A
female
age
41-50,
*ap23
writes:Hi I desperately need some advice as in a real mess ! I dated Jon three years ago for about a year. I totally fell in love with him but became frustrated that he seemed to lack interest in me and the relationship seemed very one sided. He broke up with me suddenly after I told him I loved him and I was devastated. After a few months he contacted me and wanted to try again. This lasted about six months and again he made no effort, we never went out and he eoulfnt kiss me and sex was rare. He had massive hang ups that I would get pregnant and admitted he didnt trust me to take the pill regularly... his ex ran off with another man when she found out the was having Jon's baby. I again felt Jon wasn't really bothered and he ended it stating that I put pressure on him and had bad breath ! This is where it gets messy ! I have always missed Jon and have never loved anyone like him but we had no contact at all for 18 months. About 2months ago my neighbour glen started to chat to me. He is absolutely gorgeous and sweet but probably a real player ! All the women around here fancy him and he is really popular. Well glen asked me out and I thought why not ! We hadn't been out but were chatting lots and getting along really well. Then Jon contacted me out of the blue wanting to see me again , we met up a few times and really hit it off for a few weeks. Then last week he didn't bother with my birthday as he had his daughter and I saw and heard very little from him .. he kept promising to take me out and then forgot .. I was gutted and thought he didnt care. On Sunday I saw glen and he againaasked me out , he was gorgeous and kept complimenting me and gave me all the sweet talk ! He went to work but was texting me all night making me feel special. I then invited him in for a coffee when he got home and one thing led to another and we had the most amazing passion ! He made me feel so special . The following day I told Jon his he was making me feel and that I coukdntcarry on. He totally shocked me and said he wanted to be with me and give it a go this time properly .. he has been taking me out and spending time with me dating .. which is a first ! Glen is gorgeous and I know he sees lots of girls but I still feel so tempted to see if it could lead anywhere .. Jon has started going on about me getting pregnant again even though it hasn't got to that yet and after we spoke earlier about it he hasn't been in touch again.. I feel awful , I do not sleep around and have never cheated on anyone .. I just feel so messed up and don't know what to do please help xx
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broke up, fell in love, his ex, neighbour, player, text, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 July 2013):
 You like them both, but it's not as if you must take either one by doctor's orders, even if they are not right for you , is it ? You don't HAVE to be with them if you basically know it leads to nowhere else than heartbreak- and this just because you are at loose ends on weekends and don't know what to do with yourself . Take up some hobby then !
To be more precide - you should definitely take Jon out of the equation, because he already messed you up badly TWICE- second chance , ok, third chance, no way. And no, you don't love Jon, unless you are a masochist, you love the fantasy of what you COULD have with him, if only. Too bad there has always been and there will always be some " if only " to crush your dreams .
As for Glen, he does sound as a charmer and as a smooth operator, and , while personally I suspect he has played you like a pro, and his loving attitude will disappear as soon as he realizes that he can have you whenever he wants , so you are not a challenge and a novelty to him anymore..... of course I might be wrong and I think we can give him the benefit of doubt anyway. If you feel capable to keep your head on your shoulders and take it slow , without too many expectations, and without falling for him head over heels right away , just because he showed you some attention,,,, I guess there's nothing wrong in tryng him out and seeing what he's about, if he is as good as his word, and if he means it when he says he wants a real relationship with you. Let him prove himself to you, let him show you that his actions match his words. If he does, great- if he does not, cut bait asap and just chalk it up to a pleasant experience .
A
female
reader, zap23 +, writes (22 July 2013):
zap23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice. A bit if an update .. I had decided that my gorgeous neighbour was probably only after a bed buddy and my ex was trying so hard so I told my neighbour I couldn't see him again. I had some time on my own but on Saturday I was feeling proper confused after seeing my neighbour again. My ex has his daughter at weekends and won't see me during this time, my kids go to their dad's so every weekend I seem to be at a loose end. The thing is my neighbour came over with champagne and strawberries and totally swept me off my feet again. I haven't slept with my ex yet and I don't know where I stand. I spoke with the ex last night and he is saying he wants to give it a go and he really likes me, although he won't introduce me back into his 'family ' and weekends are his time with his mum and daughter. He has left me broken hearted twice before and although I do have strong feelings for him I am scared he will do the same again. He is definitely more trustworthy than my neighbour and we know each other so well. My neighbour is a real charmer and I heard he was with another girl Friday night. He has said that he won't see her or anyone else if he is with me but he does travel and I probably would never find out. I reallyllike both of these men for different reasons but hate myself!
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (20 July 2013):
 This ex sounds like a real charmer, don't fall for it. Things will never work with him and any guy who butts in and immediately talks about getting your pregnant (!)? He is clearly out to control and manipulate you, STAY AWAY. See where things go with your neighbor and cut Jon out. He is just bad news, it hasn't worked out twice now, it will not work out the third time around either. I'm sure he's good with words and charming and knows exactly the right things to say, but you know he won't live up to it. He hasn't twice in a row now. You should move on, and definitely make sure you have good birth control around this guy!
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A
female
reader, alien invasion +, writes (20 July 2013):
 it sounds like things with jon are never going to change and it seems like every time you get involved with him again it just ends up being the way it's always been - a mess.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 July 2013):
 You already tried Jon TWICE and it didn't work, I think he is ALL talk - very little action.
Drop all contact with the ex - he keeps wheeling you back in when he is lonely or horny, but it's NOT like he actually puts much effort into it is it? Even if he had his daughter stay over, he COULD have called or sent flowers. I'm sure the kid had a bedtime, and he could have called after that. It's not going where you WANT it to go.
As for Flirty Glen.. No clue, he does sound like a charmer and you DID make it easy for him by having sex so early, but of the TWO of them I would try that fella over the ex any day.
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