A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,my gf decided to end our 4 yr relationship about 5 weeks ago. it was a complete shock for me. things were not going that well for past month or so. but then she was acting normal before the break up. i wanted to spend weekend with her to get things to normalcy. but her friend came over and pushed her over the edge. i am indian and she's american chinese. she did a lot for me in these 4 yrs. she learnt indian cooking and cooked for me everyday. her brother and i never got along. i never expecte her to break up like this. i asked her why she did not talk to me before ending and she said we were not communicating. i told her i wanted to fix things and was about to pop question in a weeks time. we'd even talked about children etc in the past. i know i should have married her 1 or 2 yrs back. she keeps telling me about what went wrong in the past.i've made mistakes and i told her i own upto all the things and i've changed and i want to fix everything. i tried everyday for 2 weeks to convince her by doing things. she kept telling me it's too late now, don't waste your time. first couple of weeks she was acting normal when i was copletely shaatered. but a week after that she told me she cannot sleep and has no interest anything. when i asked her why put both of us through this she keeps talking about past and gets upset. i used to stay with her. now i am away fom her for about 6 weeks in india. i moved out before i left country.i asked her to meet me the night before i left. she didn't want to eat dinner or drink coffee with me. she was again angry and went home like that. but she called me and left message saying 'i am sorry about tonight. i am frustrated about whole thing, i need some time'. i did not reply as i did not want her to be upset. she called me again in the office to say the same thing. i sent her bye mail saying she can take as long as she wants and i am always here for her. unforunately i cannot fix past but i can promise a better future. she called me when i was in the airport and started with things are never going to work out b/w us and past. i asked her what's bugging her and she said emotional stress. i told her i don't want to talk about the same thing. both hung up. she called again after a while and told me her family and friends are questioning my motivation,i told her to use her own brains and not her friends. my friends are asking me to move on as well, but i am not listening to them. if she is questining my feelings and motivation i don't want to be with her as well and told her i won't write or bother her when i am in india, she said calm down and this is what i am talking about you being aggressive. she wrote me asking how i am once i reached india. i replied back yes i am working, hope all's well. she said take care of urself. there was no communication for about a week. then i asked her hiw's she and how was the weekend, she did not answer how she was but told me what she did for the weekend. meeitng friends, brother etc and said she is tired. i wrote back what i did with some reference to our past and asked her if she is sleeping since she's tired. she ignored my reference and question about sleep and wrote back enjoy time at home as u don't get time to spend there. i wrote back yes but i am missing her.i havent' heard from her after that. i love her really and want to get back with her desperately. i am not very expressive of feelings and that's one of her complains. she tells me she has never seen me like this. i am not sure what i need to do at this point to ger her back. i am more concerned as i am not in US until last week of nov. please advice.
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male
reader, Tryin2findabalance +, writes (30 November 2009):
Dude i totally feel what you went threw im goin threw it right now. I was hoping that u could lemme know how it turned out for u as i am wondering alot about how my own situation will turn out My girl and where togther for about 4 years we met in highschool and fell in love. We would spend every minute of the day togther and we both had alot of fun. Then i went away for three months and when i was gone she and a friend of mine hooked up. She told me about this and we talked while I was away and we talked over the internet a little. She said she was really sorry and wanted me back i told her i would think about it and let her know when i got home. I got back and we got back togther i loved her to much to tell her no. Things went good after that and we stayed togther for about 2 years after that. This whole time we where on again off again but the breaks ups never lasted more than a couple weeks. Now we have broke up for good or at least for a long time. She told me she cant handle the way that Iam when iam angry but she stil really loves me. I dont know if this is true or if she just is using it as an acsuse. We broke up about a week ago and havent really talked much we are tryin to be friends so we hung out a couple times. I would try and talk 2 her about getting back togther during one of these times and she said no i didnt press the issue. It is so hard to see her especilly her picture on myspace she looks so good and put togther more so than when we where goin out i feel like she is so happy to be rid of me It makes me fell so horibile. Ive gone thru break ups b4 but none like this i fell so empty. I pretty much told her that if this is how she fells than thats wuts best for us to do I also told her that i felt the same way and we shouldnt be togther any more which was just a lie because i didnt want 2 seem needy. But i really miss her it hurts so much to thihnk of what shes doin and whos shes with i dont know what i would do if i found out she was with some one else it would crush me.
