A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is in the Canadian army and we have been dating for a year and three months now. He recently was told by one his advisers that during his leave in august he should get married because in October he has to move to another base and he wants me to go with him. He was told that it is a lot easier to move me with him if we get married but it would mean that we have to rush into it and it would be a quick short cheap wedding. I dont really know what to do, help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): Thank you all so much for your advice I will definitely take it all into account. I didnt really provide enough info for you all in respect to the fact that he is an engineer so he wont be going abroad until 2011 at the earliest and we will only be at his next posting for a year/ year and a half and then we will be coming back to the base where our families live. So its not as bad as it seems, I was just glad he never decided to go into infantry. However I agree with many of the answers you have given and appreciate them so so much! Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (27 March 2009):
 You've been given a lot of good advice. I have to agree with those who have brought up the Marriage part as being the thing that you should be focusing on most.
What kind of marriage have you pictured yourself in?
If you are okay with being on your own a lot (possibly for the next 20+ years if he wants his service pension) and raising children with a father who is away for months at a time, and you can handle this, that should be the thing that you have to really be considering right now. You will probably be away from your family with little money to visit often as well, so listen to Uncle Phil's advice about being homesick as well. Only you know what strengths you bring to this kind of a marriage, and whether or not you will be a good wife and mother under these circumstances.
You are not just choosing a man that you love, you have to support him in his chosen career path, so be very sure about what you are getting yourself into. I think that service wives have to be very strong, strong emotionally and very brave women to stand up for their men. And God Bless them, but I don't think that I could do it, and my business husband travels all the time, but I don't have the additional worry that a soldiers wife has to endure. If you can do it, you're a better woman than I am, and God Bless You too.
Honestly, I would consider this soberly, both eyes open, with all the clarity that I possibly about myself and what I wanted out of married life before entering into this, because it is a huge commitment to marry a serviceperson.
Best of Luck with whatever you decide, and if you do choose to marry, I'm sure that your wedding, whatever you do, will be memorable.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (27 March 2009):
And this is why marriages so often fail in the army.
As an army girlfriend in the UK, I got nothing. I didn't even get told if he died. As a wife I get a free house, free water, all the maintenance done for me, all my moving expenses, and I get to be where he is (well, when he's actually here.)
BUT....That is never EVER worth rushing into marriage for.
If you want a dream wedding then have one. I loved my dress fittings and the planning and cake and making all the choices together. All the build up and everything was a bit part of it.
Moving to a big base in the middle of nowhere away from everyone you know and then having him bugger off to Afghan for 6 months is the kind of thing that can put you on tablets.
Many women have kids for something to do and then they are trapped and can't even get a job.
If you want to do it right then do it right. Go long distance for a while. I know it will be hard but if you are going to marry a soldier you will be spending a LOT of time on your own away from him anyway, so it'll be a good chance to see if you can cope with that.
The fact you are here having doubts says to me that you know the right answer and that is to wait it out.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): Good advice from Emma. The reason you've given for getting married is not a good one. The fact that you're asking advice about it tells me that you have reservations about it. You need to be 200% certain that geting married is what you both want, and that you are committing yourself to this person for all the right reasons.
I say 200% because like Emma says, being married to a serviceman can be extremely stressful - at least twice as stressful as a civilian marriage. Let's say you marry, move to this new place and he gets posted abroad. You'll be away from your family and friends and apart from the company of other army wives you'll find that you'll be quite lonely and probably homesick. If I were you I'd give it another year at least before contemplating marriage. By then - if you're still with him - you'll know if you can cope with the inevitable separation issues that surround a military marriage. It's not easy being left behind while he's off doing his duty in foreign parts.
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A
female
reader, emma_ryan +, writes (27 March 2009):
As a young army wife, I know that your heart really needs to be in the right place for a marriage to survive.As for the wedding itself, it honestly is a waste of money. We did the whole family wedding and after it was all done we thought "wow what a waste of money".Remember that being an army wife means committing youself to a man that will spend months at a time away fom you. Alot of these marriages end in divorce because of the stress involved.
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