I pay for everything, he has no qualms spending my money, my mum disapproves, will he change ?

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Long distance

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Question - (8 March 2007)

5 Answers - (Newest, 9 March 2007)

A female age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I met a guy while I was in the West Indies on holiday through my aunt. he bascially is a taxi driver but he close to my Aunt.feelings started to happen when we spent a day together.On my return i rang as I could not get him out of my head.He was equally happy to have met someone from abroad. we have been speaking for nearly 2 years. it has quite frustating at times as I have helped him financially and spent alot money keeping the relationship alive by ringing several times in the week which has cost me a future. helping him to buy a £1000 car, mobile,mend his car etc. Even when I went back 6 months ago I was the one who paid for everything, which we spoke about sharing the hotel bill. i end up staying at his mother house which i was not prepared for as he didn't have the other 1/2 of the money for the bill.i found he spent my money if i gave him to buy something while i was there. my mother really is not approving of this relationship, she feels that he is not being faithful as i' here and he is there,she knows him through my aunt.he is a well mannered person and seems caring.i have not told my aunt or sibling about us being a couple.His brother is getting married should i go in march? i told him to pay for the hotel, he told me he will this time round. My mum does not want me to go. but i don't want to disappoint him by not going but then i think of what i done for him and what has not done for me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007):

You know I was thinking that if the role was reversed, say the guy is an executive and the woman is a taxi cab driver, and say the guy pays for room, for food, drinks, shelter, clothes, pretty much 90% of everything, then would you all think that the woman is leeching off of him, or would you think that it doesn't matter if the guy doesn't care?

It's possible that her guy is using her as a source of security for many things, but how do we know he doesn't have feelings for her? It's possible that he loves her, or likes her a lot, but finds himself in a situation where he can't afford to be in love, though his heart dictates his actions otherwise.

So with that said, does it mean that if he is poor all his life, he should not find love or accept love at all? That maybe he should fall in love with fantasy, marry his right hand, and form a special bond with his tub of Vaseline?

What if this was the other way around - having the woman be poor and the guy well-off? If the non-verbal arrangement is that the rich guy don't care too much, so long as she shows sincerity and her expressive love towards him?

For example, I've been in that situation before, where I was dead broke, working bare scraps, still living with my parents. Surely, my then gf questioned whether she could ever build a relationship with me if I am continuously poor or not as well off, but coincidentally, when we separated, my career took off and now, I'm making three times what she was making. I think about stuff like "How I wish I could have took her to Hong Kong in business class, and show her around my village and stuff." So does it mean that I was using her all that time, that I did not love her?

Of course, it IS still possible he is a bastard and a leecher and con-artist, but it is ALSO possible that he geniunely loves her.