Like i Said it would be awesome if you could tell me how it worked out for you if nots its cool though it just helps writing this and knowing someone will read it
A
male
reader, sd +, writes (7 November 2007):
hi harvey and everyone else,
update
the other day she saw me online. she did not say anything to me and niether did i. but she imeediately asked my friend how am i doing and about my work. she said she was scared for a moment that i'd quit my job. she spoke to him and told him that she's slowly getting used to sleeping alone again, without lights and tv on.
not sure what's on her mind. if she just wants to move on why does she keep asking my friend about me? she knows that he would tell me everything. is she letting me know that she's moving on?
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A
male
reader, sd +, writes (1 November 2007):
yes you are right. not sure why i keep thinking she'll meet someone so soon etc. that might be coz i don't what's going on in her life and i haven't heard from her in a week. may be she is still not sleeping etc. but she doesn't want to ans those questions.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): no need to thank me.
i know how it feels.
its so so soon in the break up that u will probably feel bad for a while. but remember it doesnt just get easier it gets totally easier. it could even take a year to totally get over it, but thats not because she was so special and you were so lucky to have her, its because you have been so used to being with her for so long. its a shock to the system.
by the way i dont think you ruined youre chances, the last thing you can think is what if i did this or that differently.
you are right though when you say, you may not find someone like her, but what you cant see now is that even if it takes ages you will find someone and the reason youll love them so much more is because of the fact shes not the same. sounds strange now and you might even think you never want to be with anyone else, but eventually you will completley move on, find someone that is totally meant for you, and this will all help you in that relationship. thats why the last 4 yrs wont be a loss. life is all experience.
experiences like this make you stronger and a hell of a lot wiser. these words may only make sense when you do get over this because at the moment youre still hurting. just remember she is the one that is at a loss in the long run.
dont worry about her meeting someone, when i found out i was really hurt but you do learn to really not care. if she meets someone soon its just gonna be rebound anyway.
take care my friend, just remember, its her loss. bigger and better things will come along. dont doubt that! itll happen when you least expect it and youll think what the hell did i care that much for!
take it easy.
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A
male
reader, sd +, writes (31 October 2007):
hi harvey,
thanks for your words. seems like you've been through what i am going through. i did have a break up before after few months. but since that was just for few months and not a live in relationship and i was younger i was able bounce back faster.
with this relationship, i was certian we'd grow old together. i am quite sure she had thought same as well. she had infact told me that she needs ring worth about 3 months my salary and the fact that we'd talked about children etc.
after 4 yrs live in relationship and being so close to popping question it's hard.
initially i did feel that i am not going to find someone who's going to be as loving as she was and do all those things for me. even now i feel that sometimes. i am quite sure there won't be one exaclty like her.
i do agree with your opinion of why she might not be missing things. when i broke up and had left in the past (i was away for few days) i did feel bad, but i knew that i could get her back if i wanted to. but she was a wreck, she slept with my shirt on etc at that time. but even then, why was she not able to sleep after i moved out this time? she kept telling me that she needed to take pills to sleep and nothing interested (her work, food etc) her anymore. i don't understand why go thru all that and still break up. i keep thinking it might be easier to trust me and give it one more chance, but looks like she doens't want to trust me anymore and has profound influence of her family and friend (especially one).
i was so feeling so much better yday, but then this morning again i started thinking what if she starts seeing this guy or that guy. the feeling i've is, she'll have all the things (she had with me) with the other guy. it's just hurtful. although ppl say she won't start dating so soon etc. but u never know, what one might do to feel secure etc.
do u think whatever i tried in the begining hurt my chances?
she did come back saying now everybody's is questioning why you want to get back (she thinks or atleast i think her friends have told her) that i might be doing this to take revenge. i can't believe that woman has been brain washed like that and her thinking is so twisted right now. i stayed with her for 4 yrs and never have i hurt phisically or touch her forcefully. she should atleast know that already. that's what made me say in the airport that if she is doubting me then i don't want to be with her either and would stop trying.
