A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this man whilst he was away for 5 months on work and we were instantly drawn to each other without really speaking. When we did talk it turned out he was married with kids, although my moral stance as always been very strong on this sort of thing we let it happen anyway, it was almost as if we couldn't control our feelings. Suffice to say he went back home and within a few days told his wife everything (within reason. She of course was devastated and I was surprised, although I didn't doubt his feelings I never imagined he'd go back and leave her. I didn't think that sort of thing happened in these situations! Point being he's been living out of the family home for a few months now but still goes to spend time with their two children as much as possible after work etc. As for me and him, we're 3'000 miles apart and have no firm plans for that changing for another 6 months. I know that he has doubts, not in how he feels for me, but in that the childrens lives will be changing and they won't have a full time dad as such. He feels incredible guilt as do I but both of us know how amazing we could be together, we can communicate about anything and everything connecting on so many levels. I truly love him and I know he feels that way about me too. However I still, on some days, am at a loss about what the right thing is to do. If you do read this could you post back.Thank you ever so much for your time.
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFair point BigSambo, however I've been planning this move since before "us" anyway, I have family in the states. I am not moving just because of him.
A
male
reader, BigSambo  +, writes (13 January 2011):
I read all the comments ...
It is not your fault that he left his wife, he was married and should know better not to get involved with anyone else. If he did love his wife he would not have done that either.
the point is you need to really think about moving to the US and away from your family and everything that is familiar to you. DO NOT DO IT BECAUSE YOU FEEL GUILTY. YOUR FEELINGS WILL CHANGE AFTER A WHILE. Once you are away from your family and frinds, or when you are finally seeing him everyday, you will start to notice his flaws, then that is when you will start feeling regret for giving up everything to move closer to him.
Ask someone who has relocated and most will tell you that at the end it is not worth it.
...............................
A
female
reader, viccra78 +, writes (12 January 2011):
I agree with pinktopaz. I perfer the saying "what goes around comes around" and don't be surprised if it comes back at ya.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Husband snatcher. Home wrecker. How do you sleep at night.huh?
...............................
A
male
reader, df30 +, writes (12 January 2011):
wow you two are great together thats good news, maybe he wasn't happy with his marriage, that happens too that was probably wasn't the case since he told her everything immediately. Now the kids get a part time dad and a woman probably got her heart ripped out because of this...however it takes two to tango and i bet he put his fair share of work in also, the reason i am up right now and have been for the last two days is because I found out my girlfriend cheated on me the first month we were together... would be easy to leave if we didn't have a 1 year old together, I wish I never would have found out its a cold feeling and I bet thats what she felt, they say this goes away... i hope so my heart was with her every second for 4 years and now all of it seems like a fairytale, she never was real in the first place looking back I was stupid to get this far.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (12 January 2011):
All I have to say and it's usually true is, "You lose them how you got them." So good luck with that.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Wow...there are hundreds of posts asking about how to get a man to leave his wife and family. Most autnies tell them to give up hope. but it seems you bucked the trend. I guess it's not as ideal as it sounds.
Don't feel guilty, you never asked him to leave his family or wife. He made that choice independantly.
Don't be too reassured he's left just for you. You could have been the last reason in a line of many for dissolving his marriage.
Maybe moving to the states is the way to go if you care that much for him. You already sound pretty empathetic and patient so I'm not going to give you the obvious advice. There will probably be an tough adjustment period.
Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your advice so far, just a side point; he's not going to leave his children to be with me, and i would never ask him to, i plan to move to the states to be closer to him.
...............................
A
female
reader, jadesketcher +, writes (12 January 2011):
What you need to remember is, what you do to other people will no doubt come back around to haunt you. You are a woman that has devastated the life of another woman, we both know how wrong that was. We all have to work so hard at marriages and men have a tendency to roam, I hate to hear when one woman hurts another woman. And then there is the children, do you have kids? Wait till you are a mother and someone hurts one of your children, I promise you will feel the pain only as a mother can. How many lives do you have to ruin, how many hearts need to be broken, how many children have to lose thier father for you to complete your own personal happiness. We are all held accountable for the pain we bring others eventually. God bless you and keep you safe, happy and wise. Good luck, but put yourself in the other womans shoes. ouch!!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): I agree. The main issue here is his children and they need their father. I think you're going to have to think about moving closer to him so he can see his children often.
You both made this decision to be together but the children shouldn't suffer anymore then they have already. I believe you when you say you feel guilty but you need to show that by putting those children first.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 Well is there anyway you could move closer to him and try and make things work? As it would be harder for him to move to you as he has two children to think about. Maybe look in to renting an apartment closer to him and finding work in the area and see how things go. Goodluck.
...............................
|
