A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There is this guy that is interested in me, however I have ruled him out on after two dates, an informal meeting, and two chats online. He gave me a pretty tough first impression to get over as he didn't seem like he cared about others feelings or having good morals. However, I keep thinking back to it and wondering if I might be too harsh. Dating is unusually tougher for me because I have a medical condition others might not understand. I guess I'm scared of being rejected because of it and it's hard to know when it is the medical condition that is saying no to dates or if its just me. I haven't ever had any encounters with men, physical or emotional intimacy. Never had a relationship. Heck I haven't even had a first kiss or even held hands. I'm 21. I'm frustrated because of that, and life is pretty lonely right now. I've hit a tough patch in life and because of that meeting other people or connecting with others isn't as easy as it used to be. I have a few good friends, but nobody I could tell all my secrets to and have that kinship. Because of this, I keep thinking about him and wondering if I should take this chance. If I do it'd be out of sexual frustration, a small romantic hope, and loneliness. Is that good enough reason to risk rejection and maybe even future heartbreak?I guess I'm holding out for that special spark or someone that I really would love to get to know and be in a relationship with. But I have been told many times that that thing sometimes never happens right away. It might not be, i'm willing to admit it. Sometimes I feel like I should jump into things a little bit more and maybe experiment a little. Sometimes I think maybe I should just go out with him makeout a little, sleep with him and have fun. The reason I don't do this with guys is that i'm scared of the consequences of my own mental backlash. Sex to me can seem like an incredible bonding experience. How would a person be able to disassociate emotions while having sex? I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to do it and as a result have held myself back from opportunities. How would I deal with casual sex? Probably not well but I don't know anymore When is casual sex an ok thing to do?I'm confused. Any suggestion is greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, sick  +, writes (31 January 2010):
first impressions are usually right. i know many won't believe this but when it comes to bad behavior, there are no excuses and a first impression is more than enough to say enough!you are young so don't be too in a hurry to find mr. right. mr. right will come exactly when you are ready to meet him. rushing for something that is not for you can only make your life miserable. time will come when you will realize that life is too long to be in the wrong relationship.
A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (31 January 2010):
Clearly you must be attracted to this guy. No he is not a different person once you get to know him. Is he calling you asking for a second chance? If not forget about it. You want to know if you can separate the emotions from the pleasure? My guess is if you are asking then I doubt you would be able to do that. Don't risk the heart ache hun it won't be worth it. You will end up being used for sex untill he gets bored with you.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (31 January 2010):
I think you know the answer.
You've been out with a jerk, but are wondering if he's better than nothing.
But to justify this, you are doing what all girls do and saying "he must be a complete moron because deep down, he's in pain. I MUST HELP HIM!!!"
Some guys are just idiots. First impressions are usually pretty good.
Move on and continue to be selective. You are better than him.
Good Luck!! xx
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