A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't particularly like any of my friend group anymore. They still act like teenagers. I rarely reply to group WhatsApp conversations because I just can't relate to it it's usually so childish. When I do respond... I'm usually ignored. I don't really go out anymore with them. But we've been friends since school. I'm quite introverted and don't always like to socialise but I do get lonely. My boyfriend is very busy with work.what do I do? I do stuff outside work but the friendships I make are superficial as I am guarded as I find it very hard to trust people. My partner and I are going to be trying for a baby in a couple of months Maybe that will also help ease the loneliness!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2015): Having a child for ease your loneliness? Think twice. You will be in a house most times, and a baby is not someone to have stimulating conversation with. New mothers feel sometimes total isolation from outside world because they are stuck home with a baby all daylong. But going back to your circle of friends. You are in your 30s , from highschool it's quite a bit of time passed. There is nothing wrong to xoutgrow them. If they like drinking every weekends then let them do it without you. Honestly I think this behavour belongs to a bunch 20 something years old, and early 20 s by the way. Not to a 30 something women. Drinking and partying into morning is very exausting for most people and usually people older than 25 don't do it very often, may be just occasionally . Like couple times a year. If your girfriend's do it every weekend they might have a very strong health, because I couldn't do it even in my teens.
A
female
reader, Euphoria30  +, writes (4 June 2015):
Dear OP,
My advice would be as follows (I know the problem of suddenly not fitting into your group of friends anymore):
- Keep your old friends on a more superficial, occasional level. Remember important days like birthdays for instance.
- Try to open up a bit more to someone you think might have potential to become a closer friend. You don't need a bunch of superficial friends, but a few "real" ones.
- Be more proactive about your free time. Come up with ideas about what to do and suggest those ideas to any person you think might come along. Maybe some of your friends will develop a taste for your "adult" activities. I made some positive experiences with this approach recently and found out that sometimes, it's rather my cliches about what people will and won't do, than what is actually true about them.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 June 2015):
 I think it's pretty normal, OP. You outgrow people in your life ( and / or they outgrow you )- You just evolve gradually in different directions, take different life paths, until one day you just do not find much pleasure in being around them- and you make new friends who reflect more your current interests and what you have become in the meantime.
Personally I think it's natural and it should not be cause for bitterness. Life has a forward motion and if you second it rather than fighting it , that makes it more fulfilling and interesting.
That does not have to mean that you outgrow your AFFECTION and your good ,loving felings for these persons. For instance, my two " historical " best friends... we go back about 45 years, and we were inseparable, and very similar in outlook , for all our teen years and 20s, then things started to change , little by little,. Now, i still love them, like sisters or more ( and I think thU feel the same for me ): As for having FUN being with them- heck no. One, yes she had some health problems, but not to the point IMO of becoming the hypocondriac she is now, who is only really happy when she can debate doctors and medicines and health issues . Not particularly down my alley. The other, worse : she has ebcome a rabid polotical activist , ...for a party and for causes I LOATHE, so we KNOW there are things we 'd better not talk about. I still see them , occasionally- and most of all I still CARE deeply about them, and I am still there for them for anything they may need - but as for having fun times, or stimulating conversation, - I have other people who reflect more the kind of person I am now and the things I care about now.
You will do the same- it's a myth that you can't make new friends ( REAL friends ) after high school, or college, or anything like that. It may be a bit more difficult, particularly if you are not outgoing, it may take more time, you may connect with LESS people because you become more discriminating ( and that's not a bad thing ) but it can be done, and it is done. So I would noy worry too much if I were you.
Said that, I agree with Honeypie : having a chid can be wonderful, even a dream come true, but beware, rather than fulfilling your need for companionship end entertainment, it may make you feel MORE isolated and disconnected than you are now. So, do not pin too many hopes on that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2015): Thanks honeypie. . Op here. Rereading my question I was being very negative. I do try to make an effort. It just sucks when u feel knocked back all the time! They are good people I just feel like they drink soooo much and put such weight on going out at the weekends and getting plastered and if you don't so this they have actually labelled people as being dull and boring.i think Iight be more concerned myself as being know as someone with no friends right now.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 June 2015):
 I'd say MAKE an effort to find friend(s) you have more in common with.
And as for your old "friends", TAKE them for what they are... old acquaintances. Sometimes people we classify as friends AREN'T really friends, they are acquaintances. If they want you to join in something and you WANT to join, go for it, otherwise, do your own thing. It doesn't mean you HAVE to dump them (unless they are now just a negative influence on your life).
Having a baby can ACTUALLY isolate you even more, so don't put all your expectations for company on your baby/child.
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