A
male
age
36-40,
*slander1234
writes:I've been dating the girl of my dreams. I have been over the moon for the last 5 months because I have finally met someone who I feel real love for, and who loves me back just as much. She is gorgeous and kind and I truely have fallen head over heals in love with her. The best thing is that she feels exactly the same. We both get on very well. After only 3/4 weeks of seeing each other she confessed that she had fallen in love with me. 4 months later things have still been going really well. We are considering moving in together.However... today I did something really bad. I read her diary... I know it was wrong to do. I am very insecure as a person and I still have no idea why this girl wants me. But I found out something posted in her diary last year that has really confused me. She said that she was definately bisexual, into girls and boys. I don't know what to do because I am already insecure and now this is just making me feel worse. What do I do? Beofre me she had been in two long relationships with men, one of which was quite destructive so I am thinking that that statement was perhaps a reaction to how messed up her last serious relationship was. But I feel really weird about things now, I don't know whether to confront her about it. I know that really it doesn't matter, as she is with me. But I just want to know whether there is any truth in it, or if it was just a silly phase.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): If she has NO plans to act on her attractions to women, then you don't need to worry. But first, you should get to know her and talk to her, and ask her how she feels about females. You shouldn't have read her diary. She will focus on that fact more than anything. So either don't ask or just figure a way to ask her what her feelings are regarding females and if she's ever been into that. If she decides to be honest, she will. Be careful. She might just be wondering if you read her diary, though! Yikes!!If she considers herself bisexual, it would make me nervous, too. I am being honest. But remember that anyone can cheat - not just bisexuals. Just make sure to DISCUSS THE TERMS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP! Make sure you at least talk about the faithfulness and commitment of your relationship. If it means NO kind of intimacy with others, then that should be discussed. (No flirting, dating, kissing, sex, emotional intimacy, secret emails, secret crushes....) If you both discuss and agree to not share these things with anyone else, then you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Lesbians don't typically want to date bisexual women, so I can understand how you must feel. It is a turn-off for some people and it is up to you if this will be an issue or not. She is who she is and you are who you are. Being compatible is important. If she intends to have open options to be with another person or to have some measure of intimate freedom with someone else, then she might not be right for you. You could get your heart broken. I understand that if she is writing behind your back in secret about her true feelings, it makes you wonder what else she might hide from you. It needs to be somehow talked about. She should be able to be herself and so should you. I personally don't share my wife with anyone else. It's simply not the sort of relationship I will engage in. It's not for me. You both need to establish what kind you each want to be in.
A
male
reader, Universe Man  +, writes (18 May 2011):
This is entirely your mental issue, dude. Plenty of young, hormonal women feel they're bisexual. Sometimes they change their minds, sometimes they don't. Rarely does it interfere with their ability to have a loving, committed relationship.
If the idea of her being sexually attracted to women is offensive to you, then you should either take a look deep inside your own mind and accept it (and I mean embrace the idea, not just put up with it), or you should break up with her, for her sake. She should be with someone who can accept and celebrate every aspect of her sexuality.
If you aren't mature enough to love her, bisexuality and all, then dump her, case closed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): Are you serious?
How is her being bisexual a bad thing? She's your girlfriend and in love with you. Plus if she's into girls too then your chances of a having a threesome and watching her getting it on with another girl are greatly increased (assuming that is something you'd like to do of course). Also assuming she actually is and didn't for that one brief moment just assume she was.
Look there is nothing bad in this situation at all. Except for the fact that you're so insecure you decided to read her diary and now it's made you even worse. Don't do that again, she's entitled to her own private thoughts and not all her thoughts will be things you would like to know anyway.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): Don't worry about it. She obviously loves you, to all the people saying that reading a diary is wrong, it's not. It is just 'research'.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 You're going to end this relationship if you keep doing these things. Insecure or not, there is no excuse for snooping, breaking her trust, and you REALLY should know better than to read someones diary. That is the worst sort of betrayal to someones privacy. How dare you? If you love this girl and respect her one bit you will feel remorse for doing this, and never attempt anything similar ever again. Or I swear to you she will leave you faster than you can guess. So be warned. I'd be furious if someone read my diary, you'd be looking forward to some real ass whopping if I didn't just throw you out right there and then. Be assured, if you tell your girlfriend what you did she will react the same way. NO ONE thinks it is ok that someone else read their diary without permission. So do not ever tell her. And do not ever do it again.As for what you read in there, it is none of your business. Leave it be, forget about it, get over it. This isn't any of your concern, none of your business, and if it bothers you then I think you deserve to squirm a bit as you brought this on yourself. Work on your self esteem instead and build up some confidence. And never mention this to her, or it might very well be the end of your relationship. Now tell me, was it really worth it? If you wanted to know why she likes you you should ask her.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 Maybe it was a phase, but , if it's not, is that so terrible ? It's not like you found out she was a Satanist drinking babies'blood.
Maybe are you thinking that she has double chances to cheat on you as compared to a heterosexual woman ?...
Mathematically speaking you may be right, but, at the ends of the day, it's all a matter of trust. Either you trust she loves you and she is never going to cheat on you ; or you don't, and if you fear being cheated on, what's the difference if it should happen with a man or a woman.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 Yes, you did a bad, bad thing, the worst. If I found out that you read my diary, (if you were my BF) we would be finished. That is a huge betrayal. So don't ever do it again. Now, you could just casually bring up the subject of bi-sexuality with the GF, and see were it leads. And keep reminding yourself that she is with you, and you'll have to try and not be so insecure. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, adamantine +, writes (18 May 2011):
 Well you'll never know if you don't ask her.
Personally, I think it shouldn't matter as the past is the past.
Just because someone is bisexual, it doesn't meant they have a higher likelihood of cheating. A cheater will cheat whether they like boys, girls, or both.
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