A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 18 years old and i met the most amazing girl about 7 months ago. About 2 months into our relationship we decided to have a child together, our parents know and we have talked it through. However she has been sexually promiscuous in the past and has experimented with drugs though she is now clean. I was never jealous when she talked about anything that happened but recently i was getting somthing for her in her room and i found a little book that i thought was a photo album. When i opened it it turned out to be her journal. I couldnt close it and ended up reading the whole thing. I found out that about a month into our relationship when i had to leave for 2 days to go to a wedding she got drunk and had sex with another guy she liked before i came into the picture. she has told me she is over him and i am everything but after finding this out i dont know how to trust her, i really think that by now she is over him but it still makes me nervous, should i confront her or just try to get over it? Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): Yes you should have read her diary. If she didn't want anyone to read it then she should not have written it down. It is good you have found this out now before you had a child together. If this is the way she is when you are away for such a short time then she is not wife/partner material.
A
male
reader, spud4 +, writes (10 April 2010):
I have been in your situation -times three. That is to say that my [then] girlfriend cheated on me three times early in our relationship. I was about your age, she was 1 year younger. Flash forward 14 years, we have been mostly happily married.I did not find out about her promiscuous teen years until many years in our marriage and it still impacts our relationship today. In fact, i posted on this site to understand how many others obsess over their female partner's sexual past. See my original question below.The women/girls who respond to your question will say that you should not have read your girlfriend's diary. Please consider the source of the answer. Note: I am almost 20 years older than you and I have been where you are. The difference is that I have nevery had sex with anyone other than my wife.Since you have decided to have a child, you are making a HUGE commitment. And, no matter what happens in your relationship, you will be "connected" by the child. Therefore, I say you had a right to read her diary as she has a right to pry into your secrets (unless you are not really serious about each other).If you do really love her, try to get her to admit it. Probe a bit without telling her that you know - to see if you can trust her. I must say that you are in a position to make a decision. If i had known about my wife's past; it is possible that i would have made a different decision - but i cared about her despite the things that i had always suspected.When you do confront her, she will get mad and make you feel guilty; but do not feel like it's your fault, because it is not. You two must deal with this now (whatever that means) because it will linger until you face it.Young man - I know from experience.Ask yourself "do i love her despite this?".here was my posting from a few months ago.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-wife-told-me-she-was-a-virgi2.html
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A
female
reader, unappeciatied +, writes (9 April 2010):
Let her go. You can't confront her about something that you had no business reading. If you began searching for things you may just find exactly what yoour looking for! Not saying you were purposly invading her space, but you still had no business reading it either. You have learned things from her own admission. We are all a bit judgemental at times, and I wouldnt jump into having a child nor a family with a drug user, nor a cheater. Let it go. There are some very special young woman out there that respect their bodies and have a level of maturity about themselves. If your a good guy you need a good girl not a bad ass.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (9 April 2010):
 So she decided to have a child with you within one month of sleeping with someone else? And did it very quickly and opportunistically (ie in just the 2 days you were away).
She sounds like serious trouble to me.
You're also very very young to be having kids.
I suggest you tell her what you discovered. Discuss it and see how you feel about the relationship.
But you two need to be together for a couple of years at least before you think about kids. And she needs to demonstrate she's not going to jump into bed with another guy whenever you leave her alone for a few days.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 April 2010):
I don't think this is a girl you should be with. To bring a child into this world with her while she has acted the way she has done would serve only to make things worse. The situation is that this girl can't be trusted. If I were you, I would call it a day.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (9 April 2010):
 I think that bringing a child into this world with her would be a terrible disservice to the child.
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