A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have had quite a few relationships but never found the one. I am an attractive, intelligent and successful, with men constantly wanting to be in a serious relationship with me. Finally I have met a guy and have fallen in love with him and he with me. But I am acting like a complete insecure idiot almost to the point of an obsession. Driving myself crazy too. If we are a part one night I am thinking he is cheating. My life is a bit off balance now with being in real estate and the economy and 2 deaths - father, best friend. I need to stop being so crazy because it upsets him and pushes him away. He is very easy going and laid back but he can't stand this emotional stuff nor can I. I know I need to be more casual. He is a bit upset with me now so we are taking a break for one week teaching me a lesson. He will call next week and we are going to start things slow going more from a friendship which will then go back into a relationship I am sure. But I need help to stop being so insecure and crazy. Even now I am obsessing that he is cheating but I know that he is not. Why am I so off balance. What can I do. HELP. Do you think my hormones are off? Also is what woman consider a guy to the extreme side of being a guy like a caveman (he evens calls himself that).
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female
reader, salvadda  +, writes (20 March 2009):
 After reading you, I will give you my opinion, and suggestions that I feel might help you understand what is making you manifest all this misery in your life. I am not qualified to at this point to tell you what is wrong with you. It takes more than one letter, or situation for anyone to know what is at the heart of the situation. I will try to explain things with the aut most respect. You did not state in your letter if you have been cheated on in the past, or if you have experienced the loss of a loved one, which might have something to do what has manifested.
First of all you are NOT an idiot. To seek help to resolve, repair, or heal ones self is acknowleging, recognizing, and accepting responsibity for something you need to confront in your life. One of the smartest/bravest thing for one to do. I know this is a big concern for yourself, and also much respect towards your b/f. It is also a very frightening thing on your part to be able to confront such things. I only wanted you to know this so you can see that seeking/asking for help as you did is a very mature, brave and also can be very intimadting. I would like to say please don't become discouraged, ashamed, or intimadated at what might come along with it also.
I would suggest that you speak to a doc and tell him/her what's going on. She/he can suggest a counsellor for you to speak with. Which is where your healing will come.
Right not it is all about you. Your b/f will have to understand this. I could hear in your letter how hard/stressful it is on him also. I'm sure if he loves you he will support you. After you have found out what causes it your b/f can also help. I'm sure you see his side of things. It is something for him that is hard to understand also. I'm sure after you have talked with him and after he knows you are seeking help for this, he will be by your side. You could also make him understand that he is not his fault that way he will not feel as if he is being attacked, because I'm sure he is feeling this way.
I wish you the best of luck...tc
A
female
reader, SadieB  +, writes (19 March 2009):
I can't top the great answers given by the other agony aunts on this one - but I just wanted to add that insecurity really does kill a realtionship and you need to think of doing things which do not involve him a couple of nights a week - it's really important to delop your own confidence and learn to like yourself - really learn to believe that you are a lovely person who deserves to be loved and treated well. Doing things on your own to build your esteem will help you to achieve this. Join a gym, join an evening class, take up part time study, learn that your life does not evolve around just him. Make sure you stay in contact during your week away and even if you feel yourself wanting to give him a hard time on the phone, force yourself to say goodbye on a happy upbeat note - this is harder than it sounds but it's really important if you want the relationship to work out - I know it's hard but try your very best to stay positive and focus on the good things - what is the alternative? You have met a lovely guy and you - by the sounds of it - are falling in love (yes, insecurity is all part of love unfortunately!). xx
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A
male
reader, sometimes ( Iwish) +, writes (19 March 2009):
 Your answers to this is in your question!
"I have had quite a few relationships but never found the one. I am an attractive, intelligent and successful, with men constantly wanting to be in a serious relationship with me. Finally I have met a guy and have fallen in love with him and he with me."
What this says to me is that you have been trying very hard in life to be happy. You may have presented yourself as a mountain to climb, not as a person to be loved.
I am only saying this to open the door for you to understand that althought you are attractive, intelligent, and successful, your thoughts determine the things in life that your most thinking of. When you used the term
"FINALLY" here you have created a bad thought (for example cheating) So, now you will find you get bad emotions bringing bad feelings into play.
When you discover good thoughts you are powerfully attracting more good things to you.
You will find love for who you are, regardless of everthing else if that is what your thoughts are.
Insecurity is your mind's way of learning to trust someone into your heart. Only think of great thoughts and you will attract great feelings. Easier said than done? Think of simply holding hands softly with this person, or smiling because of the first kiss you shared. These should be great thoughts from which love develops.
The rush of blood to your heart will allow sparks to illuminate your mind.. Trust your heart, and trust your intuition. You will find what you truely want.
Best regards,
PS- I hope this didn't relay as jibirish...
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 March 2009):
 *FEAR* One of the biggest killers in relationships, especially with the relationship you have with yourself. You've experienced loss. That doesn't mean you're going to loose your boyfriend. Quite often when we loose someone we love, we start pushing others we love away because we fear loosing them too.
Those you've lost, you have treasured memories of. You get those by loving to love. It's the same with your boyfriend. Treasure each memory, without fear of loss. Keep in mind, those you do loose, who you had a valued relationship with, the memories are also valued.
Instead of splitting for a week. Sit down and talk. Tell him about your fears, and why you may be reacting this way, and have him tell you how these abrupt behaviors make him feel. This gives you both a base to begin rebuilding your relationship.
Take care.
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