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female
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*iki
writes: My husband cheated on me and we separated earlier this year. My divorce is almost through and I now find myself attracted to some one else. The problem is that he was a friend to both me and my ex. I've kept in touch with this gut since the split but contact between him and my ex has been almost cut. I really am attracted to him and the more time we spend te together this just increases. He's great with my son and whilst we really are just friends at the moment. We're meeting up more and more regularly and having a great time. Is this a dangerous relationship to get into. He's a really sensitive guy and I think he might ultimately feel that he's betraying my husband and I really don't want to jeopardsie our friendship. He's everything my husband wasn't and I think we could be really good together. We're both single. What should I do. Do I try to put this to the back of my mind or could this relationship work? If it could, how do I make sure he feels the same way without ruining our friendship?
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (5 May 2006):
 It is always difficult when you are close to someone who was a mutual friend as I was in a similar situation with a good friend of mine who has always been a good friend to both myself and my ex and when he split with his first wife I found myself extremely attracted to him as again he was everything that my boyfriend (now ex) wasn't he was understanding, caring and much more laid back and my now ex even picked up on it but he was also like a cousin to my ex as well as his uncle had married my ex's mum so they have always called themselves cousin even though his uncle and my ex's mum have now divorced.
I must admit I am glad I was in a relationship at the time when my friend became single as I think if it had have been different who know's where things may have gone.
I am pleased to say that I am now good friends with his second wife and his further 2 children and his middle child is also my god-daughter and he is my daughter's godfather. He is a mechanic and works on both my car and my ex's but I actually spend days out with him and his family and I am not attracted to him anymore as he is so much better as a friend.
Your situation is different to how mine was in as much as you are now both single and if your ex is not actually bothering to stay in touch with this mutual friend then who are you actually hurting.
I would however say that treading cautiously would be the best option here and perhaps saying that you think that both you and him would have make a better match than your ex and you and see how he reacts. If he says yes I totally agree with you then there is a way forward and you know he is thinking perhaps along the same lines. However, if he says no I think being friends with you is so much nicer then you have your answer.
Point out how bad you think your ex is as true friends never drop their friends no matter what happens.
I think time will tell on this one but just go slowly as I think that as things are progressing between you right now and you are becoming closer you should show patience and understanding and perhaps nature will take it's course. But in the meantime just try to see how he reacts to your comment eh!!
Wish you well and perhaps let me know how things go for you.
BFN
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2006): You are doing absolutely nothing wrong. If you are attracted to your friend or you just like spending time with him, it is up to you. Remember your husband cheated on you! So don't feel bad! I think that you should definately go for it, what do you have to lose? Absolutely nothing. You can't help your feelings and I think that you 2 would be wonderful together. But first you need to have some signs from your friend that tell you that he is interested in you. You must be sure first. Good luck, I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Blooregard +, writes (4 May 2006):
Honestly, I think that your husband betraying you should remain in your mind here. He cheated on you, end of, he has NO right to complain if you date ANYBODY. This guy you talk of sounds like a lovely person, he is also great with your children which to me, says a lot. I would go for this man and leave the cheating ex out of the picture: he cheated therefore why the hell should he get a sday in ANYTHING you do. Good luck.
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