A
female
age
30-35,
*milyMarneth1
writes:I know I will be judged for this, and I know that it will be difficult for some to try and think of this in an unbiased manner. But I wish to say in my defense three things:1.) There is no law against a relationship of this type.2.) The bible says nothing against it.3.) Love is unbiased by the paltry matters of a word on paper, created for someone to objectify a near bloodless relationship.I want to give a little background before I state the truth. If you don't care about background, I have the real problem marked with six stars (*) . That and the following paragraph are all-important to the question. But I ask everyone to please read the entire thing before they judge, whether or not they answer.I've always been afraid of the dark, so I've always seen things and heard things... But when I was a kid, there was only one person who I was ever truly comfortable with... When I heard things, she was speak to me. When I saw things, she'd hide them from me... I didn't think much of it at first, but as time went on, I just couldn't forget about her, despite being completely across the country. It took a couple of years, but I slowly began to realize something... The realization brought with it the realization that I could never be with her, and even though I tried, I could never even try to tell her. Not telling her is the only thing in my life that I truly regret, and this is the only thing in my life that I can honestly say that I find challenging to say. ******I am in love with my second cousin.Lately, I have been thinking more and more about her... And I should have trusted my instincts and at least tried... Now she's pregnant and getting married this June... But I promised myself that I would tell her eventually, so I'm bound by my word to tell her... The main problem is that her family has a long line of marrying young and staying married permanently, so I feel absolutely /wrong/ for thinking about telling her, because now I think of what could happen to her marriage, and what would have to happen to it in order for me to tell her after she gets married.I, in short, don't know what to do... I can answer every question but this one, and I feel this emptiness that physically pains me every day that I don't tell her. I can't hold a relationship, but I am a very affectionate person by nature. It's quite literally ruinging my life, because I can't ever focus on anyone or anything, and I have a need for companionship that can't be met. I feel that if I were to tell her, I might get some sort of reprieve from the overwhelming lack of feeling and meaning in my life, but I don't know if it's the right thing to do, considering that I don't have the means to support a child, nor to support her at the moment... I fear that telling her would change the way she saw me forever. But I think I could live with that. I think that if she hated me, I could stand to be away from her for the sake that my absence would make her happier. The real dilemma is that she was the only person I've ever truly trusted and loved like this, and even after a decade of trying to suppress this emotion, all I've succeeded in is suppressing the rest of my emotions.I don't really know if anyone out there cares, and I don't honestly fear being judged by anyone other than her. If I can make her happy, any price is worth paying. But telling her might cost me more than I bargained for. I need help. I don't have much time, and I would appreciate anyone's feedback, or anyone's comments of any sort... I thank you from the depths of my soul for anything you can add, of whatever origin.
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female
reader, EmilyMarneth1 +, writes (13 May 2009):
EmilyMarneth1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHank you everyone for your input. I only said I would be juedged because I hate myself for the selfishness of the thought. I'm not a simpleton, and I understand that it's nothing but the delusions of a selfish fantasy. Thank you, and I wish you all the best of luck in the times ahead.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (13 May 2009):
 I agree with rcn, there is no way you should tell her how you feel. She seems to be very happy in her life and choices, she has a child therefore you would be wrecking a happy home if you tried to make a relationship with her. She clearly is interested in men, not women therefore you stand no chance in having a relationship with her. The only possible outcome for you revealing your feelings to her is that she is shocked, pretty disgusted and either a) never speaks to you again or b) tells the rest of your family and they all stop speaking to you too.
I think you are completely misguided on your feelings - you have decided you are in love with someone that you rarely see who comforted you when you were a child because you were scared of the dark. This is NOT love, this is a fantasy you have created. Love only comes from being truly intimate with a person, from knowing them inside and out and them knowing you inside and out too. You cannot love someone you are not in a relationship with, it is just not possible. You clearly have projected a fantasy upon your cousin that she would not be able to live up to in real life - your feelings are just an infatuation.
Accept that you can never have a relationship with your straight cousin and move on - this is not love so you will get over her. I know it will feel hard and all you want to do is tell her how you feel but it will achieve nothing and leave you feeling empty when she clearly does not reciprocate these feelings.
You cannot rely on another person to add meaning to your life - this is why you have created this major fanstasy in your head. You need to start living in the real world, where family members dont fall in love and live happily ever after. Start getting some meaning in your life - you are responsible for your own life and only you can make things happen. You are deluded if you think that by being with your cousin you would all of a sudden be happy - you would be just as empty and lost as before but with the burden of a relationship around your neck.
So stop wallowing in self pity, regretting something when really you should be thankful you never said a word. You have a chance now to move on, build your life to be something great and enjoy life. Dont wait around for another person to make you happy - you have to make yourself happy. Get out there and find your perfect job, start new hobbies, make new friends, volunteer for a charity - do something worthwhile that makes you feel great and that makes your life seem full and exciting. You will soon find that this fantasy life you have built up in your head with your cousin fades away and that real life is much better than some imaginary life stemming from your childhood.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (13 May 2009):
 Let's begin by saying, you would not have said: "I know I will be judged for this, and I know that it will be difficult for some to try and think of this in an unbiased manner. But I wish to say in my defense", unless you had to a certain extent negatively judged yourself for these feelings.
You made no mention about him mistreating her, and with their getting married she must love him. Therefore, I feel it would not be proper for you to complicate the direction she's already decided to take. Here, you need to put her happiness above your desire. If she were single, I'd say go for it, but not under these circumstances.
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