A
female
age
30-35,
*hannypie
writes:I was staying at my boyfriends last night and he was asleep but i couldnt sleep and i reached over to put something on the bedside table and found his phone.. i had to go thru it coz i did once before and found something i really did not like.. he had msgd his ex saying how much he missed her and waht not.. and at this point he was a few days from going back to where he lived last year( in another state) just for a week end for somthing he had to do. anyway i went thru his msgs last night and i saw more. but to other girls.. that also live there.. i think.. and dated up to only a few weeks ago... we have been dating for about four months now, one of the msg was from a girl im pretty sure is his ex and they were like i miss you i cant wait to hold you in my arms and all that. and he is going back at the end of the month. and he says oh not long now blah blah blah. then there was one from another girl i sure was his ex as well and it said that something about her future boyfreind having a stable job blah blah blah talking about him.. and then there was another one sent to his best mate saying can you come pick me up "ex's name" has no fuel.. after he had this frend promise me he wouldnt get up to no good. and i was crying last night and he woke up and asked me wahts rong and i just pretended i was sleeping. and then this morn i told him i had a realy bad dream and woke up crying and i explain what happened as to what i got from the msgs. so he was with his ex and all cuddly and what not and then had his mate pick him up and all he msged back was you know i was with "best mate"the whole time.. anyway i really dont know whether to believe him or not.. coz just before he went away that time we had a fight about the way he uses his fone.. he would hide it away from me if he got a msg but only sometimes.. so i knew he was msging girls so i confronted him about it and he said there are things he left behind when he moved and that his exs are exs for a reason he would never go back to them. then he told me if i didnt trust him to look thru his fone he has nothing to hide.. but i saw him deleting msgs before he said that to me.. he has an iphone and when i asked him why he deleted them if he had nothing to hide he said he wasnt deleting them he was moving his msgs around so that i would be at the top.. i only just found out that you cant do that on an iphone... someone give me some advice on what to do.. he is my first boyfriend and i really care about him, but i dont know whether i should stay coz of these events.. and confront him... please help im so confused!
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female
reader, KitKite87  +, writes (8 March 2010):
if those messages to the ex were from when you were officially together with him, it is very likely he cheated or at least was very much thinking of cheating on you. I would move on if you don't want games--he's lying anyway.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010): It has only been four months cut your losses it sounds like you are dealing with a cheater.This guy is obviously not ready for a relationship and it is only a matter of time before he breaks your heart.
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A
female
reader, brigid.imagine  +, writes (5 March 2010):
 This seems pretty tough. He's acting really suspicious, so i can see why you would be uneasy. all i can advise is you have a serious think about what you want to do, and if you believe his version of events. And how much you trust him. If you don't trust him enough, he needs to earn it back, or the relationship will fall apart. he will need to take responsibility for whatever is or isn't happening behind the text messages. Maybe next time he could take you back with him? Make a weekend date of it?
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