A
female
age
30-35,
*nonymousgirl
writes:I was hooking up with this guy a while back. We had agreed not to have sex because I'm still a virgin and want to stay that way, and he's never been with a virgin and doesn't want to be. He was rubbing his penis along the inside of my labia and he wasn't wearing a condom, but he told me that he gets tested every few months and he wasn't going to penetrate me. When he was rubbing his penis along my labia, I felt the head of his penis up against the entrance of my vagina. He was thrusting, but I could feel that he hadn't gone in. Then he started thrusting harder and every time he thrust it kind of stung. Then he thrust again and it really hurt, so I said "ow!" and he pulled off of me.We talked about it and he said he didn't think he had penetrated me, but it felt like he might have. He said that I was really tight and that he thought he was just grinding up against me without being inside of me. Because I've never had sex before, I have no idea whether he was just grinding up against me and it hurt because I'm sensitive down there, or whether he penetrated me, but he genuinely thought he didn't. When I got home I went to the bathroom and I saw that there was blood down there, and it felt sore. I really didn't want to or mean to have sex, but I don't know if I did or not. Am I still a virgin? I really don't want to have lost my virginity under those conditions. Also, should I be worried about getting pregnant? He didn't ejaculate, so I think i'm okay, but I'm still a little worried.Please help.
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condom, ejaculate, lost my virginity, still a virgin, vagina Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 You know something...
I am just surprised he didn't fully penetrate you, you gave him the chance to.
For future reference...
There are a lot of men who wouldn't simply rub his penis along the labia, they would simply penetrate. They won't ask, just penetrate, making the assumption if your panties are off, it is OK.
Sounds like he was testing what he could get away with and testing if you were happy or not.
Please use a condom, and don't rely on the guy to remember!
A
female
reader, love girl  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 honey i'm sorry to inform you that you did lose your virginity , blood coming out of the vagina is a sign that you lost it , but you didnt have sex your irst time can still be special , its in your heart not just your body ...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): ''We had agreed not to have sex because I'm still a virgin and want to stay that way, and he's never been with a virgin and doesn't want to be. He was rubbing his penis along the inside of my labia and he wasn't wearing a condom,''
Oh im sorry did I miss something here.......we agreed not to have sex...... but you did honey......
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): He doesn't seem like a good guy to be around honey, I'd get out of his way if I were you. It sounds as though he's penetrated you but not going to actually admit to it. And judging by the blood, your hymen has broke.
No, it's not nice conditions in which to lose your virginity, but if he's rubbing his cock along your labia, then what do you expect! That's like leading him on and then stopping him. Even though he should have resisted, it was too easy to penetrate. Although I'm ALMOST positive you're not pregnant, especially as he didn't ejaculate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): The hymen doesn't define virginity. Look up CoolNurse online and you will see this. I think that you were raped/taken advantage of. But I also think that you shouldn't play with fire. I am not saying it was your fault that this happened, because it wasn't, but I am saying don't play with fire again. I lost my virginity today. I was trying to wait till marriage so the guilt is starting to set in, but this is how I look at it-if you are going to do something, do it to the fullest, but if you don't want to do something (and you don't change your mind, or you are not divided, but all of you says no) then don't play with hot coals. When I lost my virginity I did not bleed, and I still kept my hymen. There are different types of hymens. Some more easily broken then others. Some have to be cut before the baby can be born, etc. etc. Just don't hang out with this jerk anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymousgirl +, writes (7 April 2008):
anonymousgirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone who responded... It gave me a lot to think about and I really appreciate having a few outside perspectives on what happened.
To the last person who posted... thank you so so much. It meant so much to me that you shared your personal experience with me, and thinking about what you said has really given me a sense of peace with myself and with what happened. It was consentual but I was not okay with things going that far, and after thinking a lot about the questions you suggested I asked myself I finally felt like I was pulling myself out of the haze i've been in since it happened. So again, thank you for taking the time to write out such a meaningful response... It has made a difference in my life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): Hi love,
First of all I think this is the wrong place to post such a question. These people have not been in your situation and cannot be the determining factor in what happened for you and what you consider your virginity. So let me start by saying do not overanalyze what has been written below me if it is emotionally hurtful to you.