well hopefully she'll get to her senses and realise what she has done. it'll be a loss for both of us to put in all those 4 yrs of our lives and not get anything out of it.
i think in my case all the problems were solvable, but she just got tired of waiting and this happened when i wanted to fix things. my bad luck.
harvey, you've been great help so far. it seems like you know exactly what i am going thru. thanks for the messages.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): dont keep thinking she doesnt feel anything, it would be absolutley impossible for her not to.
ofcourse she still has feelings for you, but at the moment she has probably lost romantic feelings for you.
it might help you to try and think of the psychology around what you are feeling. this may sound silly but what you are feeling is exactly what everyone feels in this situation. at the moment you will probably be thinking she is the only woman in the world you could ever have such a strong bond with or love this much. youre probably thinking that everyone who says you will get over it just doesnt understand because they, you feel, havent loved someone as much as you love your girl.
if you dont get back with her you have to remember you will not allways feel like this, you will allways remember her, and think of her but it wont matter that youre not together. honestly!
also, you have to realise that because she broke up with you, it will seem to you that she doesnt care. at the start its going to be much harder for you because you are scared of what the future holds and you have no control of whether you are going to get back with her. thats why it seems to you that its so strange that she "doesnt miss anything". put the shoe on the other foot, imagine you broke up with her, say you felt a bit fed up and you broke up with her. now imagine that you knew she was hurting and she really wanted you, and you knew that if you wanted to get back with her at any time you could. you would have no reason to miss her because you knew she was thinking of you and you could see her if you decided you wanted to.
at the moment you will feel like she doesnt care but dont think shel ever ever forget about you.
you both have totally different ways of looking at the situation, for her she has nothing to lose because she can see her friends, mabey even try to start dating, but if that fell through she knows, you would allways be there to fall back on. also, the fact she knows you want her, will give her a bit of confidence, whereas youre confidence has been trashed.
what will make you feel so much worse about the split more than her is ultimatley the control of the situation.
it might have been better if you didnt call and things at the start but you cant beat yourself up about that because its only natural. 99 out of a hundred people would have acted the same way.
the reason youre waking up thinking about little tings about her and missing her is fear of not having them again and hurt that shes the one taken them away from you.
shes not missing little things because she doesnt need to cos she knows if she could have them back if she wanted to.
she will only start missing you when she thinks she couldnt have you if she chooses to. thats why cutting contact will probs be best and if she contacts you do not mention relationship, be happy and seem busy.
you'll be fine. enjoy the time with family, take up a hobby or summin, try and take youre mind off her as much you can. it might take her years to really regret breaking up with you but you cant sit around waiting for that cos it might not happen. you need to try and get on with your life and be happy.
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A
male
reader, sd +, writes (30 October 2007):
hi harvey,
thanks for the reply. yes that's exactly how i feel. and it's hard for me to believe that she's not missing anything or that she doesn't have any feelings for me. atleast she told me when i was there that she cannot sleep and nothing interests her anymore. but she completely avoids question of how she's doing and why she's tired.
at this point i think i've no other option but not contact her anymore. so i am not going to contact her anymore. i am already repenting sending her mail last week. probably i should not have done that either.
from what she said i need some time and the talk we'd before i left i thought i might have some chance. although she started by saying things are never going to work, she did call me again after we hung up and then it was more like the first day going over things and she telling me her friends and family are questioning my motivations. then she started crying asking why did i treat her that way. she's the one who sent me mail asking how i was doing. not sure if it was sympathy.
but being away from her and not knowing what she's feeling drives me nuts. how can she not miss anything at all. we were with each other day in day out for 4 yrs. i miss so many things from the time i wake up. there were these little things that she used to like about me.
granted things were not going that well, but atleast she could have spoken with me once before breaking it off like this. i believe that her family is biggest factor in this break up and that's the hard part. if it were her alone i think by this time something would have happened. she keeps telling me she needs to answer them.
