A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear aunts,I've been attracted to crossdress since i was a child. I met a wonderful woman about 5 years ago. From the beginning i was clear about how i liked to dress from time to time and she fully accepted me. I'm not attracted to males at all. I just love to wear female clothes. However... We got married a couple of years ago and got pregnant. She agreed I could get dressed as long as she wouldn't see me or never be seen out in public as a crossdresser. That's hard to do since i didn't have a room to be my alter ego and there was nowhere to store my clothes without she noticing. I have no interest in be seen by her or anyone else. While pregnancy sex became monotonous and i wanted to experiment prostate stimulation. I told her briefly what i wanted to try but I had no reaction whatsoever. So i ordered a couple of toys online and tried them. I really like them. Now my problem is that i had to rent a studio close home where i can be my other self for a couple of hours and try my toys and I feel awful for that. I feel like I'm cheating on her but I'm actually not. I don't know what to do or say.Any thoughts please? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2019): There is very little point in arguing with other posters advice. I did not need a crystal ball. I clearly stated "Her strong restrictions indicate".
In a marriage where all things are shared then it is appropriate to share money. This is not that kind of marriage. This is no kind of marriage. This is you will keep a secret from me. What's one or 6 or 20 more?
A
male
reader, SeattleWill  +, writes (15 October 2019):
Seek out professional mental health. You are cheating your wife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2019): Wow I have to wonder what crystal ball the last poster looked into to know what the OP'S wife is thinking unless it is his wife!
You shouldn't be witholding the fact you are renting the studio based on her maybe concluding you may be going there to cheat and I agree also that you should be sharing what money goes on, marriage is a partnership.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2019): You are wrong. Her strong restrictions indicate that she does not in fact accept your behavior, and by extension you. When you accept that from the beginning she has only conditionally accepted you the rest of your thinking will clear up.
She married you to get pregnant. With you she has the convenience of your hobby as excuse to dispose of you once she has all she wants. You are living on borrowed time. You can toe the line in hopes of hanging on a bit longer, or you can do what you want because it was over before it started.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2019): You rent a studio? Does she know this? Is this an expense you've both agreed to? If so, have at it my friend. If not, you're doing something very wrong.
This is simply a case of boundaries. She's stated hers. She's fine with you cross dressing but she doesn't want it public and she doesn't want to see it. It's up to you to decide if that's something you can live with or not.
Also just as a point to the poster below. It's incredibly regressive to think that a certain type of sex toy will make you gay. Join us here in 2019 will you?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (13 October 2019):
 I'd like to clarify that lots of heterosexual men like anal stimulation, OP, so please take any advice to the contrary with a pinch of salt. Cross-dressing and sexual orientation are also not the same thing; whilst most cross-dressers are gay, there are still some (a quieter minority due to stigma) who are not.
Whether you told your wife about your cross-dressing before marriage or not (I hope you did), it's clear that she's not really on-board with it any more and it's not going to be easy for you to continue your hobby without being seen by her or anyone else.
I would suggest joining forums online for cross-dressers, but make sure to stay safe. Talk through with them what they do. It's possible that you and your wife are just not compatible any more and a bisexual or pansexual woman would be a better match because she may appreciate your cross-dressing side. Some women also enjoy sharing anal stimulation with their partners - it's not as rare as people think; it's the stigma that keeps people quiet.
I would really suggest you stop renting the studio, though. Generally, spouses share finances, so you are taking away some money from the family.
What has happened with the pregnancy? Is she still pregnant? Has she had the baby?
Seek counselling from an LGBT+-friendly counsellor, not because you may be gay or transgender, just because they will usually be more understanding of unusual hobbies than your average therapist. Discuss your feelings and let them help you figure out what to do next.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2019): Your wife has agreed to let you pursue your crossdressing hobby; as long as you keep all evidence of it out of sight. That means not in your home, or out in public.
In any case, she's being extremely tolerant; and going way beyond the call. Most wives would divorce you immediately upon discovery! Most women would never have married you to begin with. I'm a little skeptical you told her before you were married. We have to take your word for that.
You claim you're not interested in men; yet you like to dress-up like a woman, and now you use toys for anal-stimulation. I'm gay, and from all accounts; that's heading in that direction.
You are cheating, if you're using toys to replace or substitute for having sex with your wife. Simulating anal-sex is a very unusual option for a heterosexual-male.
I know there will be debate or disagreement with my answer; but I'm entitled to my own opinion nonetheless.
I suspect that you fear she would object to it. If she objects to it, and if you do it anyway. It's cheating! If you masturbate more than pleasing your spouse. That's cheating. If it becomes a preference to having regular intercourse with your wife. That's cheating. If she catches you, or suspects you're hiding something, and gets upset...then in her opinion, it might be considered cheating.
Most wives/girlfriends/gay-boyfriends/gay-husbands...don't care for their partners finding other ways to sexually-gratify themselves; because it can have a negative-effect on their self-esteem or lovelife. It often interrupts, or replaces, natural-intimacy with your mate. Who can compete with a sex-machine (aka sex-toy)? Who can compete with porn, if someone becomes addicted to it? Some things are better left alone; rather than risking the loss of trust and the love of your mate.
We live in a modern-society tolerant of just about anything. Not everyone has a head or stomach for these things; and I have no right to judge anyone. I simply give opinions that can sometimes be considered judgemental. That's what DC does. You need good-judgement and experience to give advice. I won't bite my tongue when wrong is wrong. I will advocate and applaud what's good and right! There is always a boundary or limit somewhere. If you can't see it, who's going to point it out to you?
Be transparent. Here's my caveat. You're using a sex-toy primarily used by gay-men. Guys who experiment with gay-like sex are likely to become gay-curious! The curiosity will rise to the degree that you'll want to know what a real penis feels like. You're really pushing it, bro! Pardon the pun!
My advice. Don't mess with things that might ruin your marriage. The cross-dressing goes far enough. If you have a place to dress-up and your wife is cool with that; then I guess all is fine, as long as she's happy. The thing is, I know a thing or two about human-nature. The toy isn't going to be enough. You admitted to being bored with sex with your wife. You're stimulating your prostate; and you have to put things up your anus to do that. The trouble with fetishes is that you try one thing; and you'll be likely to try another...and another....and another. I'm far from naive! If you're testing your wife's trust, how far is too far???
Quit while you're ahead! Review other opinions; but I think married-people should set some boundaries, and honor their vows. Old-fashioned? Maybe! Divorce is rampant, mainly because people don't cherish trust or stick to their vows; or let their selfishness get the better of them. Of course, there are many kinds of marital problems; but there are certain problems that top the list. Cheating and selfishness are way at the top!
Look how far she has gone to make you happy. Where does it stop?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2019): She made it clear she accepts what you do but doesn't want to see you dressed up etc and you have been honest with her so I dont see the problem?
If the only thing you are bothered about it she doesn't know you rent out a studio tell her in case she does read something else into it, does she not go out so you can just experiment at home?
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