A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'll cut to the chase.I'm planning to ask this girl out soon, but I have a strong feeling it's going to be no. I'm completely infatuated with her, but she's leaving soon, so thats why I'm asking.The real problem is this: I want to be rejected for some reason. I am being completely honest. The thought of living without her kills me, but I sometimes think about myself for when she says no. I see myself as a heartbroken, hopeless romantic. Nut why. I want to be depressed and have others feel bad for me. It's almost as if I want them to have pity on me. Its pathetic and makes me sick, but I love the image of myself as this broken man that has nothing to live for. Please help me, what does this mean?
View related questions:
depressed, heartbroken Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the great answers.
I response to 'what will you do if she says yes', then that's great I suppose. In fact it would be better than great. Now that I've thought about it, me feeling that I want to be rejected is probably due to me wanting to live the 'expected' course. Plus, if she did say yes, then it wouldn't be a long-distance relationship, I meant she was leaving work. She lives about 5 mins away from me. Although she has talked about moving out.....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): It is hard to understand the problem here. By asking the girl, do you actually want or not want her to say yes? If you like her you would want her to say yes, but your second paragraph seems to suggest you would rather enjoy languishing in sorrow if she says no.
Like fellow "female anon" said, what are you going to do if she says yes? Are you prepared to commit to a long-distance relationship? Or did you think she would definitely say no bacause she is going away?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008):
Maybe by wanting her to reject you reinforces your own image of who you feel you are. Its a self fulfilling prophecy that makes you feel like you have control over your life.
It's also a lot easier to live with the 'expected' course of events rather than the 'unexpected' as its much easier to live on a continuous level (albeit a sad and lonely one) than an unpredictable one that may change at any time. What I want to know is what are you going to do if she says yes??? I think you need to work on your self esteem. Your obviously a guy who thinks deeply and that is a very attractive quality for a lot of women. Maybe your selling yourself short.
Remember this 'A life lived in fear is a life half lived'
Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, salvation +, writes (23 April 2008):
i have been down to below rock bottom beyond broken its not a nice thing. I think the reason you like the idea is due to the attention you would get people worrying over you 24/7 its a nice thought makes you feel loved and cared for? Think about it.
...............................
A
male
reader, DearSteve +, writes (23 April 2008):
 You can gain a lot of attention through being down on your luck; people tend to commit unquestionable kindness to a person experience a hard time, but you will gain nothing in the long run. Each case is different, but the usual suspect here is attention, or lack of it. It’s not selfish to want the spotlight from time to time, but this is not a positive way to do it and you’ll only upset yourself. Try channelling your energy into something productive that you can benefit, which may even give you the attention you crave. For example: Even if you’re not creatively minded, Amateur Dramatics is a great, fun way to meet new people and receive attention in the form of that raucous applause on opening night. As for this girl, save yourself the upset and embarrassment of asking her out, especially if she’s moving away. You’ll realise that as soon as she’s out of sight, she’ll be out of mind.
...............................
|