i do repent what i did, i.e. beg etc but that was in the first week and little bit in the second week. she did say to my friend that i am trying desperate measures. after that i left her alone for a week. then called her to just say hi. that's when she told me she couldn't sleep etc. after bringing up the past we stopped talking. but she called me saying her friend cancelled on her. from then onwards i tried to tell her how feel, as that was one of her complains. then she used to stay home by herself. now she's trying to meet up with her old friends etc. she wrote me in the mail, it's good have one of her girl friends around.
all said and done at this point i've no choice but to not contact her and try to move on. it is really hard. atleast here i am with my family, i keep thinking of what's going to happen once i get back. i am going to feel so lonely.
harvey, how is that she can just forget all those 4 yrs? how is that after doing so much for me and loving me so much, just not feel anything now. everybody keeps saying she won't forget. but i am not sure.
i just hopes she feels something. at this point knowing how she feels will make things easier for me i guess.
i did try to end it twice before and she was a mess. but i did go back to her immediately as i thought it was not her mistake. i think that's why she felt like second class citizen. i thought she went to extremes to make me haapy and that i think is wrong.
all i can do at this point is keep praying and try to move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): hi,
I wrote a long answer to you yesterday, i was the guy who said about not calling for a month.
I never answer questions on this site, i just very rarely come on here and have a loo around. but when i read your question i knew exactly how you felt because ive been in your position.
i felt so bad for you cos i know when the person you truly love and you thought truly loved you breaks up with you it feels like youre world has ended. it feels like someone is ripping out your lungs and your stomach. am i right?
millions of people go through this, and millions probably are right now. trust me it will get so much better.
please listen cos im speaking from eperience. if you want to reply you can call me harvey(not my real name)
anyway, i was with sum1 i thought i was going to spend my life with. i absolutley loved them unconditionally. but they broke up with me totally out of the blue. i felt like your feeling now. i begged, i pleaded, i phoned, i wrote, i drove a hundred miles to see her, i basically lost all self respect, i just NEEDED her.
we did break up twice before that but she took me back after beggin, but that was awfull because she had all the control and i was basically the second class citizen in the relationship.
the time we did break up, after about 3 weeks she got with someone else, after 4 years of being with her! i was a wreck but after speaking constantly with friends and family(very important) i decided i should be the person i was before i met her, not 4 her sake but for mine. never once have i called her, and its been a year. ive seen her out and even at the start wen i was still heart broken i would put on a front of being happy. she has text me on a number of occasions, hugged me kissed me, cried to me saying how much i meant to her. now, i really really dont care that im not with her and she can see me getting on well in my life and being happy, her friens have told me how much she wishes she didnt break up with me. but i dont want to be with her anyway.
the point im trying to make is, again dont be needy, and try to get on with youre own life, because if she wants you back, she will let you know, but you should try and let go and move on and just see what happens. pushing her and making her feel like you are so lucky to have been with her isnt going to make her want you. if she knows she can have you whenever shes never gonna miss you and wonder what shes missing.
my story isnt the only example. ive 2 friends that were in the same kind of position.(true stories and very recent). my 1st friends girlfriend told him that she just doesnt feel the same anymore, started crying and said im not in love with you any more. my friend laughed and said dont worry babe i feel the same, hugged her walked away and said see you around. after a week of no contact she was phoning him crying saying she is in love with him and shes been an idiot and asking why doesnt he love her anymore!
my 2nd friend more or less the exact thing happened to him, slightly different circumstances, but not very, anyway he cried, got on his hands and knees, phoned all her friends asking if they knew anything, phoned her mother, bought her gifts, even slept outside her house in the car crying. he phoned a week later saying hes changed etc. got him no where.
can you see my point?
im not saying its allways gonna work like that but women are gonna be attracted to someone who is confident about the way they are abd assertive. never change for someone. i know people who are so arrogant and not that nice but because they are confident about the way they are their wives or gfriends are totally under the thumb even though they wouldnt usually like that type of guy... so they say.
anyway, try and move on, i bet you could think of times where shes been far from perfect, but you didnt want to break with her. she should love you for who you are my friend.