Let me ask you this: What is virginity to you? How does one go about losing her virginity? What is the classification of a nonvirgin? Once you have those questions clearly answered, then you can ask yourself.
I was a virgin when I was raped, at 19 years old. It was and is something I value dearly, despite what happened. For a long time I felt robbed of my virginity, and I was angry that someone had stolen it without even acknowledging that it was mine to have, not his. But you know what? That isn't the right way to go about it. This young man may have attempted to cross the boundaries, but ultimately you are the one that calls the shots in this area of delicacy. Do you want to give him something he doesn't deserve? No. You did not have sex with him because sex was not something you wanted to do. I did not have sex with a rapist, no matter what he did to me, and in that case I consider myself still virginal, despite whatever heartless alligations others may say based off of "biological definitions."
In closing I want to reiterate that it is you who has the power in this situation. From the sound of this it seems that he went further than you requested, yet at the same time you made no consent and could in no way acknowledge what it was he was doing. But one thing is for certain, and that is that even if he thought he was trying to have sex with you, YOU were NOT having sex with him, and to me you are just as much a virgin as if you'd never even met him in the first place.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): yes, you did lose your virginity....Penis enters vigina, hymen is broken, blood is spotted, you lost your virginity. Even though he didnt not fulling enter, he did take your virginity. He was kind of decieving about it being as you were unexperienced and he said he wouldn't enter.
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A
female
reader, citris +, writes (7 April 2008):
 The hymen can be broken by a the insertion of a super absorbancy tampon, serverly rigerious sports sometimes, as well as masturbation can sometimes deteriorate the hymen.
A virgin is someone who has not had sexual intercourse, meaning the full insertion of the male penis into the female vagina.
This seems to be a shady area, I would say that you more than likely can still consider yourself a virgin. You should however take some precautions from here on forward when fooling around and being intimate with anyone. Including the use of condoms even if there is not any intended penetration.
Pregnancy is not your only concern here. It may be a slight one, however you need to be aware of the STD's you could possibly expose yourself to. Trusting that someone is clean just because they say so can be a dangerous game. There are also STD's that are not detected in men, even with tests, including HPV, the strain of viruses that can contribute to and possibly cause cervical cancer.
It would be a good idea to get yourself tested, just to be sure that you have not been exposed to anything at all.
It's easy to get caught up in the moment when you're fooling around with someone and things can get out of hand. Be careful and best of luck to you!
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (7 April 2008):
 It sounds like he may have broken your hymen. He may have even almost penetrated you or penetrated you just barely but i doubt he actually did otherwise you both realy would have known about it. I'd say it was an 'almost'. this doesn't mean you've lost your virginity. because you've not had sex. Tell him to be more careful though. It's easier than you think to 'slip in' in this situation.
I'd say you're still a virgin, even if your hymen has been broken, i wouldn't count it hunny so don't worry.
As for pregnancy. There's such a thing as 'pre-cum' which comes out of the penis when it's erect sometimes way before actual ejaculation. It's dangerous to have a penis anywhere near your vagina without having a condom on because it's very slight, but there is always a chance that sperm can find it's way into your vagina. I very much doubt you're pregnant but i would take a pregnancy test in about a week just to make sure if you're still worried but i'm sure there's nothing for you to worry about.
I hope this helps.
Take care x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): I'm no Doctor, but I think you just may have destroyed your hymen.
Which means that medically speaking, you are no longer a virgin. But as you didn't actually have sex... well not really, then in the general sense you are still a Virgin.
No offense here, this guy sounds like a jackass. I mean you tell him you don't want sex just yet and goes and does it anyway? Either he learns to keep it in his pants or you find someone who will.
Flynn 24
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