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female
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anonymous
writes: Is it ok to just have fun? I met this gorgeous guy a few weeks ago didn't think I'd have a chance with him but we talked then snogged and have now begun a very casual physical relationship. Both of us have come out of long term relationships a few months ago so have made it clear there is no future for us as a couple and I have to move out of my flat at the end of the month anyway. He makes me smile lots which I didn't think was possible after the mess my ex left me in and he's even ten times better than my ex in so many ways so he's helped close that door to my heart at least. My problem is I worry whether this is good for me right now to just have fun or whether I'm setting myself up for a big fall when I have to leave at the end of the month. Of course I don't love him this is a lust, enjoy it while it lasts thing but am I being silly?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2006): You say 'we have decided there is no future', but I get the feeling he said this as it sounds like you want more. If that's true, then yes your setting yourself up for getting hurt in the long run....no matter how good it feels right now.
A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (12 June 2006):
 dear reader i don't think your being silly at all everyone is intitled to have a bit of fun you just need to be carefull lets face it your moving at the end of the month so why worry just put it to experiance if thats what you want you said you have both made it clear you want nothing serious and i hope your not just trying to convince yourself its just "lust" if you even think you might have feelings for him you either need to stop it now or talk to him. you never know whats round the next corner you just need to take each day as it comes. as for setting yourself up for a fall well all i can say to that is make sure you don't you have control in what happens to you your a free woman.
i wish you luck with this and also your move just as i say be carefull you know what being hurt feels like
all the best xxx
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A
female
reader, sibaan +, writes (12 June 2006):
 we all need to have a little fun sometimes....
but sometimes to much fun leads to trouble.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (12 June 2006):
 I agree go out and be happy, have some fun, but you do run the danger of falling for him. I know you say its lust, but well he makes you feel this good, he has filled a gap that your ex left, be careful that once this no strings guy walks out that he doesnt leave the same gap! You need to make sure you are strong enough to do this, you do run the risk of feeling more for him than you want, it sounds as though you have already compared him to your ex and you know hes already better than him, which to me says you have got more than just lust for this guy, you have infact put in your mind that he is boyfriend material. Now I dont know if your are hanging in there to have the fun, or hanging in with this guy hoping that he may fall too ? a lot of these cases always ends up where one person wants more, i know ive had a sitution like that, and it left me feeling worse than a relationship break up... We are totally cool when we are in it, but as soon as it ends there is something missing that we crave and we become hurt again. Just make sure you are doing this for the right reasons, I know right now your are feeling alive and great etc, but make sure that you can still feel all that without the need for this guy, it shouldnt just be him making you feel like that.
Take care x x
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (12 June 2006):
 Be careful. It sounds to me like you really like this guy. If you get more involved with him you could quite easily fall in love. Since you've agreed beforehand with him that this is 'only casual' then you'll end up in a bad situation: with you wanting more and him probably not. That road leads to heartbreak.
My experience has been that in these situations one person almost always ends up falling for the other anyway, and the end result is messy. You might be one of the lucky few that can make it work and come out unscathed, but you might not.
One other thing that you might want to consider (you may not care) is that quite a few men struggle in committed relationships when they know that their girlfriend engaged in 'casual sex' or 'casual relationships' in the past. It can be a major trigger for jealousy. I've seen otherwise good relationships end because a man has been unable to trust his partner when he learned that her past included this. Like I said this may not matter to you, but you may want to consider it.
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A
female
reader, Anja +, writes (12 June 2006):
 Are you happy? Enjoying yourself? Feel good about yourself? Sounds like you are, just enjoy for the short time. Sounds like it is a stepping stone for you to get away form the hurt of your previous relationship. But this won't last, you know that already so while you may be a little upset whan it ends, it hopefully has helped you move on. Then spend some time on your own and be strong and independent and enjoy life!! As you don't love him you are not going to really lose anything apart from the sex. But love is far more important then sex, it's been good, and fun and has brought a smile back on your face. Continue to hold your head up with a smile after too...!
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