A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hiya i wrote up afew days back about the fact that my bf did not like me being friends with my ex husband although i was clean about it from the start and he was ok now he's changed. This is the link to my last question: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-struggling-to-move-on-from-my-husband.html. Well i brought it up with him the other night(my bf and he wouldn't addmit it straight out but yes he doesn't like that me and my ex hubby are still close friends, we argued i said well if you can't handle the fact i have friends when he has lots of female friends then we aren't going to work. He said you know thats not what i want i just can't say how i feel about you two being so close, i know you put him in you life before me. Now i don't know where he got this idea from but i have never said that and i told him sarahs number 1 in my life and always will be (shes mine and my ex's daughter) He knows my ex is an important part of my life but he is too both it totally different ways. My ex hubby came over the other day to fetch sarah because he was taking her to his sisters with him for the weekend and he said thisd to my bf"i don't want you to get mad at me for this but i honestly don't understand what the problem is that you have with me" and my bf said "its not that fact its you its just the fact that its not natural to be that close to an ex and i know she puts you first in her life before me and she always has and will" i heard all that from upstairs and just after that when my ex said "she doesn't, she loves you but its something u'll have to take up with her" i came down and nothing more was said. Until the next day when me and my bf started arguing about it again. By this point i couldn't handle it anymore and was hoenstly thinking do i actually love someone that can't accept me for who i am because he doens't have a problem with my other friends. But we argued and agreed soemthing needed to be done. So he stands there and goes "go on then" as if i had to stop seeing my ex for it top get sorted. So i said its your problem you deal with it.Anyway it ended up with him walking out. The next day sarah came back and went round to her friends as they were going out and i just broke down in tears to my ex. He said if its going to get my bf and i back together stay away and we won't see each other anymore and that made me worse. I just realised it upset me alot more knowing that i might not be able to be as close friends with him anymore than what it does thinking about breaking up. I'm so confused. I was walking my dog this morning and my ex came with me so we could talk and we saw my bf. He just looked at me and walked off. I got a text about 30min ago saying "i knew you'd get back with him, you don't even care" I sent many back saying i haven't but i need someone to talk to just like other humans do and hes my friend so i can spend as much time with him as i want. I've also tried calling him and he keeps saying i come back and he goes. I just don't get it this is tearing me apart i don't think i could go on if i lost my ex and just don't know what to do i feel so sick because of it all, i can't stop crying because i know my ex wants the best for me and he is prepared to do whatever it takes but if it means loosing him then i'm not. I'm so sorry this is a long post but the more you know the more you would probably understand as its very complicated as you can tell. I'd be greatful for any advice, i really need it. Thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Aquarian64  +, writes (30 June 2011):
When you leave your husband there are consequences! You want it all! A happy ex husband, vibrant boyfriend and child.You need this to happen to you so you know what it feels like. You boyfriend is actually being normal in his behaviour.
A
female
reader, leni  +, writes (13 November 2008):
i reckon you have answered it yourself. you said you 'cant go on without your ex'. why on earth have you got a boyfriend then? two guys around you may boost your ego but its really unfair to your boyfriend, im surprised he's even still around! you sound as if you are still totally in love with the ex. how would you feel if the boyfriend treated you like second best? you have actually got him third on your list of priorities, your kid, then ex, then boyfriend. you are not offering him anything much are you? it called having your cake and eating it, in other words - selfish,its all about what you want and that just isnt fair. free your boyfriend from all this drama and get back with th ex.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (30 October 2007):
 Hi,
I'm wondering why you arent still with your ex husband in the first place, you get on well, you are confidantes and you have a daughter together. What is the problem with the relationship it all seems so rosy yet you are not together anymore?
I can see where you are coming from, it is important for your daughter to see her parents getting on well, but you will have to accept that if your ex husband is going to play such a central part in your life then you will find it hard to have another relationship . I can't think of any guy who would be happy with sharing you with an ex husband.
Good luck, but I think if you want a relationship in the future you are going to have to revise how much attention you give your ex husband.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): Get back with your husband and child if he wants you.
You love him, you lust your boyfriend.
Sex! you are getting love and sex confused.
You and you ex are just having a fling period.
You drifted apart, now all you have to do is drift back together
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Vixxy +, writes (28 October 2007):
 i understand that you have a special bond with your ex husband.....after all you did marry him and have a child with him so of course your going to be close.
I also understand why your boyfriend (or ex) feels the way he does...Think about it....Everytime you argue you go running back to your ex husband to cry on his shoulder......What if it was the other way round and your boyfriend ran to his ex wife telling all your problems and you were left on your own?.....You wouldnt like it.....No right person would.
Then to split up and him see you in the street with the ex husband....I actually feel sorry for the guy!!
Maybe he didnt go about it all the right way but feelins can make us all do silly things and things we may regret in the future.
I think you should stop the heart to hearts with the ex husband and the walks out and all that close friendship stuff. You can still be good friends for your daughters sake.....But i'm sure your daughter will get confused if her dads there one day then your boyfriend..then you split...then hes back...then theres arguing.... then her dads back to wipe your tears...The poor girl will grow up confused!
You should step away from all men.....focus on your daughter and apologise to your ex!...(both of them)...You need ur own space and they need to know where they stand....Men may be a pain in the bum sometimes lol but there still human and still need to be treated with respect.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): If you need your ex so much, you obviously haven't let him go! It's extremely unfair to your boyfriend and you're messing with his head. Do the kind thing and let him go if you don't love him so he can be with someone who does. Your boyfriend should be the one you turn to first and foremost.
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A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp +, writes (28 October 2007):
 Well to be honest I can definitely see where your boyfriend is coming from. It's completely natural for him to be jealous I mean you were married to this other man and have a child with him. Your boyfriend sounds very insecure and I'm not surprised if you are as close as you say you are with your ex. He will feel completely obsolete. Your boyfriend should be your shoulder to cry on, not your ex. You should be friendly and civil with your ex when it comes to saying hello when he picks up your daughter but you shouldn't be confiding in him with things that to be honest do not concern him anymore. You really do need to sort things out in your life and decide who to put first because I agree with your boyfriend, it does sound as if you put your ex first. Your ex seems like your main confidente. You boyfriend needs a big confidence boost and you need to be the one to give it to him. Stop making so much contact with your ex. Sure you have a child together but your not still married. I'm sorry if I've sounded harsh but I think your boyfriend is right on this one.
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