A
male
age
30-35,
*lash423
writes:To make a long story short a little while ago I told a really good friend of mine that I liked her as more than a friend and she ended up telling me that she didn't feel the same way which I tried to be ok with. It all eventually came crashing down. Anyway, I ended up saying some things that I regret so much now and ended up destroying the incredible friendship we had. Anyway, I've tried to message her to tell her how sorry I was for the things I said and ultimately ended up getting blocked by her on Facebook which in a way I thought was kind of a blessing because it finally gave me a definitive answer as to where things were between us. However. I still miss her so much and still want to tell her face to face how awful I feel about hurting her. I've tried to move on by going out more and meeting new people but I always seem to go back to missing her so much i just don't know what to do anymore. I keep trying to tell myself I need to move on but those feelings of regret and sadness about what I said to her still come back quite often. Any suggestions/tips are greatly appreciated
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (17 August 2016):
 Sign up to the gym, let all your stress and frustration out in there. There's not much you can do besides keep yourself busy and focus on yourself.
A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (16 August 2016):
 Regrettably, there is no magic trick to fix the emotional hurt. Rejection is never a pleasant thing, but when it comes to relationships, being rejected is actually a good thing: who in the right mind wants to be a couple so that only one in it is happy. That relationship that you imagined would have never been good because she would not have been happy.
Her rejection of your romance is actually good for you because whatever you thought would be great would turn out not so great for you. So although you feel disappointed, keep in mind that it would have been worse if it was a fake. ... which brings us to the second point: love occurs when you are loved back, so why would you want to be with someone who does not and cannot love you back?
So don't look so narrowly on what has occurred. This wasn't so much about you, but about her happiness. You thought that she would make you happy by being your GF, but the fact is that only her happiness is what would have made you happy. It's only the joy of your woman that you bring that can make you happy, so when you meet the next girl, see first if you can spark that for her. By giving love you get it back.
So it didn't work, so stop explaining yourself to her and let her be. Failing to establish a romantic relationship is a lot better then having it fail. As for your infatuation with her, you have to let time pass so that human connections with others remove your imagination of her, so be patient. Look at this experience as a way to make you wiser in making romantic connections.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (16 August 2016):
 Those feelings of sadness and regret will hang around for some time, unfortunately that is just the way things go and without any signs of forgiveness from your friend make it all that bit harder to move forward. Being emotionally bruised by someone you fancy can make us do and say hurtful things but oh to be human hey! .Sometimes it can be hard to say sorry, but you have manned up and done that so don't beat yourself up. If you did get your chance, do you think it would it be the same relationship you had before or now be that little bit too awkward? My guess awkward so take this as a blessing in disguise perhaps. Keep on being social and chalk it up to how not to react in future relationships. Good luck
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 August 2016):
 She blocked you on Facebook, which I guess it means she does not want to talk to you and desires no further contact- so how would you go about expressing her your regrets face to face ?... Would you follow her home, or do anything similarly creepy and stalkerish ?
I really hope you won't. What for, then. You already have offered your apologies , unluckily to no avail. Enough now - she got it the first time, only either what you said was so offensive that " sorry " won't cut it, in written or in person... or, much more probably, she simply does not care about your apologies, or that you feel awful. I doubt she is " hurt ", she is just annoyed, she is sick and tired of you tryng to fix something that she does not want fixed. Apparently she is doing fine without your friendship, and wants you to do just the same.
Sorry to be harsh, but as long as you tell yourself that you are " tryng to move on ", and in the same breath you ask for tips / plans to approach her and get a reaction out of her, you are telling foolish lies to yourself ; you are not moving on, and you are not even trying for real !
Accept that not all relationships are made to last, some times things have a way to go pear shaped . And accept that most probably this wonderful friendship was only wonderful in your mind and dreams, because I really doubt that a true, solid friendship could not stand even an unpleasant words exchange said in the heat of the moment. Finally, accept that it is not your fault if you fell in love with a friend, but that once romantic feelings have been declared, the " friend " has any right to decide to terminate any contact, if this feels more comfortable for her / him, because objectively it may be very awkward and annoying, when one was just looking for a buddy to hang out with and shoot the breeze, and finds instead himself / herself saddled with a lovelorn suitor.
Most of all, accept that your feelings of regret and sadness are normal and unevitable, and they will die down in time, if you make a conscious choice of starving them , rather than feeding them.
Basically, you are asking a question that many posters, in different guises , ask us : I feel things that are unconfortable, how can I turn off a switch, how can I stop instantly feeling what I feel ?
You can't. No life is totally immune from sorrow , nobody can totally avoid disappointments, in love as in other areas of life.
When it happens, you just roll with the punches and carry on. You live your life, you focus your energies on work and hobbies, you go out and mingle and try to meet new people, you do things that are fun for you to do... And of course at first it feels like going through the motions, and no matter what you do, still feelings of regret and sadness show up every day, or most of the times.
But, you know this is part of the healing process, and you carry on, and insist in moving on with less drama as possible, and then, after a while, ... you find yourself feeling regret and sadness half of the time. And then, just very occasionally.... and then, no more at all . It's a process, and it takes some time and most of all your cooperation, good will, and the focusing of your energies on your future, not your past !
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (16 August 2016):
 You need to focus on you. You obviously hurt her quite a lot and it's apparent that she needs time above all things. It's difficult to say how much she'll need but, when the time does come and she's ready, you can talk to her and apologise.
Until then, I suggest that you keep trying to move on and be happy. Learn from this mistake and grow from it.
I hope that helps.
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