A
male
age
30-35,
*lyxandeyr
writes:I know I will be judged for this, and I know that it will be difficult for some to try and think of this in an unbiased manner. But I wish to say in my defense three things:1.) There is no law against a relationship of this type.2.) The bible says nothing against it.3.) Love is unbiased by the paltry matters of a word on paper, created for someone to objectify a near bloodless relationship.I want to give a little background before I state the truth. If you don't care about background, I have the real problem marked with six stars (*) . That and the following paragraph are all-important to the question. But I ask everyone to please read the entire thing before they judge, whether or not they answer.I've always been afraid of the dark, so I've always seen things and heard things... But when I was a kid, there was only one person who I was ever truly comfortable with... When I heard things, she was speak to me. When I saw things, she'd hide them from me... I didn't think much of it at first, but as time went on, I just couldn't forget about her, despite being completely across the country. It took a couple of years, but I slowly began to realize something... The realization brought with it the realization that I could never be with her, and even though I tried, I could never even try to tell her. Not telling her is the only thing in my life that I truly regret, and this is the only thing in my life that I can honestly say that I find challenging to say. ******I am in love with my second cousin.Lately, I have been thinking more and more about her... And I should have trusted my instincts and at least tried... Now she's pregnant and getting married this June... But I promised myself that I would tell her eventually, so I'm bound by my word to tell her... The main problem is that her family has a long line of marrying young and staying married permanently, so I feel absolutely /wrong/ for thinking about telling her, because now I think of what could happen to her marriage, and what would have to happen to it in order for me to tell her after she gets married.I, in short, don't know what to do... I can answer every question but this one, and I feel this emptiness that physically pains me every day that I don't tell her. I can't hold a relationship, but I am a very affectionate person by nature. It's quite literally ruinging my life, because I can't ever focus on anyone or anything, and I have a need for companionship that can't be met. I feel that if I were to tell her, I might get some sort of reprieve from the overwhelming lack of feeling and meaning in my life, but I don't know if it's the right thing to do, considering that I don't have the means to support a child, nor to support her at the moment... I fear that telling her would change the way she saw me forever. But I think I could live with that. I think that if she hated me, I could stand to be away from her for the sake that my absence would make her happier. The real dilemma is that she was the only person I've ever truly trusted and loved like this, and even after a decade of trying to suppress this emotion, all I've succeeded in is suppressing the rest of my emotions.I don't really know if anyone out there cares, and I don't honestly fear being judged by anyone other than her. If I can make her happy, any price is worth paying. But telling her might cost me more than I bargained for. I need help. I don't have much time, and I would appreciate anyone's feedback, or anyone's comments of any sort... I thank you from the depths of my soul for anything you can add, of whatever origin.
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male
reader, abhimen  +, writes (18 May 2009):
Just tell her buddy,coz if you tell her you'll be an inspiration to me.I hope you find the courage to tell her.Think what can you lose without telling her,coz she'll be gone out of your life anyways so why not express your feelings.Atleast you'll lose her after expressing yourself that how deeply you love her.So plz plz just tell her & i know whatever her response will be,you'll love her all your life & care for her which no1 can understand.Only some1 who has been in love with their cousin can feel it,& i'm 1 of them.Tell me what's her response & support me that even i tell my cousin about my deepest love for her.
A
male
reader, Alyxandeyr +, writes (13 May 2009):
Alyxandeyr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your input. It really does mean a lot to me. I understand that the act of telling her and the desire to tell her are both just manifestations of a fantastic delusion. If It's love, then the Higher Powers (whatever/whoever they happen to be,) will make it happen, but I have always understood that They will only show us the way, not make us walk down it.
Fine. I'm selfish.I'm human. But that selfishness is spawned from a deep-seated emotion that inspires selflessness. I will continue down my path, whatever it may bring. Thank you all for your time, and I wish you all luck on the road to come.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): You should tell her!!!
There is a chance that she feels the same about you, but does not have the courage to say it or admitt it, because of the bigotry and prejuices envolved in this issue...
The worst thing that can happen is that she loves you as a friend, and she will understand you, and know that you will be always his friend and count on you...and then i can move on with your life
...the fact that she is getting married does not necessarily mean that she is in love...
maybe if you tell her, it will prevent her to make a big mistake if she feels the same about you..
just be honest with her...and you will feel free, regardless of the outcome..
tell her buddy!! (sorry about my english, I'm from Brazil...)
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (13 May 2009):
 Never mind the law and the Bible, you are trying to ruin her life because you are selfish!
Get over it!
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (13 May 2009):
 why ruin her relationship by teling her?she's pregnant with this mans child getting married to him she obviously loves him.she's not going to suddenly stop the marriage for you.you probably don't even love her that way just loved the fact she was there to protect you and stuff there for you when you were scared and needed to be comforted the most.why do you insist on telling her?she probably sees you as family!which is what you are.she's not going to see you as more than family she'll probably be quite scared of what you've told her i know i would be.but she's getting married why ruin the best day of her life because you feel you HAVE to tell her that you love her?at the beginning you say i know i will be judged for this.... but how do you know we would of judged you?you must judge yourself otherwise you'd not have said this...you really need to think about other peoples feelings here think of hers would you really rsik everything she's got right now which is the start of a family for her just because you want have her?that's pretty selfish in some ways your not thinking about anyone here but yourself.i don't mean to sound harsh but you are being really selfish and only thinking of yourself and how it'll make you feel and not thinking of how it'll make her feel and her future husband ti could ruin everything she's ever wanted and why? because of you telling her.it's something you're just going to have to brush away ddon't tell her it's not going to make her want you if anything it'll make her hate you for ruining any chance she had of being a family with the baby and the baby's father.Hope this helps.p.s.again sorry if i sounded harsh.
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A
male
reader, Mr.Insignificant +, writes (13 May 2009):
 I don't agree with you on this one. The only good that would come from you telling her would be the fulfillment of your promise to yourself.
What about her feelings? What about her fiance? What about their baby? I think the most selfless thing you could do is to maintain your silence on this one.
The bible has a lot to say about a lot of things. The Lord always provides for us. Always. If you are meant to be with her, he will bring you two together. Most importantly however is the lesson of Love.
I implore you to remove from your vocabulary and mindset that you "can't hold a relationship". Yes, you can. I promise.
Be selfless with your love for her and yourself and keep this close to the heart. You are more apt to forgive yourself for not fulfilling this promise than you are to forgive yourself for taking from her.
Sometimes the right answer and the difficult answer, are the same answer.
For what it is worth, I do care and I don't judge you. You are in my prayers Cuz.
Godspeed
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