A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi am looking for some advice. I am a 27 year old Single mum of 1 and I met a 24 year old guy about 6 months ago. We work together and get on really well. In the last few months we have been flirting etc and about 2 weeks ago as we were dancing at a party and he kissed me. My problem is this, I don't know if he is shy or if he's just playing games, he is very inexperienced,(I think he may be a virgin) and so is very slow to make any move on me. I know he likes me because he told me so (kinda). I have been badly hurt in my previous relationships but I feel ready to put that behind me and move on but am reluctant to get hurt again. I need to know how I can find out how he feels about me. Other people have commented to both of us that they can see the connection between us... what do I do?Hope you can help
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Cerberus, that's a really good idea...will try that Fingers Crossed eh?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): You aready have a good rapport in work and on outings, why not ask him if he'd like to meet you for coffee during the day on the weekend sometime.
Pretty straight forward really, just mention that you're heading in to do a bit shopping on saturday and then in passing say if he's around would he like to meet up for coffee.
That way it's not really a formal date and it will give you a chance to get to know him outside of work related things.
Pacing is the only important thing here,not too strong as to push him away and not casual that he thinks you're not interested, relax and try and get to know him outside work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all you advice guys, we are both single and I know for a fact that our company doesn't have a problem with dating co-workers. The problem is I have never had to make the first move, I don't how! Cereberus, this guy is not Irish he's Polish. But thank you for your advice, I know things are still a bit backwards here in Ireland whan it comes to relationships!!!We do go out together but only with work friends, I am scared if I do make the first move he will back off. I like the way things are now, he smiles and talks to me alot he looks me right in the eye when we talk, he brings me little small gifts (like a little chocolate or a coffee) we have great conversations, he made a comment about him being shy in our last conversation. He's so sweet and thoughtful I don't want to mess up what we have now!
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female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 As the gentlemen here have so wisely pointed out, sometimes guys are shy, and rather hesitant about making a move. This man may be like that. So..sometimes we ladies just have to brave and make the first move ourselves. You may just have to ask him straight out if he thinks of you as a friend, or if he might like to date you. But I agree with the point of view..be careful dating someone you work with! Some companies frown on it/forbid it, and it can have disasterous results if the relationship fizzles! Good luck though!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): Talk to him, if he is shy then he's not going to be the kinda guy that will take the bull by the horns. This kinda behaviour can easily be misconstrued as game playing especially seeing as here in Ireland the guy is still expected to make all the moves and be the assertive one, but if he is that nice a guy then he might be trying to be respectful to you too.
To be honest I'm like how you describe he is, I rarely make a move until I'm sure that's what the woman wants, the problem lies in that I'm expected to just know when that time is and very often that's impossible to tell especially seeing as Irish women rarely make that clear. I still don't get why the guy has to do all the work, all the moves etc. My current girlfriend is German as soon as she started liking me, she asked me out on a date and told me exactly how she felt about me from the start, no flirting, no games just straight out went for it and she got me. Try it,it works ;)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): first of all you did not mension if he is in a relationship with someone. If so i would suggest not to do that and have no relationship at all. If he is single take it slow. But remember most company's do not allow that at all. And if you work / worked together is it worth it loosing your job? Think clearly before you do anything.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 February 2010):
Well if he's very slow to make a move, it's less likely he's there to just use you. I think you need to continue to get to know him, meet with him and just talk. Get to know him, make sure you like him and make sure he's a good guy, and if he's still there waiting patiently, tell him you really like him. You need to get to know him more personally.
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