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A
female
reader, elliebellie  +, writes (29 October 2007):
hi again! kk well the gud thing is that you have talked. but i think you just need to let go now. i think for a relationship to work both people need to be happy. if one persons happy and the other isnt it aint gunna work. so shes not happy and youve done all you can. im sorry but i think you should let her be now youve tried and tried. :( theres plenty more people out there. hope this helpslolellie
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): just to add more, she did mention to one of my friends 'he's a nice person, but i don't like the way he treated me. i'd give him benefit of doubt if i go out with him in future.' this was in the second week after break up, when she was trying or acting normal. she seemed confident that she'll find someone then, i don't know what's going on now.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Thanks all for the reply.
elliebellie - she keeps bringing up each and everything that i've done wrong in the past. when i ask her why sudden, she tells me it's not sudden. it was on her mind and her friend made her realize that she was not happy. i asked her why not talk to me before ending it like this, she tells me we were not talking. i told her yes coomunication was problem, but doesn't mean that she needs to end it this way. i've spoken with her about all the mistakes and how i'd address them so many times before i left country. infact this is what i was talking to her when she called me in the airport. i asked her what i can do right now and she tells me there's nothing i can do now. i wrote her letter with all the happy times and all the mistakes and owned upto them. she keeps telling me you'd 4 yrs, u did not change, what's the gaurantee that you are going to change now. i really have changed. but she doesn't trust me. so i told her i need a chance to show it with my actions. so far nothing.
i don't even know what the exact reason is. sometimes she talks as if i never planned on marrying her. initially she said all her friends are having children. i told her even though i did not mention, she used to joke about children next year. so i told her we're going to have children next year. she's like i was just making a conversation and you're so inactive. when i tell her about wedding in nov, she keeps saying don't even talk about marriage now. other times she keeps telling me i did not appreciate her much and was critical. i've told her before that i do appreciate what she does, but i am not going to express it everyday. i did appreciate to all others. this all before i left.
Sassister, it worked in your case as you'd not broken up with your bf yet, and i am quite sure it'd work in my case has she not broken up. i wish her friend had not show up, that would have given me the time i needed to spend with her and make her confident. we're supposed to go out the next weekend, she went alone with other friends of ours. she told one of our friends that she was unhappy. it's hard after 4 yrs, but this is what she needs to do.
she did tell me before that she doesn't know how i feel about her. now she tells me she has never me like this. i never got along with her brother and we'd tiff sometime back. she thinks that i'll never make up with her brother. she keeps telling i asked you to come with me home and u did not. i told her i need sometime. infact i told her i'll go talk to her parents if they are freaking out about the whole thing. i told her so many times wish i could sit and talk with your dad. but her parents don't speak english. her mom used to call her and but her about us. everytime she hung up, i asked her what's going on, and she'd say it's nothing. she kept me shielding from all the tension, dealing with it all alone and i think it eventually got to her (together with fact that things were not that great b/w us). but even after me telling her that i'd anything to save our relations hip i am not sure why she's not giving me another chance? she's 30+ as well and was telling a friend sh's at the age where she should have kids. she tells me, if she gives me a chance and things don't change it'll be too late for her to go out and look for new person. atleast she's 30 now and she can try. when we are so close to all that i am not sure why she's not trusting me. we'd aborted a child in the first year of our relationship as i thought we're not ready for children yet. this was with her consent. now she says i left her damaged good. i keep telling her i am not leaving, i want to be with her.
i keep wondering when i am feeling so sh*tty how can she not feel anything. how can she forget these last 4 yrs. she really did so much for me, cooked for me, took care of me when i was sick or drunk, wiped my puke (not that i am drunkard), washed my clothes, put blanket on me when i was sleeping etc. no person can do all those things without loving that person. she keeps telling me now that her life revolved around me. i told her that was wrong and now i don't want it that way. i told her i am unhaapy if she is and i want both of us to be happy.
i was somewhat confident untill last week (before she ignored my i miss u mail) that there might be a chance. now i think she's trying everything to move on, like meeting with old friends, changing pics on her facebook page etc.
if only i knew what's on her mind. everyday i keep praying, please don't punish me this bad, just make her come back once.
please let me know guys, whether i am holding onto false hopes or is there really a chance for me to make her come back.
