A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a male, and i have been seeing this beautiful, great women for about a year. Our relationship has been purely sexual since I first started seeing her which has been fine by me. I see her about once or twice a week, and she is just an amazing lover. After making love, we revert into friends and go our separate ways, talking by cell or text until our next meeting. We go out sometimes, but not a lot. This seems to be every mans dream.Now here comes the "but"...I have fallen in love with her, but she does not want a relationship other than sexual and friendship. The only time she seems to show strong feelings towards me is during foreplay and sex. Afterwards she will cuddle with me for about 10 minutes or so, jump out of bed and head for the shower. Because of this I try and prolong sex with her.I have tried to talk to her about my feelings, but she will smile, put her arms around me and tell me that is so sweet, and make some excuse like she has to go to the bank, see her brother etc.I tried to stop seeing her, but I cannot for very long. The most I have been able to stay away from her is a month, but she will call me and text me, and I will break down and see her. I have asked her to let me go, but she just laughs and calls me silly.I dont know what to do, I am madly in love with her. I cannot be without her for long, as I begin to hurt inside. Seeing and being with her makes me feel better for awhile. Does anyone have any suggestions?
View related questions:
foreplay, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bee4ever +, writes (10 November 2010):
This wonderful girl might have had a bad history of ex boyfriends and could possibly be only attracted to "bad boys". You sound like you are too sweet for her and she might be worried that if if doesn't work out the friendship will be over not to mention, good sex. In other words...if it isnt broke. Perhaps you need to be more assertive and tell her that you want the relationship to mature into something more. You may lose her for awhile (she might not be gone long) but you'll gain respect for yourself again. What good is pining away for someone who can't or won't reciprocate? Please find someone who will want to be around you all the time, this may also be enough for her to see what she's missing. Good luck and keep us posted.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTennisstar88, thanks for the definition, sorry about the ignorance, I am blushing for sure! Yes, I guess I would have to admit that this is the relationship we are in. This is not the type of relationship I want to be in. I will have to consider what I am going to do next, probably I should give her an ultimatum, if she doesnt want a relationship, I walk. I really have nothing to lose, except maybe loosing some great sex I have been getting for a year.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 November 2010):
 Friends with benefits is friends that have sex, they're not in a relationship, there's no harboring feelings, it's a no strings attached, fuck buddy situation. Just for future reference.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes Tennisstar88, I got it pretty clear. I dont know what FWB is (does not sound good), but I dont want just a sexual relationship. I do want a normal relationship. But I have to tell you that as a guy, I dont find it degrading like a women would if we are being used sexually by a beautiful women, and she is a beautiful women. What I and a lot of other guys would find degrading is if she was using sex to get something from me, like money or a favor. I have been seeing her for a year and she is doing none of those. But I do get your point.
I can only sigh right now because like it or not, I do love her
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (9 November 2010):
Oh quite contrary to popular belief, YES women can use guys for sex!
If she had feelings wouldn't she take it further than FWBs?? Women are emotional creatures, if we have feelings we pipe up. Since she interrupts you every time you want to discuss yours that tells me she's with you just for sex. Trust me, most women don't have a problem with committing. If you want to continue having nothing but sex with her then go right ahead.
In your case, sex=sex, not love. FWBs=FWBs, not a relationship. I can't help but feel you're getting the 2 confused.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for everyone that answered. Yes, I have tried to break it off and I know I should, but I have not been able to, or at least I have not found the strength to break it off yet.
The the last person who posted, there is not much more I can tell you except she does not want to commit to a relationship. I have tried to find out if maybe she was hurt by another guy, but she will not tell me. I dont think there is another person she is seeing, but I dont know that for sure.
She says she is attracted to my looks and most of all my personality, and that I am one of the sweetest guys she has ever met. I am assuming the reason she continues to have sex with me is that she does have feelings for me, but something happened to her where she does not want to commit. I think it is a little far fetched that she is using me for sex...guys use girls for sex, I have never heard the opposite. If that was the case I would just stick around and let her continue to "use" me. I dont know, am I just all wrong about this?
...............................
A
female
reader, Natalie:)  +, writes (9 November 2010):
 You really need go for all or nothing because even though in te short term it will be hurtful if she says no in the longterm you aret wastin your time and can move on to someone who is nice and loves you as well because thats what you deserve.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (9 November 2010):
Usually it's the women who aren't emotionally cut out for FWBs..but sometimes we do have a few guys like you.
Very rarely, do FWBs turn into a relationship because you've already started off on the wrong foot with sex. You've cut out the first date, wooing, courtship phase. Even if it both agree to test the waters and try a relationship it's short lived. Now, I would tell her you have developed feelings for her and would like to give being in a relationship a shot. See what she says, if she doesn't want that then you need to break this FWBs.. You're a grown man being used by a woman for sex, well now you're being used because you harbor feelings for her and I'm sure she knows this. Put your foot down and cut ties on this no strings attached deal.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): Well, what more is there about her that you can tell?
Frankly she sounds like a woman who has another relationship but is having an affair on the side.
So, as usual, "the rest of the story" is important.
Why does she like you?
Why does she like to have sex with you? What is it about you that brings her back?
...............................
|
