| A ,
*unny
writes: Hi,I moved just before my sixteenth birthday to different part of the country. Not knowing anyone I met a guy. he was engaged but apparently broke up with his girlfriend. I fell madly deeply in love with him. I fell out with my parents and ended up living with him in a dirty, filthy house. He was out every night and told me he was 'running drugs'. I didn't approve, but then I got told that he was denying having anything to do with me, although everyone knew we were together, and every night he would leave me to be with his 'fiance'. They got back together a couple of days after me and him started seeing each other. I couldn't leave him because he wouldn't let me out of the house. Neighbours phoned the police, but I couldn't say anything, he'd just glare at me and I get too scared. He played me and his 'fiance' against each other. She was apparently an obsessed ex girlfriend who was desparate to break us up and I was the crazed teenager who was having an imaginary relationship. I have no friends around here. No money to live on. I'm 17 now. So far I got pregnant with his baby and had an abortion because I didn't want my child to have a father that denied its existance. Since then I tried leaving him, but he made promises to change, and he has, he has become less violent, less verbally abusive. He used to constantly insult me and put me down, really really badly. Some of the things he said I would never say to anyone as long as I live, simply because no one deserves to hear them. At the moment, we still argue but he isn't doing anything badly wrong, he is making an effort. I'm still not happy with him, I dont trust him, he doesn't make me happy and I feel trapped. But when I'm away from him, I want to phone him, or go round to his house, or see him, but when I do, I want to leave. It's like an obsession. I'm starting to feel like I am really obsessed. I don't know how to explain this, I just don't know whats happening to me. Whatever I do makes me feel bad. If I stay with him, I regret every minute of it; if I leave him, I dont know what to do with myself and regret that and just run back to him.
View related questions:
abortion, broke up, drugs, engaged, ex girlfriend, got back together, money, neighbour, trapped, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (13 June 2005):
 You need to be strong and leave and never look back. Go back to your family, they will be able to help you. The reason you are having trouble with leaving him is that you feel that he is your security and thats all you have known, you feel that if you leave you have nothing and that simply isnt true, You are only young and have so many years ahead of you, dont sit there letting him bring you down, its not fun and its a waste hun. Get out while you still can, seek advice from family or maybe even a counsellor that you can talk to, but do get out as soon as you can, it might hurt to begin, but in the end you will realsie what a relief it was to leave and you can start to rebuild your life and get the things from life that you deserve. we all deserve to be happy, get out and face the world and find try happiness.
A
reader, Mickey_Powell +, writes (12 June 2005):
 I think you can do better. What you need to think about is 'is he making you happy'? I think not. Is he worth falling out with your parents? Your parents would do anything for you, he could just be taking you for granted. Move out and tell your parents you made a mistake and your very sorry!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2005): Come on girl-you've been dealing with these issues for far too long-it's time to step up and be a woman. He is not worth this-you are worth more than this. And you seem to realize it. If no one would deserve to have the things he's said repeated to them, what makes you think you deserve to hae those things said to you in the first place? Here's my suggestion: get a new phone and number, go to your parents, apologize for your mistakes of the past and tell them that as your daughter you need them. Focus on starting a relationship first with your mother, who may be able to give you a shoulder, and then your father-make him an important part of your life and start an open dialogue between the two of them and yourself. There is nothing wrong with needing your parents, chancesare they need you too. Cut off all contact with this loser of a guy and then go to the clinic and get yourself tested for any STDs or any other health issues you may be concerned with, and at least attend one session with a counselor who can remind you of how intelligent and strong you are. Then start from here, because you can never start ver again-learn from your mistakes, but have no regrets. Don't make the same mistake twice, that shows a lack of intelligence. Instead, start focusing on getting your education back on track and starting a future for yourself, independent of some guy and his physical, emotional, and mental abuse. Last time I checked, women were not animals in a circus controlled by a whip and strong words. You can do this-you sound like a smart girl in need of some direction. Start with yourself, and then find the support network that I'm sure is worried about you. Good luck, and get out of this drama and s**t before something really bad happens and you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2005): You need to leave this man. You have to get away. He is causing you nothing but emotional problems. Find the strength to leave and never look back. Go back to your family. This man is treating you like nothing better than a whore and you deserve much much more. Call the police and have to courage to save yourself. You won't get hurt. They'll protect you.
...............................
|