i've decided not to write her atleast for a while. i do intend to ask her out once i go back, just like a date. hopefully she'll come out. all this time i thought she would, but now after 3 weeks of me leaving i am not so sure.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): hey buddy,
I tottally understand how you feel. Its one of the worce feelings in the world and i cant imagine how much worse it is that you are in another country.
anyway, whatever you do, i dont think you should really listen to the advice of sassister(no offence sassister). It might not sound to good for you, but that joseph guy sounds like he knows what he is talking about a lot more.
it might seem like a womans advice would be better for you, because you might think she could tell you what she would want her partner to do. this is b**L*cks, because the mind does not work as easy as that.
please take this advice, even if it sounds harsh and hard for you to do.
first of all, the only real reason someone no longer wants to be with someone is if there is no attraction anymore.fact.
if your girl says she doesnt want to be with you the worse thing you can do is show youre really upset and keep phoning or beg or say sorry and its all youre fault. this will make you seem less attractive and she will not respect you and most importantly, in her eyes, your value as a partner lowers.
if you are a nice person its probably hard for you to not act in these ways but try your best not to from now on. why do you think that it allways seems to be the "nasty" guys that have their girlfriends running after them? its because if you seem like you arent so interested in your partner it will make them want you more. the more you seem like "you cant live without your partner" they eventually start to think that they can do better and that they are superior to you, when in actuall fact i personally believe its the other way around.
what you need to do my friend is not call for at least a MONTH! You may think, impossible! and youll probably come up with a hundred reasons why you have to phone her, but seriousley dont!
she will probably start wondering why your not calling, if she calls you, sound really happy and dont mention your relationship, pretend to be really busy and get off the phone. but be polite and nice.
if, when you come back you see her, approach her and again be polite,be happy, dont mention the relationship.
she will probably end up calling you, she will be confused, she may even be upset that you seem to be getting along so well without her. if she doesnt call you within a week of seeing her and you still feel like you really love her and want her back, then call her and ask if she wants to meet up for sum food or a coffee. dont sound like you realy want her back just again seem happy and say summin like it would be nice to catch up.
after youve given it all this time, only talk about gettin back together if she mentions it. which she may or may not. at the moment she has all the control, she knows that you want her so bad, theres very little chance of her changing her mind and wanting to get back if you ask and seem needy. needyness is extremley unattractive. dont worry about leaving it this time, shes not going to forget you after four years of being with you. but its a fact when people think back on relationships they tend to only remember the good things, give her this time, but very importantly dont let her know why youre not calling. if you tell her im not gonna call for a month, she will again know youre there waiting for her.
the last thing you want is for her to know she can have you whenever she wants. people really do want what they cant have!
this is all about raising youre attraction to her because as harsh as it sounds for her to break up with you its gonna be extremley low because women stay in unhappy relationships for ages and only break up when they really feel it has to be over. this is why its gonna be hard to get her back. sorry, but its true. but if you seem needy its gonna be harder. the only thing that will really work is if you make out your really happy in your own life and that its her that should want you not the other way round.
you could try bribing her or " trying to change for her" or being really soppy or even try the old " i dont know wot ill do to myself if you leave me". if any of these worked it would be either a matter of time before she boots you out again or you would be incredibly unhappy because she would allways have the control in the relationship.
you need her to want you because she wants you not because you want her.
telling someone how much you love them is very flattering for that person but ultimatley id doesnt mean nothing.
the only thing that matters to her is how much she loves you not how much you love them.
e.g. would you marry someone you find repulsive because she loves you so much and would do anything for you, even if she looked like a guerilla? unless shes a millionaire then the answer is no!
So dont go being NEEDY and saying things like no one will love you like me cos it just doesnt matter to her.
obviousley i dont know all the circumstances so what i tell you to do is just a kind of guideline. it might not work, but it will work better than wot youre doing now. just remember dont be NEEDY. Be a man, dont take any crap! try and forget the pain and the acheing of wanting to be with her, try you berst to push that aside and think this girl is crazy not to want to be with me!
