A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing someone off and on for the past few months and I need to end things with him. He really likes me and, despite me trying to "clue him in" the past couple of weeks, he's not going to see the breakup coming. I'm seeing him on Thursday (which he no doubt assumes is going to be a date) to do it properly.What would you suggest (or suggest NOT to do)? Obviously I can't stop him from being hurt, but I want to do this with as much respect, kindness and integrity as I possibly can. I've never done this before, usually things just fade off naturally. But in this case, that's not going to work. Any advice on how to make this as painless as possible for both of us would be gratefully accepted.There is someone new on the scene, but nothing has happened between us (I didn't want there to be any overlap) but that is not the primary reason for the breakup. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 July 2012):
 I agree with Karlos and BondGirl.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 You're already being thoughtful by coming on here and asking advise. You obviously don't want to hurt him. That said, you're not responsible for his happiness for ever and ever; remember, he has family and friends who he can go to for solace and he will be fine with time. As others have said, be decisive and get it over and done with.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Don't drag it out, just keep it short and make it clear that there is no scope for a reconciliation. Make sure that he understands that it is over and don't agree to any further meetings "for old times sake". Just say that you are sorry that things are not working out and that you wish the best for him. Don't feel guilty about the break up, that's what dating is all about, if you feel someone isn't compatible then you move on.
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A
female
reader, Barbie_Gurlzzz  +, writes (23 July 2012):
If you really have the intention of breaking up with him, then you have to do it as quick as possible. The more you do it late, the more he will be hurt For love increases day by day.
Secondly, do not be harsh. Tell him directly and you may for instance tell him that the reason for breaking up is that there is incompatibility. But do tell him the reason. Else he will keep wondering what's wrong with him that you have left him and can draw out any sort of conclusion
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (23 July 2012):
 If you want to break up with respect, kindess, and integrity, then tell him so you are not stringing him along anymore. That is disrespectful in itself. You just tell him that you are sorry, but you do not think it is going to work out between you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): There's no way you can do this with as little hurt possible. He likes you, a lot, and its going to hurt him as much as it will. Nothing you can say while breaking up with him will make him feel better about it, it is what it is.
All you can do is be honest and straight down the line with him, get on with your life and let him do the same.
Everybody hurts in the beginning of a break up, but with time it gets easier.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 The fact it has been off and on for the past few months should make it a little easier. You need to be firm and honest, find your own words to tell him it just isn't working for you. DONT SAY "It's not you it's me".
Breakups are rarely painless, and being dumped is going to hurt, but you have already tried to remove the band aid slowly, with no luck, so grab it and do it quick!
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