A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I feel so weak, i need to protect my son.I live with my partner of 4 years and my 9 year old son from a previous marraige. Last night my partner prevented my son from using the toilet for 10 minutes because he was on the loo, then he had a shower instead of letting my son go. When i walked into the bathroom he jumped out of the shower and became really abusive, he said my son always waits for him to use the bathroom before saying he wants to go to the toilet, so he was teaching him a lesson and then he called me a 'f*****g scratter' in front of my little boy. I was horrified!This isn't the 1st time he has called me names or behaved in an abusive way in front of my child. I told him last night that this was the last time, and that I dont want to be with him anymore.Today though he has grovelled and said he will never behave that way again, he apologised to my boy before school. Could he ever respect me? ...I know the answer is no.The thing is, we bought my grans house after she passed away and I dont want to lose it. I can afford it myself, but probably cannot afford to buy him out. Its such a mess. He has been so apologetic today, and that I said I will give him another chance. Should I seek legal advice for in the future?thanks guys Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008): Thanks guys, I will indeed go to a solicitor to see where I stand legally should things go wrong. You're advice was very much appreciated.
I feel a bit sneaky because I'm not going to tell him I am going but sometimes you just have to do what is best for yourself and the ones you care for.
I invited this guy to share my life and he should treat my child and I with the respect we deserve because we do love him...Or he is out the door!
we have had a lovely few days since this posting so hopefully this is how things will continue
thanks again xxxxx
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (26 September 2008):
 Because your son is only 9, I would be surprised if you had to sell up, I have a feeling your bloke would have an obligation to wait until your lad is atleast 16. But dont quote me on that, you will definately need to look into it. And yes, I would do that now. I'm a forward planner by nature me, and I dont know about you, but I just wouldn't rest if I didn't know the score, even if its months or years down the line.
But if he is grovelling and believes this is last chance saloon with you, you never know, he might well grow up now?
Prahaps the lad niggles him a bit, but you came as a package and he needs to get over it!
C xxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): Dear Poster
You have received good advice from the other uncles and aunts; I want to make a further suggestion; as you have agreed to give him another chance, if he is really sorry and is sincere about the relationship and to prevent this kind of thing to happen again; why not ask him to go for counseling; he needs help with ANGER MANAGEMENT. If he is not going to get professional help to deal with this, it will happen again, it is only a matter of time.
Do get legal advice as it is always good to be informed and to know your rights; if will give you more peace of mind and you will feel more secure and have more confidence in dealing with the situation.
Best wishes and an extra hug to your son. Keep SMILING.
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A
female
reader, taina1980  +, writes (26 September 2008):
your child comes 1st forget the house or that idiot.no man is ever going to love someone elses child the way he would love his own...a good man can love a child that's not his but treat the child as if he were his own but this is the case if the child is an infant..when they met, I assume your child already had his own personality ...your son probably does things to get under his skin but so does evry 9yr old on the planet... your son probably acts this way because he's watching mom get abused & wants to protect you...i bet he can't stand this man...so his behavior is justified & understandable... however there are kids who are jerks & have no respect for authority & if this is the case you need to show your son how to respect his elders...when you guys argue in front of this innocent child he looses respect for both of you... he does not deserve to witnessing that... you can put the blame on your husband ,but ultimately your his mom he's your responsibility... so I'd say most of this falls on you... do you want your son to grow up & be an abuser or totally hate you for destroying his childhood with this nonsense??seek legal advice absolutely...children are a product of ther enviroment...proven fact...
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (26 September 2008):
 I am a firm believer in making sure that you have a security blanket should anything go wrong. I would think it a good idea to speak to a solicitor and find out where you stand should things go horribly wrong.
At worst you may have to sell the house you so love and probably have so many memories in, however that is a small price to pay if you and your son have a happy and healthy life away from abuse.
If you say that you are going to give him one more chance, then fine, one chance it is. But make sure that you stick to your guns. If he becomes abusive and stupid like that one more time, you will at least know where you stand with regards to having sought legal advice.
Look at what a solicitor says with regards to who has to move out etc. (That is, if anyone has to move out!) Check your options and make sure that if you say this is the last chance saloon, it really is!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): That would be a very good idea. It will clear up a few questions you have about separating and where you stand with the house etc.
No court would see you and your son thrown out onto the street, so having to sell the house might not happen for a long time yet.
Put your mind at ease - many law firms will give you a half hour of their time for free - baiting the hook, so to speak - so that you go back to them when you really need them. The Citizen's Advice Bureau will be able to tell you which they are.
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