If it doesnt work out, just remember your obviousley a nice person to express on here how much you love this person. If she cant see that then she isnt worth being with! its an old saying but its true.
also, the month you dont ring her try and think of some of her bad points, you might find shes not so wonderfull after all. hang in there and try not to feel like shes so amazing because if worse came to worse and you did break for good you will eventually not give a damn. it might seem unreal but there will be a time when youl look back and think what the hell was i so upset about, even if she seems like the best person on the planet now.
sometimes,its when someone truly moves on and forgets about their ex is when their ex regrets breaking up with them. thats usually because that person is happy and truly are themselves without their partners influence. thats when they see what theyve lost. thats why you gotta do wot ive told you. you cant see thing objectivley as your only looking at the here and now.
hope my advice helps. hang in there bro, just take a step back and be safe in the knowledge that whatever happens, in say 2 years you wont care either way. honestly!
take care.
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reader, Sassister +, writes (28 October 2007):
I feel for you because I truly believe that you love this woman. The problem is you treat her the way you would want to be treated in this situation. You are a man. She is a woman. She needs to talk. Communicating is the most important aspect of any relationship for a woman.She needs to hear how you feel. She needs to know your motivations. She needs to be told that you love her and why you love her and why you have been such a jerk. Now I'm not saying you were a jerk. I am saying that you need to step up and take responsibility for the situation, even if the problem was caused by both of you. This is what you need to do if you are really serious about winning her back. You might say that you already told her everything was your fault, but it sounds like you are unwilling to talk about what happened and why. You want to simply say "my fault" and expect her to accept that, forgive and forget, and move on. Women don't work like that.It sounds liks she has gone a very long time without hearing any of these things and women who love a man will allow things to go on for a long time, but when they reach their breaking point, it is very, very difficult for them to go back. Women, in general, don't take time off from a relationship to think things through. If women leave, it is because they have come to accept that nothing is going to change and they can't do anything more. When they leave, its for good.My current BF and I were very close to breaking up and I was feeling very much the same about him as your gf is seemingly feeling about you. This is what he did.He told me to ask him and question and he would answer it honestly and completely no matter how silly or redundant the question. Also, we would talk about anything I wanted to talk about and he would not say anything that might insinuate that he wanted me to come back to the relationship. He promised to do this for one month. And he kept his word. I have never received such a wonderful gift from anyone!Not only did it bring us closer together, but we found out we have many more common interests than we thought and we found a new respect for each other. And it didn't stop after a month. We talk about everything now.However you decide to proceed, I wish you well.
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reader, Joseph W. South  +, writes (28 October 2007):
 This is incredibly simple. You are acting desperate, needy, and putting this disrespectful woman on a pedestal. This is a HUGE TURNOFF for women. I mean it's really that simple.
If the woman is no longer sexually attracted to you – and it's obvious from your note that she's NOT – please understand that she doesn't give a damn about your motivations or about discussing your "feelings"; in fact, this is only going to push her away further. I hate to be so harsh, but this woman is just not feeling it for you anymore.
The Joseph W. South Show
http://joseph.libsyn.com
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): It looks like some issue in your past hasn't been resolved. This needs to addressed. You can not change the past, she as to forgive you to move on.
Getting married won't make it disapear or maybe thats what shes looking for... I'll forgive you if you marry me?
Just a thought.
Forget the complaint about you not being expressive of feelings, what she means is I want to know your every thought so I can tell if I will be safe with you.
Just tell her youre happy if shes happy and sad if shes sad.
You need to put some sort of time limit on this relationship, say a year, if this behaviour goes on for longer than that it will screw your head up.
She hasn't really told you what her problem is.
She will wait for you to make your move then act off of that.
Good Luck
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female
reader, elliebellie +, writes (28 October 2007):
phhhewwwww this is a really hard one. first of all i think you two need to meet for a long chat if u cant meet then write her a letter/email. firstly ask her why the sudden loss of love and break up. why does she feel she has to suddenly break up with you? ask her if its something you have done. do not apologize until you find out the real reason as to why she suddenly broke up. maybe she is having other problems in her life. explain how much she means to you and you hope the future will change. hope this helps
ellie
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