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female
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anonymous
writes: there is a guy i work with we have been flirting and emailing all day long.i bumped into him on a night out and we ended up sleeping together and had an amazing night.i really like the guy but i feel that now he doesnt want anything more to do with me as being at work makes things really hard and he looked really embarassed this morning when i saw him and he wasnt his normally chatty self. all i got was a hi.im scared he will hate me now and regret what happened?
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female
reader, bonym  +, writes (12 June 2006):
 sorry here is the rest,I pressed enter by accident.....
I do have to agree with her. Dont just go to bed with a guy so soon after a night out, get to know each other, build a relationship, become lovers first not lust partners. xXx
A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (12 June 2006):
My dear it looks to me as if this guy was not really into you as much as you would have hoped and the alcohol unfortunately may haver had some part to play in the fact that you slept together. I am not going to say that you are stupid and you deserve what you get but listen my dear, if you treat yourself with respect you will gain respect. Having casual sex with a workmate can only lead to dister if its purely based on lust. Perhaps I am not as bold as Anja but
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (12 June 2006):
 There is some (unfortunate) truth to what Anja says. Bear in mind I am generalizing here, but there is some truth to what I am about to say.
In a way, when a man tries to sleep with you quickly he is testing you. He's happy to have sex straight away, but if you do have sex, then he labels you (subconsciously) as 'easy' or a 'slut'.
He's quite happy to have conquered you (notch on the bedpost), but once you have aquired that label then he's very unlikely to want to have a commited relationship with you. This is because he'll assume that you're equally as likely to jump quickly into bed with another man in a similar situation. Namely, that you're not trustworthy, that you're not worthy of the effort of committment and a longer term relationship. 'Easy come, easy go' so to speak.
Frequently men will continue in this situation for a while, having sex and showing some level of committment and interest. But all the while they are fixed on the exit and at some point will leave. It's not uncommon for men to not even know they are doing this, they'll think they're telling the truth that "this relationship is serious, i think it has a future" and when they say it, they sort of believe it. But eventually the subconscious label of 'slut' or 'easy' surfaces and they find themselves growing colder and more distant.
It's just the way we're made as animals, all of this behaviour has been explained by very basic human instincts and gene-driven behaviour. Meaning its perfectly 'normal', even if it is unfortunate.
Sadly, my advice is, if you want a serious relationship with a man, you are MUCH better off by dating for as long as you can before you have sex with him. The longer you wait, the more the man will trust you and find it easy to commit to you when you finally do have sex and enter into a boyfriend / girlfriend relationship. Since you had sex effectively 'on your first date', the chances of being able to build a strong long term relationship are lower.
I'll repeat that I am generalizing. Of course good lasting relationships have been formed from sex on the first date situations. But it certainly makes it more difficult and the man in particular will have some demons to deal with on the road to complete trust and acceptance.
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A
female
reader, Anja +, writes (12 June 2006):
 What do you expect after jumping into bed with him so bloody fast? He probably just though you were in for a quick one and especially after you been out that night DRINKNIG, no wonder he is not interested, if you can easily jump into bed with him...how many others have you easily jumped into bed with? Sorry that I have no sympathy like the other Aunties here, I get to the point and not interested in sweet 'it will be alrights' cos life is not like that! Anyway suspect my rating will go down again for being so honest. Oh well (sighs)...
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A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (12 June 2006):
 Oh dfear Iam sorry to hear that its looks to me like it was just a one off becauise that was problably what he was looking for may be he feels shy and embarrassed about what had happened may be he is married or has another woman which is why hw he is giving you the cold shoulder is you ask me for get this guy and just put it down to one off those casualk flings remebring that you had a good time with him will help soothe this situation. don't worry you will find someone who is more rewarding.
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A
female
reader, Helen Help! :) +, writes (12 June 2006):
 Hey huni :)
i think the best way to sort this, as its not as easy to jus walk up and say "hey bout other night what u think" cuz thts jus way to scary lol is jus play it cool n pretend like it didnt happen for a while as much as u may like him he'll feel more at ease wi u if theres no pressure on him because i bet he knows ur dying to say something to him about it so if u jus ignore it and walk up to him n chat about something random n not about what happend he'll become at ease with u again n the flirtin will start bk up once thts started again u should deffinatly ask him for a drink or dinner.
Good luck let me know how things go which ever advise u decide to take :) .Helen x
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A
male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (12 June 2006):
 This sounds to me like he is afraid that you regret it and dont want to talk to him.
You are probably both in the same frame of mind.
You need to break the ice as it seems unlikely that he will make the first move here.
Email the guy or ask him outright.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (12 June 2006):
 Hey sweetie
Well i have to say i completely agree with wendy here her advice is spot on as ususal, thats the only way your actually gonna know where you stand with this guy i'm afraid your gonna just have to bite the bullet and ask him :o)...
I hope my advice was able to help you out with your situation sweetie and good luck with this... if you ever need a friend or a chat or just more advice don't hesitate to email me sweetie, I would love to hear from you again and know how you got on... Remember i'm always here for you anytime ok
You Take Care Sweetie X
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (12 June 2006):
 Only one way to find out! Mail him, break the ice! Its always hard when these things happen around the work place. He could just be feeling as awkward as you are, and doesnt know how to play it, so he too is feeling embarrased. Maybe mail him, act all casual, ask if he had a good night, something along those lines, say that you dont want it to affect your working life, and that your totally cool that it happend. If he wants to meet up again all well and good, but if he doesnt take the approach it happend and you will have to move on. But until you ask your not going to know, so a subtle mail worded pretty casually could save face if he does simply want to forget it, but equally he may want to take it further but doesnt think you are interested, at least you will know one way or the other if you mail him!
Good luck
x
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