A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Heres the situation. My ex boyfriend and i broke up 6 months ago cos basically we didnt spend enough time together and i felt that he didnt love me as i loved him. And i was gonna get hurt! Even though he tells me he does. I have thought bout him everyday since then hoping he will come back to me and realise what hes lost. I didnt have no contact with him. But he tried ringing texting me loads of times to say hes changed he loves me im the one etc! I gave in after 6 months and spoke to him cos i still want him. Basically he said that he wanted us to chat just to see how we got on and maybe meet up.hes still tellin me he loves me and we are flirting in texts. I have made it clear that if he wants to be with me then hes got to give me some commitment. Its gone on two year on/off just seeing each other 3-4 times a wk i need more! Anyway we met up had a good time talked he said sorry 4 alot of stuff and new it was all his fault why we spilt. Then he came home with me and we slept together! I know stupid! He was so loving cuddling me etc felt really nice. Anyway we agreed to meet on sun. But as the wk has gone on i feel unloved and depressed as he hasnt really texted me much. So on wed i texted and said that he needs to make his mind up what he wants to be with me properly or he walks away.and i will give him to sunday to make his mind up. He text saying ok. And basically i havent heard much else. I need to feel loved and in a secure relationship. Have i done the right thing? Is not hearing from him good or bad? Is he thinking things over? He always honest with me and says what he thinks. Do i just leave him to think? Its just when i want something bad enough and i love someone i would make it known. I thought when u love someone u would do anything! Ive also got a man who wants to take me out next wk. Should i go? Cos i got a feeling that he wont make a decsion by sunday!
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male
reader, melvinm  +, writes (27 March 2009):
From what I understand I guess he himself doesn't know what to do, looks like you are the more decisive one amongst you. Guys a take a long time to figure what they want in life compared to a girl who knows straight away. So the whole trick is to give him some time to sort himself out.
But at the same time you need to safeguard yourself from being exploited, I assume you giving into him is the physical expression of how much you love him, but does he think the same way or is it instant gratification what he is after ?
Take some time to think things through and once you have a good plan to tackle the situation, work your plan. Relationships doesn't happen over night , it needs time and effort to nurture it.
Do you know the worst mistake you can ever make? Getting desperate. Don't rush things just take it easy and see how it pans out.
All the best
www.StoppingBreakup.com
A
female
reader, playlislay +, writes (27 March 2009):
Just give him plenty of space and plenty of time.
No nastiness just because he hasnt got back to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): Oh, I also think the utimatum is not going to work.....you may want to call him and say I am sorry, I am confused, you don't have to make up your mind by Sunday, you have every right to take as long as you need to decide that you want to commit to me for life, but while you are deciding you can't have me all to yourself....in fact I am going out on a date on Friday.....so let me know if you'd like to go out next week....bye.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): I keep answering these breakup questions because I am currently going through a breakup myself after a two year relationship.
The only "mistake" I see that you have made is sleeping with him the other night. I am not judging you, I know you probably missed him terribly, and sex was a big part of your former relationship, it's what distinguished you from just friends to friends and lovers. But when you break up with someone and you want to reconcile...sleeping with him is "premature reconcilliation".
Your reasons for the break up were that you did not feel he was giving you enough attention and that he did not love you as much as you loved him and it seems this equates for you to lack of commitment.
Well after a breakup of 6 months, he probably is not ready to give you a commitment. What you have to do if you want to reconcile is make him start over from the beginning dating you....you have to rebuild your connection and you need to talk and work on what those issues were that caused the breakup in the first place....While you are doing this you have every right to date some other men and guess what if you don't want him to date other women you can even ask him to do that or at least let him know that you aren't going to stick around if he does. This may seem unfair, he may not like it, but as the woman in this relationship who wants a commitment from a man, you are the selector not the selectee......he needs to step up to the plate and win you over to prove his love to you, not the other way around....and he can't have you all to himself while he decides what his intentions are and what his feelings are towards you. Now you can even sleep with another man if you want to do so and you don't tell him about that it is none of his business.....and if you aren't in a commited relationship with him you are not cheating on him.
Don't fall into the trap of being a girlfriend because if you want to marry this guy he won't see your being a girlfriend, not dating others as a true commitment. Until marriage is on the table and a ring on your finger, to a man you are still just dating and he can get off that train any time he wants to. So if your goal for your life is to be married and live happily ever after, then you don't stop having connections with other men, you don't stop dating other men until one man steps up and claims you as the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life......you pick the man, he commits to you.
So decide if you even want to re-date your ex or if the break up was for a reason because the relationship was broken....if you do, then make him earn his way back into your life.....you are worth it and he needs to see that he could lose you forever if he doesn't pay attention and step up to claim you.
Good luck darling and go on that date. Don't sit around and wait for his call, do not text him, do not call him, let him come to you, or he will just sit back and let you chase him and he can be a non-commital jerk...who needs that game anyway?
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A
female
reader, Serenity1  +, writes (27 March 2009):
 i don't mean to sound rude...but it seems to me as though you're pressuring him into something he may or may not want...if you've already let him know that he needs to commit to satisfy you then he's well aware of that fact...furthermore, i would imagine that you'd want someone to be with you naturally and not because you've pressured them into saying yes or no...im not trying to be harsh but im speaking from experience...and in my experience i got my ex to come back to me BUT it was because i gave him an ultimatum as your doing now...what this does is forces them to say what you want them to, due to the fact that they do love and care but may not actually be ready to fully commit...so what happened is he agreed but shortly after we broke up...he didn't really want what i wantedyou must really care about this guy if you've been split for 6 months and you still love him...i suggest you give him a chance and not make him feel pressured...he obviously loves you too, or he wouldn't even bother with you after 6 months, so even if he has dated none have amounted up to you...so be willing to wait if he's not ready...if he's who you really want you may have to wait...this doesn't mean stop your life...but if you really want him and you know he's not commited to anyone else...WAIT ON YOUR MAN GIRL!!!Best hopes...
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A
female
reader, minnie_me  +, writes (27 March 2009):
if you think being with him and not getting much attention is going to hurt you walk away now before you get hurt. he needs to realize he either gives some commitment or you walk away and as for this other guy you should meet up with him if you like him because your ex hasnt made up his mind, dont let him hold you back. Good luck with everything!
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