A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi.. so i'm stumped and feeling guilty. i've been with my boyfriend since i was 17 years old. i'm now about to be 22. he's my first real boyfriend and i love him to pieces. the reason why i came to this site, is because in early 2011, my best friend and i were texting. he kept going on and on about a picture. i took it as he wanted a nude photo, (because he's a big pervert) so i sent a topless photo of me on impulse and to get him to stop bugging me. after i sent it, i realized what i had done, and freaked out. i immediately texted and told him to just delete it and don't look at it. well, of course he looked. he asked me, why i sent that.. and i said i thought that's what you kept hinting at? and he said no. i told him that night for us to pretend it never happened and he agreed. all these years later, its still bugging me. to be fair, the picture was very dark and im really shocked he could make out what it was. it was an old crappy cell phone photo. a few months ago, he brought it up again.. asking me if i really did send it or did he just dream about it... and its gotten me really depressed because i know better than to do something like that. i feel guilty, because i know if my boyfriend ever found out, he'd be upset. and the last thing i'd ever want to do, is hurt him. however, the day he did ask me if i sent it to him, i told him that i felt like he was hinting it off and he felt terrible about it. and apologized. idk, i guess this isn't really much of a question, but more of venting. i know what i did was wrong and i have no intentions of ever doing something so stupid again. and i like to think that the guilt is my punishment.but, my friend doesn't even remember it, and like i said, the photo was very dark... so am i over reacting?i'm sorry this is so long :(
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male
reader, DKW  +, writes (6 September 2013):
YouWish, I apologise - I hadn't read the question correctly. I didn't realise she was actually with her boyfriend when she sent the picture.
That said, aren't you still being hard on her? No need for guilt, just move on and accept a mistake was made. Guilt and regret do nothing to help any situation.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 September 2013):
 Actually, I disagree with DKW. It *was* wrong to do what you did. You've been with your boyfriend for nearly 5 years, and while you were in the relationship, you sent a topless picture to another man.
That would be like a guy sending a picture of his penis off to another woman while he was in a relationship.
You have a best friend who is a guy who you are having conversations with that involve sending naked pictures of yourself to him. That's inappropriate on a million levels.
I'm not going to give you the same advice the others gave, because if I found my husband sending pictures of himself to other women, especially one he refers to as as "best friend", I'd think they were cheating together and would feel justified in telling him that she's not a person that should be in his life.
I'm saying you absolutely *should* feel guilty. Hopefully that guilt keeps you from ever doing something as disloyal and stupid again. Getting a guy to shut up by sending a topless picture? Bad idea. There shouldn't be a conversation between you and another guy involving you and nakedness...every conversation you have with a best guy friend should be one you'd be comfortable with having in front of your boyfriend. If you're having conversations you'd be embarrassed to show your boyfriend, you need to re-evaluate whether you can be loyal or not.
I'm coming down on you because this guy friend is STILL in your life, and if you're still bringing up the picture with him, then it's still a "live" issue.
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A
male
reader, DKW +, writes (6 September 2013):
Relax. Stop feeling guilty. It wasn't "wrong" at all. Besides, if your current boyfriend is any kind of man he won't feel threatened or put off by this, hey we all do crazy things when we're young right?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 September 2013):
 Well he obviously doesn't have the picture anymore so your boyfriend probably won't ever find out. We all do stupid stuff, but seems like you learned your lesson. Don't beat yourself up about it because you cannot change the past.
If your boyfriend ever did find out, all you can do is explain what happened. A lot of men are insecure about what their partners have done in the past and that is something we should all be working on to change.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2013): If its a crappy picture and you cannot be identified, ignore it and put your mind to rest. I would also deny it was ever taken.
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