A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hie I broke up with my ex girlfriend 7 months ago but I can get over her because I still love her but she moved on with another guy and when ever the guy see me either talking to my ex or standing with her he tell my friends that am a threat. I don't know what to do but I still love her a lot. Please help me get her back
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2019): Sorry you are going through this, its heart breaking. When its played out in real time, Its unfortunate that men play this messed up game when they don't want a girl that wants them and then when they see her with another man, that's when they want her. Please don't try to make her jealous displaying yourself with another girl, it's messed up. You'll just make her feel like she was not good enough. I don't know why men don't know women have feelings.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2019): You are not getting her back. Move on. If you are having trouble moving on, get professional help with a therapist (nothing wrong with getting help from a therapist, when you need it).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2019): My friend, a few years ago, I came to DC and wrote a few articles about being blindsided and dumped. I had to vent my feelings. I also had to come to terms with the fact that my ex moved on, and found someone else soon thereafter.
Trust me, I feel you. I know your pain. You have to let her go. She has found someone else, and you are a threat to their relationship. That is; by being a nuisance, creating drama, and trying to be a wedge.
You're losing control, get a grip! Don't run-up on her when you see her on the street. Don't provoke her new boyfriend into an altercation; or give him reason to protect her, or their relationship. She's not your girlfriend anymore. He wouldn't be telling anybody anything about you; if you were leaving them alone. You have to discontinue all contact, 100%! You're torturing yourself, and prolonging the agony by trying to talk to her.
She has ended your relationship; and has chosen someone else. You have to resist your stubborn sense of entitlement. Better yet, suppress any insistence on getting someone back who has not only left you; but left you to be with another guy.
Man-up, my poor friend! Pull it together! You're not some spoiled little-boy stomping his foot, and demanding his ball back. You're a grown-man who has to accept the reality that someone you think you love, doesn't want to be with you anymore.
You ARE being a threat; if you're persistently stalking her around, attempting to make contact, and rushing-up to her whenever and wherever you happen to see her. It's being a little crazy. The police won't care about your hurt feelings; they'll protect her, and might drag you off!
I wrote a few articles to share my feelings, and to chronicle my own experience. Thas was while I was in the painful process of dealing with the rejection, the feelings of loss, and grief. My ego was crushed!
You're now in the phase of shock and withdrawal. It's the hardest part. That's why I wrote these:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/when-will-i-finally-get-over-the-breakup.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-got-dumped-and-i-know-how-.html
Read them when you've got a little time. Meanwhile, I urge you to leave her alone. No matter how much you think you might love her; she doesn't love you enough to stay with you. If you have to beg and plead, you're just making it harder on yourself. Your persistence will eventually be considered harassment. You now have to deal with this matter like an adult, in spite of your feelings.
Most reconciliations are unsuccessful. It takes time to change, and to resolve the differences that lead to the breakup. Provided both parties are willing and committed to going whole nine-yards! Few make it!
The discomfort of detachment, loneliness, and grief are like withdrawal from a narcotic drug. It makes you a little crazy, and you ignore all reason and commonsense. You're very young, so dealing with being denied something you think you really want is more of a reaction to the rejection; than actually having love taken away from you. Another guy has come along, and bashed your male-ego!
If she could leave you, her feelings for you aren't as strong as they once were. In fact, she may not love you at all...either because she never really did, or it was conditional. If it was conditional, you fell short; and somebody else was able to compensate for it.
It's going to be hard. It's going to hurt like hell! You'll survive. If you want to read my articles, I hope they might be of some help.
Keep writing as often as you like. We're here to comfort and advise you. It's a difficult process letting-go; and you've got to push yourself to be yourself again.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (11 October 2019):
 I have to assume you broke up with her for a reason. Has anything changed? Is that reason no longer valid? Do you REALLY want her back or is it just that you don't want anyone else to have her? Or did you have your eye on a different girlfriend but that didn't work out so you want the old one back?
If you really loved her, you would not have broken up with her. The way to get over this is to work out WHY you want her back. I suspect it is NOT, as you state, that you love her but for one of the other reasons I have suggested. Once you work out the reasoning behind your wishes to get back with her, you can start to come to terms with it and move on.
If her current relationship does not work out, then, by all means, you should approach her and ask for a second chance but don't assume she will necessarily want to "go there" again. After all, you finished with her last time so why would she want to replay that? Going back to an ex is like reading a book again and hoping for a different ending.
Wish her well and move on. Have some dignity. Find someone you DON'T want to finish with.
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A
female
reader, CarrieSoa +, writes (11 October 2019):
 You don't get her back. You chose to break up with her and now she has moved on to someone else. Even if you did manage to get her back, I doubt she'd trust you.
Leave her be to be happy with someone else and learn from this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2019): You can't. If she's moved on it's too late. Also you broke up with her. Maybe you just want her now because you can't have her.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (11 October 2019):
 You don’t ‘get her back’, you have missed your chance, she is with someone else now.
YOU broke up with her so you made the decision that you weren’t a good match for each other. You need to be respectful of her relationship and leave her to it, would you like it if you were in a relationship and an ex was lingering around trying to steal your GF? I doubt it, so don’t do it to someone else.
Leave her alone and move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2019): Look up the no contact rule, it's called 30 days no contact, it shows why it not only benefits you but her in many ways and not necessarily a lead onto reconciliation, worth looking up
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