A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been talking/seeing this guy for the past year and a half and he's perfect, but I just don't feel what he feels. I've been in love once before and i haven't fully gotten over it. He's told me he loves me, but I don't feel that feeling I had before in my previous relationship. I need to break it off with him, but i don't know how. I don't want to hurt him because he is an awesome guy, but I can't do it anymore. Help!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Wontonbomb  +, writes (12 December 2009):
 Break his heart face to face and give him a proper reason. I say break his heart because its the only way he's going to begin and move through the healing process. If he doesn't have all the information he will be analyzing it until he is blue in the face, and blaming himself.
My ex recently broke up with me by phone and used the line, 'I need space.' and 'it's not you its the situation'. It's still difficult to deal with because i cant find any reasoning to it. Don't put someone through that, they will have enough pain anyway.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009): Can you please give some more info?
When did you and the ex break up?
How long were you together?
Have you and the ex been talking?
Have you always felt this way?
Did you tell the current guy you loved him?
If you can answer these I think everyone can help you more. Let us know.
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A
male
reader, redsox29 +, writes (11 December 2009):
Evaluate your feelings why you still love your ex. You need to understand what it is you still love about him or if it's just because that was familiar to you and something new is scary. If this guy is as great as you say, he deserves a woman that is a whole person, not a emotional wreck that doesn't know who she is. And why are you stringing this guy along for so long? That's cruel.
You need to take time to be alone and learn who YOU are. Don't go out drinking and partying, take time to be alone and figure out really what is going on. Maybe you are just scared to find someone who is better and start your life with?
The best thing I can tell you is to be alone now and don't try and stuff your feelings by seeing someone else or partying. Don't be afraid of the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): I agree with the other guy, he will get hurt but if you don't feel it, staying around will just make it worse. You should have taken the time to make sure you were over the last guy before you brought in a new one. But hindsight is 20/20. Be honest and tell him that you can't give him your heart now because someone else still has it. I just went through this exact thing and it is so painful.I gave this girl my heart and I got it slammed back in my face. Her ex didn't treat her as well as she deserved but he still has a hold on her. If I knew that she was still in love with him, I would have never bothered. Let him go, he deserves better than you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): Regardless of how you do it, breaking up is going to hurt him. That, my dear, is an unavoidable fact. What you must do is make sure you explain exactly why you no longer wish to be with him in person. Be firm but gentle. Do not play the coward and do it by phone or text. That comes across as callous and feeling.
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