A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:im 15 and had an abortion last year in febuary.all i think of know is what if i kept the baby.I have very strong feelings, and have no one to speak to about this. My mom stood by me when i had the abortion but i feel akward speking to her know about it.I really want my baby back, but know its too late.My mom said it will get better in time, but it dosent. I regret about it so much.What should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): I understand what you are going through as well. I had an abortion last year in march. I was so upset after and no one seemed to care. My boyfriend at the time didn't care, and my Mom and dad didn't seem to understand and acted like it wasn't a big deal. I had just turned 19 and was living on my own. It was awful and to this day I still think about it, i know it was the wrong decision. I have since found a wonderful man and gotten engaged. i also am pregnant with his baby, but it doesn't make losing the other one any easier, and I don't think time makes it much better either. I would suggest a post abortion counciling group. It helps to talk about it with others that have been in the same situation. Sometimes things effect us so deeply we can't deal with it on our own, so I really reccomend a post abortion counciling group, they help so much. Good luck honey and I'm sorry for your loss, it never is easy.
A
female
reader, ffogalilly  +, writes (22 March 2010):
I think you should seek out a counselor about this, I had a abortion last April, and with school, and work I almost had a breakdown from the stress. I feel like that I made the right decision and stand behind it 100%. You never get over this, you just learn to live with it.
I still see my counselor because life can be tough, and she helps me work through it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): My heart goes out to you. I had an abortion at 15 too. I knew that there was no way to support the baby, and I knew that the guy wasn't going to stick around. I know it sounds cruel, but I don't regret it. Don't get me wrong, it hurt and it always will. The difference is that I know I did what was best for me, and not best by anyone's standards but mine. I didn't want to be a Mom. That hurt you have is natural. In fact if you didn't have it I would be concerned. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that you aren't alone. Don't let the pressure from others get to you. This is your life, not theirs! At the time my brother and my boyfriends mom were very upset with my actions. But this is my life, love me or leave me.
Several years later when I was pregnant with my son, my aunt sent me a letter begging me to have an abortion. I refused. I was ready for the baby and knew that I was ready to be a great mom! It was the best choice or me.
So as you see, neither path would make everyone happy. The only right choice is the one that works for you. You are not selfish. You are not stupid. You are not a slut. You are obviously smart and capapble of making your own choices, so keep doing so. You will find peace. I promise.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 March 2010):
I think you should continue to tell your mum how you feel. But I also think that you need to speak to a counsellor. There are counsellors who are trained to deal with women who have had abortions, and I really think you need to speak to one. Your mother is trying to help, but to say that it will just get better won't help you or solve the problem. When we feel something, we need to understand it, not just accept that it's there and not do anything. A counsellor can help you understand how you feel, and suggest ways for you to cope. It's very for someone else to say that it will get better. But I've been told that before about other problems, and they don't just get better. Speak to your doctor and see about counselling. That will help.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (22 March 2010):
 Sweetheart, I truly understand your pain. I was older than you, but I had an abortion as well. 22 years later, it still haunts me. What's done is done, and you can't change things. You have to forgive yourself, accept that you did what you thought was best at the time, and let it go. And although you may feel uncomfortable, don't automatically assume your mother won't understand, ok? You are here baby, and that would have been her grandchild, I'm sure there's a part of her that hurts like you do. If you truly don't think you can talk to you mom then May I suggest that you seek out counselling? I'm sure that there must be somewhere near where you live where you could speak to someone, or perhaps you can just talk to someone on the phone. But it could really help you so much to be able to talk to someone. The hurts does fade, but trust me, even after all this time, I still mark the day..its just become a very sad reminder to me, BUT..like you..I did what I felt I had to do. It will get better, but its going to take time. Just keep in mind that you did what you had to do, and let it go. Please feel free to email me privately if you wish to talk alright? I'm not so young anymore but I still remember very much all the conflict I felt inside.
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A
female
reader, Entirely Unique +, writes (22 March 2010):
 You're right, you can't change this or go back in time and change the decision you made but you have to find a way to deal with it the best you can.
I don't think this is something you will ever get over but I do think your Mum is right and it will get better, you will learn to deal with it and the pain either lessen over time or you just learn to numb it somehow.
I would think about seeing if you could talk to someone trained in these matters, sometimes it helps talking to an outsider and someone that has the experience.
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