A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi, my fiance changed careers at the start of the year and has to train for 5 months. He doesnt come home at night until after 9 every night apart from Fri and Sat. When I approached the subject of setting a date for the wedding for a year and a half away he said he was under too much pressure and couldn't commit to a date. I was very hurt. I also noticed he kept his phone on silent and in his pocket all the time which wasn't like his behaviour. So I checked it one morning while he was in the shower and found a text from his new female colleague the night before saying she was being a good girl tonight and taking a bath. He replied she was just teasing him now. I freaked out and threatened to leave but he stopped me. But he lashed back at me and said i shouldnt be snooping on his phone. He said nothing was going on at all but last week his phone bill came in and he hid it from me immediately, he said he didn't trust me now and thinks im always snooping. Im making myself sick now cause i think he has been up to something or starting something off and hence why he didnt book a date for our wedding.I need your advice. Why isn't he helping me out and letting me see his phone bill? or are guys just like that? He is making the situation worse.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): sorry to say - hes arsing you about. hes trying to make you feel gulity for looking at his phone. I know u shudnt really, but sumtimes it reaches the point where you have to check it out sumway.
sounds like hes at least flirting and maybe more.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 February 2008):
 [Quote]
When I approached the subject of setting a date for the wedding for a year and a half away he said he was under too much pressure and couldn't commit to a date.
[Unquote]
When a man said that , he is putting you on hold.He could be having two minds about it. Possibly, he may have another parallel relationship or just starting another one. This is just my speculations only.
He does not want to let you see his phone bills because it would have showed how many calls was made to her.This would proved that he has something on with her.If he is innocent, he would have nothing to hide .
From just those informations you supplied, we cannot jump to conclusions that he is having an affair with his colleague.He could just be flirting with her or more than that.
This is a red flag and you will need to watch over him more closely .
It is unfortunate that things have come to this stage.You are now standing on the edge of the cliff. Be careful!
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 Hi,
sorry mate, but your future husband is a cheat. No two ways about it. No faithful man would consider that text message appropriate from a colleague. He is having an affair with her, the sooner you realise this the better, you can then move on with your life and meet someone who will treat you with respect.
Dump him, now. And by the way it was wrong to go through his text messages but in your case what other option did you have to find out whether he was being faithful.
good luck for the future, but don't take his bullshit excuses.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (26 February 2008):
 I think he's definately hiding something and since you confronted him over the last thing you found, he's using it against you, making you into the bad guy here, while ignorning his own behavior. If you plan on marrying this guy, you'd better plan on keeping your eyes and ears wide open for the next 6 months or longer (since he won't set the date). A sure sign he's spotted something at work that interests him.
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 no, not all guys are like that just like not all women are squirrelly in the head. but, i will say there is definitely suspicious behvior going on here. u know his routines and behaviors and if somethings changed then u need to rethink what u want. my bf openly gave me the passwords to all his emails and msn and facebook and even his cell. and i felt weird to know he wanted me to have them. and this was when we first met. and he has been nothing less then my best friend and partner and teammate in life. he tells me everything, and even puts me before his guy friends even though i tell him to go out with them fior guy time. but he says its our time and he hates being away from me. we trust eachother like no other/. and he confides in me all his friends stuff and everything in his life. but hes the same way with his mom. bestfriends. what im trying to say is, if he is being less then truthful to u, and is holding back stuff from u u think u have a right to know, then i would rethink the marriage part. now u dont have much committments and no kids. so use ur head and not ur heart and u will be okay. dont be afaraid to stand up for u. u cum first. and u deserve bettr. i hope u will be able to solve this.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 Hey hun, first of all I'm sorry, I can only imagine wat is going through your mind right now!! and second of all, you shouldnt really have gone through his fone. the trust that you both had for eachtother is now gone and that is one of the most important elements of a healthy relationship. RCN is right, he cant commit to a date cos he cant commit. no matter wat he says, you dont talk like that with a girl your not seeing, or planning on seeing. this relationship is going nowhere - definitely not down the marriage road. there is something going on with this guy and i wouldnt advise you to wait around and see wat it is. why stay with a man you cant trust and wont even talk about a wedding date? you deserve better then that, leave him to his own devices and let him get teased by this other woman. he is not mr right and so why marry him? also the way he reacted has secrets and cheating all over it!! good luck hun, it you need more help just email me xxx
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (26 February 2008):
 "I need your advice. Why isn't he helping me out and letting me see his phone bill? or are guys just like that? He is making the situation worse"
Judging by what you say I'd probably think the worst given your situation.
At the end of the day if I had nothing to hide and my other half wanted to see the bill... I would let her see it so as to put her mind at rest.
I wouldn't want to put my girlfriend through what you're going through.
So no, guys aren't "just like that" unless they've got something to hide.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 Are all guys like what? Lying, cheating, flirting and secretive? Na, but I'd bet the guy your with has those wonderful relationship qualities you try to find if it's a man thing.
He can't commit to a date, because he can't commit. In life what is really more important that the relationships we hold? Oh and I forgot to add, he's blaming you for his behavior. And you want to say "I do" to him?
Personally, if I were you and the fact that I'm a bit blunt, I'd tell him you can't marry him because as long as he's lying, more than likely cheating, placing blame, being secretive, and flirting with girls who are wishing he was in the bath with them, he falls that much short of a real man, and that's not what you're looking for.
Okay that was a bit harsh. Maybe letting him know that his behavior is less than the quality your looking for in someone to start a family with and call your husband.
You know what he's doing? You don't have to ask on here to verify it. We all know when behaviors change, there's generally an equal intention behind the changes. You've seen them, but what are you giong to do about it? What do you deserve? Tell him you won't play second to anyone. That's you're choice. You're exercising your choice and if he stands in your way of making that choice, there's a jail cell waiting for him, with a cell mate named Bubba where he can comfortably think about his decisions and how this infadelity, simple choice of yes or no, has the "end story line" of losing the girl".
I hope this helps. Take care.
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