" her now in that manner because it's not coming from a place of truly good intention. you should only give as much as you can with a pure heart otherwise it's not friendship and caring it's an attempt at manipulation.
if you really would be OK if she disappeared tomorrow with just a "thanks", then you're a saint. And yes she is using you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): For what it's worth, I don't think she is genuinely trying to hurt you.
It's likely she only sees you as a friend, and has told you that your face several times.
Just because you are helping out financially, it does not give you the right to expect anything in return. She is not a prostitute. You are WILLINGLY giving her this assistance.
To do so with ANY desire for return is not the right mindset. You SHOULD be helping her out because you like her and want to help out a friend, even if you have deeper feelings than that.
That said, if she KNOWS you have deeper feelings and plays on them... that is not a nice thing.
I think you should either tell her you want to try for a relationship, or let it lie and just enjoy a friendship but don't allow yourself to be taken for a ride. Your job as a friend will be to help her get onto her feet, get her her own place and move on from the divorce.
Flynn 24
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