A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Is it rong for me to won't my wife to want my wife to work ther no kids at home she wants house she like to go out to diner she wants every thing I told her get a job and we Will work on getting a home I don't no if we are right for each orther any more she don't trust me and I'm starting not to trust her .. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (15 February 2013):
 You're not wrong for your wife to be more considerate of you and actually pull her weight. If you've discussed this with her and she still refuses to contribute then it's time to leave. If you haven't discussed this with her then you definitely should. Maybe something like:
"Have you thought about our future? Do you want to know that you'll definitely have somewhere to live when we're old? If yes, then we need to buy a house. So do you want a house? If yes, then I'm going to reduce unnecessary spending by 100%. Do you want to go out and buy things? If yes, then get a job. Do you want to know that after we buy this house, I'm not going to kick you to the kerb? If yes, then you better well contribute to the loan because otherwise there's no way this house is going to be under joint-ownership."
Of course, the above is what you say when you're angry and not really good for maintaining a strong relationship :P
It's better to go about it more tactfully if you want a cooperative wife. Just don't let her push you around because your future is at stake here as well.
Not sure how it works in the USA but it sounds unfair to give spousal support to someone when there are no kids involved (or they're old enough to fend for themselves) and the spouse in question is fully capable of taking care of themselves.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): You're not wrong at all for wanting your wife to work! Marriage should be a partnership that is equal. She is not putting in her fair share instead she is just taking from you which is selfish. She is using you and using the fact that you're married, as an excuse to opt out of working life. She wants to be a child (a dependent) not an equal partner in an adult relationship.
Imagine if the genders were reversed. What if it was the husband who didn't have a job, refused to get a job and wants his wife to pay for everything he wants? Most people would not look kindly on such a man. Why should it be OK for your wife to do this if it wouldn't be OK for a man to do it?
You sound powerless and controlled by your wife. It is ironic that in some marriages the husband prevents the wife from getting a job as a way to control her by controlling the finances. I am not saying you should do this but just goes to show that you do have "power " in this relationship by virtue of the fact that you have the ability to control the finances.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 February 2013):
You could start by getting your own bank account and putting all of your money in it. Tell her if she wants anything she can get a job and stop being a leech.
Having said that, has she always been this way? Did you marry her knowing this? If so you got what you asked for, so you should just be straight with her. Tell her that you don't make enough money to give her everything she needs and still buy a home. If she wants to start making some financial sacrifices in order to own a home that's fine, if not she'll have to get a job. The third option is a divorce. Then she'll really have to get a job, but she'll probably get you for spousal support.
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