A
male
age
30-35,
*r. used to be
writes:I was with this girl for about 4 months, and honestly, they were the best 4 months of my life. I’m 19 and she’s 17. I went to high school with this girl for 4 years (she is one year younger than me). We never really talked, and she didn’t stand out to me. One day I talked to her and noticed how cute she was. I didn’t realize that I liked her until a few weeks later when I was at prom and I thought that I should have asked her. I was going to graduate a little under 2 months so I decided to grow a pair and start talking to her before it was too late. I began talking to her but I couldnt seem to make it more than just a friendly chat. On the last day of school I was going to ask her to see The Hangover, but I couldnt do it. I graduated and I even though I didnt see her, I still liked her. We occasionally talked on Facebook but that didnt mean anything. A couple of times I actually cried because I was so frustrated that I couldnt be with her. In October we started talking on facebook more. At the end of November I asked her if she wanted to come to a concert with me and a mutual friend. She caema and after that we started seeing each other more. Then at a mutual friend's New Year’s party we became "official". This began a nearly perfect relationship that lasted until the end of April. We had absolutely no problems. We never argued. We could talk for hours. One time we talked on the phone for 6 hours. We got very close, emotionally and physically. I would do ANYTHING for her. To me she is the most beautiful girl in the world. About 2 months in I realized I didn’t only like this girl, but that I was in love with her. I told her this and it made her very happy and she thought it was so sweet, but she said she wasn’t at the point of loving me yet. She just really really really really liked me. She said she liked me way more than any of her past boyfriends. I was ok with that. She said she knew that she could love me in time. We both said we could be together for a very long time. Here's where the shit starts: She's going to Europe for 2 months this summer and then going to a university 3.5 hours away a week after she gets back. We talked about this when we started seeing eachother and we planned it all out and I thought it was going to work. Then 2 weeks ago we were hanging out and the subject came up and she started to get upset and cry, and so did I. She said she didn’t know what would happen in the summer or next year. Then a week after that, we were hanging out and she said she didn’t want to but had to break up with me. She said she still has feelings for me and knows she will eventually love me, which would make the summer and next year a lot harder. I knew she was telling the truth because she was very very upset. We walked around and parted with a long kiss. A few days after we talked for a bit. I asked her if she thought this was final and she said she didn’t know. Her best friend talked to me about it and said that she was “confused”. Her friend also said that I shouldn’t be too worried and that it would probably work out in the end. This gave me a lot of hope. I wrote her a letter explaining how I feel and that I think we should at least try to stay together through the summer. We met up yesterday to talk about it, and she said it’s better for us to stay apart. Again I was devastated. I don’t know what to do. She wants to be friends and I want to as well. I don’t know how we will though because we still have feelings for eachother. I know it will take me a very long time to get over her. I don’t want to get over her. She is the first girl I’ve ever loved and I know I will always have a soft spot for her, even years down the road. I’ve been so depressed this past week. I’ve been smoking like a chimney. I cried a lot. I don’t know what to do. I want her to try getting through the summer, at least we will know for sure if it doesn’t work. I was even going to transfer to the same university as her, for a variety of reasons, not only her. I don’t know what to do. I’m still so in love with her. Please help.
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male
reader, mr. used to be +, writes (2 May 2010):
mr. used to be is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont understand how the "college experience" is more important than a relationship. It isnt to me. And I dont see how having a relationship will get in the way of it, really. To clarify, her FRIEND said that things will probably work out, not my ex. She will be coming home every weekend for at least the first month, and before we broke up I said I would go visit her on the weekends when she wasn't coming down. That would only last 4 months, as I was going to transfer to the same university as her after the fall semester. And Europe isn't an opportunity to party....she's visiting her grandparents and plus, she barely ever parties.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010): Rough. While I know it's heartbreaking, I think she is making the best decision for you both. I am 23, and when I look back on college, the thing I regret most is not having broken up with my boyfriend when I left home. Continuing to date him made it nearly impossible to get involved on campus and be happy at my new school. You get only one change to have the "college experience".While she may indeed be upset, it's very important that you listen to her actions rather than her words. She broke up with you. The fact that she said things "will probably work out" really makes me angry at her, because she is keeping you involved with her at no expense to herself-- she is trying to keep you committed, a fallback guy if you will, while she is off in Europe partying and not staying committed herself.I say that as much as it hurts to break up with your first love, you have got to focus on getting involved at YOUR university, doing well in school, and enjoying college. You will probably change SIGNIFICANTLY over the next 5 years or so; give yourself plenty of room in which to do this.
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