A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid My hubby and I have been married for 30 years and together for 34 years. He likes to drink but not everyday. Just on weekends. Last Friday night when him and his friend who is young enough to be our son came home they were both drunk. They were in our family room so I went in there to tell my hubby to come to bed. I saw him groping the friend in a sexual manner and touching himself! I was horrified and didn't know what to do. What does this mean? We have not been sexually active for years. Approximately 6 or more years. I have health problems so I thought it was because of that. I have not said anything to him about this. I do love him but now I'm very confused and can't talk to anyone in my world. Please advice. Does this mean he is gay? Should I leave him? I know he will deny it saying I didn't see what I saw. Then get angry and put it back on me. Help! Thank you for listening. Confused and hurt housewife.
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (17 June 2012):
 I am sorry for the loss of your parents. That is a rought thing to go through besides seeing your husband in this position and not being able to trust him. I know the feeling of having no one to trust but your spouse...and then not even him. It can be very lonely. I am thinking about you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanted to add some things I have remembered since the shock of it has worn off a bit. I remember when I went through my laundry room( which was very dark) and I was trying to absorb what I was seeing I'm fairly certain my hubby looked up at me. At least in my direction. I didn't move so I thought maybe he didn't see me. But very soon after that he stopped and the next day he acted slightly different. Kinds like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. That could be my imagination or wishful thinking but he seemed very solicitous. Very unlike him. We have grown children...a grandchild and another on the way. My health problem are pain related of which I control with medicines. But it was not my idea to stop having sex. When we do talk about that he gets very defensive. Please don't get me wrong... until the other night... I was happy. I can live without sex at my age.. almost 51. I thought we were happy together. You don't stay married to someone for 30 years unless you think their positives outweigh their negatives... and that's what I thought we had. Lastly I want to thank all of you so very much for you helpful advice and food for thought. Some of the things you have pointed out I hadn't even thought of. So please keep it coming. I lost both my parents recently and now have no one to go to but hubby. That's not an option yet. Your advice here is invaluable! Thanks again and I'll be che king back
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 June 2012):
 Gay or straight what he did was cheating. If the guy had been a girl, you wouldn't have doubted what you were seeing.
His sexuality is not the problem. The problem is that he thinks it's OK for him to do this at all.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (17 June 2012):
It doesn't matter whether he's gay or not, although I understand this as your initial reaction. What matters is that he is cheating, but I guess everyone else has already said this.
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A
female
reader, justinette  +, writes (16 June 2012):
 you said they were both drunk so this is a bit confusing you see alcohol does a lot of things ...but i understand i mean what you saw wasnt easy i think you should just talk to him about it and see ...of course you still have the divorce thing as an option but pllllz use it only when you have no other options especially if you have kids ....what he did was SOOO WRONG for sure so at least talk to him before you leave ....good luck with it hope you'll get better with your health problem ...*hugs*
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A
male
reader, Discovery +, writes (16 June 2012):
Yeah, I was thinking same thing. Cheating is cheating. Whether you think being very-drunk is a valid excuse or not is up to you - to me it's not.
6 years without intimacy is a really long time though. Enough to drive anyone's hormones up the wall several times. I'm confused if you didn't want it or he used your health as an excuse not to pursue it. Doesn't really matter though, I guess.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (16 June 2012):
 YouWish is right. Would it be different if it was a woman? I'm sorry this is happening, but basically your husband is in the closet and is now cheating on you. I don't know what options you have other than to divorce him.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 June 2012):
 Here's the deal. If you totally remove the gay element from this, what you saw is him cheating on you with someone younger. Had that been a woman, you would have zero confusion and total clarity on what to do.
Add the gay element, and yes, it's still cheating. Doesn't matter whether it's a guy or a girl. You caught him cheating on you with someone else. The response is the same.
How can he put cheating back on you? You saw him groping the guy sexually and touching himself. If you're sure of what you saw, there's no ambiguity. Right now, you're trying to hope you didn't see what you saw. Your mind is wrestling with denial.
You saw what you saw. You witnessed what you witnessed. Your marriage is in trouble, and it needs to be dealt with. Don't bother yourself with whether or not he's a closet homosexual and deal with the fact that he's a closet CHEATER, and that's all that matters.
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