A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im not sure where to start. I only had one serious girlfriend before my wife. Sure we had sex, but I was only 19, lived with my parents and she lived with hers. Our sexual activities were mostly in the backseat of my truck, with a few nights in a hotel room. Both of us were inexperienced, experimented with oral but very little. Then I met my wife when I was 21 and got married with a few one night stands in between. But I feel like I never did anything crazy. My wife is 3 years older than me. Had 2 serious boyfriends before me. When she was 20 and the other 22. Lived on her own in college...so I can imagine the difference in sex lives.Shes performed oral on me until I finish. Swallows which I love. But I thought she had only done this for me because I was her husband. This morning she asked about my fantasies and I told her she had already fulfilled some. Swallowing being one because I had never had that done. I said it was nice to have shared that only between us...I asked if she had ever done that with anyone else. She said she didnt want to bring up past things because before when we had talked about it, it resulted in a fight.I cant tell if she said that because She had done that (swallowed) with someone else or she legitimately didnt want to fight by bringing up past things...Either way I will love her forever...but it made me realize or wonder what other things she has done that I never have. Will there be anything we will share only between us sexually? Is it just my ego making me wonder all this?Can anyone relate or help me think about things correctly?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (4 August 2013):
 You should try to forget about it. Whether she did or didn't shouldn't matter at this point, SHE'S YOUR WIFE.
You should accept her regardless as it's the past. She might or might not have done certain stuff before you came along. She had her sex life and you had yours . . . Notice what I said: HAD. Its past tense because its of the past. Focus on what you guys have now. Build on what you guys have now instead of tearing it down unecessarily.
Hope it all works out
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 August 2013):
 Holy Moly dude...
LOOK up the Uncle YOS (on DC) and his posts on Retrograde Jealousy, absorb it and then ask yourself this, IS it more important that she is WITH you, or that some sexual things aren't the FIRSTS for her?
THEY are however, the first for her WITH YOU. And that matters to HER.
STOP asking her about the past, because you can't (or won't) accept the truth.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (4 August 2013):
I really do not understand why people push their partners to talk about what they’ve done in the past, when they really do not want to know the answers because they’re going to get upset by them. She was quite right not to want to tell you the details of what she’d done with previous boyfriends, it was irrelevant and, quite frankly, none of your business. How would you feel if she probed you for all the details about sex with your only previous girlfriend or your one night stands? Would you not be hurt if she implied that something you’d shared together was less meaningful because you might have done that same physical act with some-one else? What makes sex special isn’t the exclusivity of some-one performing an act with you that they’ve never done before, it’s the love and meaning behind it. Patch things up, apologise and for goodness sake leave the past where it belongs. Or insecurity will ruin things.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2013): Hello irrational! you had several one night stands. It can't get more experimental, taboo and raw carnal than having sex with strangers. And now, you're upset about her two boyfriends?? Let this one go. She is smart not to tell you anything - you're an insecure man and will lash out at her for sharing any information. Seek counseling to work through these issue.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (4 August 2013):
 Oh, for the love of...
Yessss, it's your ego making you wonder all this. You are looking at a forest and you're seeing a gorgeous tree and you're thinking, "probably some other guy has see this before", and it's RUINING the beauty right in front of you.
You already have one thing that you've done together that is special - you got married. You've had married sex. And you know from your experience that the sex you have with your wife is a whole lot different than those one-night-stands and the serious girlfriend you had.
There is a slew of sexual stuff out there, and I am quite positive that your wife hasn't done it all. There will be plenty of new things that you get to do together. But most importantly, everything you do together is special and new because the two of you have never done it together. You're talking about oral, and you seem bent out of shape that she's done it with someone else - well, you've toyed around with it too. Don't forget that. And when you did it with your wife it was different because it was with HER.
Listen, I'm married to a guy who has been with 40+ people before me. I've never gone past 2nd base with anybody but him. Yes, I guess now that I think about it, it's a little weird that a lot of the things that we do together, he's done before. And there are some things that he's done with other chicks that he's never going to do with me. But I know that I'm different than them - hell, he MARRIED me. That makes me way more special and that makes what we do way more special.
And yes, even though his number is ridiculously high, there are still a lot of things that we've done together that he hasn't done with anybody else. But who's counting?
It doesn't seem that you've been married long - you've got a long lifetime ahead of you to do all kinds of new things in the bedroom. Some will be successes, some will be epic fails, but as long as you have a good time doing them - they're worth doing.
Stop ruining the greatness that you've got with your wife because you're wondering if maybe she's done this before. That's a losing battle. The past is the past. You are her present and her future. She married you because you're special. Don't ruin it!!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (4 August 2013):
 Yea man relax. Its not a bad thing shes experienced. She knows how to please and now she only does that for you.
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