A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would really like to know how other people percieve sex.I was having a "discussion" about attitudes to sex with a male friend of mine, and well, lets say it got quite heated - he totally disagreed with what I think, and basically told me that I was a bit of a freak. He doesnt have a problem with one night stands, causual sex, or sexual acts with people you dont know. In fact he activily looks for women to sleep with and dump. There is no emotion involved, as long as he gets pleasure and its good, he doesnt care who its with. I could never have sex with someone I was not in a relationship with. The idea of a strange man pawing at me makes my skin crawl, and sex for me, is as much about the emotional connection as it is the physical. I wouldnt even makeout with someone I wasnt in a relationship with - to me, that is something you dont do with friends, or unknowns. Apparently, I am too romantic, and I am missing out on lots of sex because I am too "uptight" about it. Are all people having sex like rabbits? Without any care for the people they are sleeping with? Am I really the only one who thinks sex is an important and special thing between two people who really care about each other?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your replies!
I think I just wanted to see how other people took this question. I did not like being made to feel like a frigid freak because I dont, and would never drop my pants for every man I meet. It's made me feel far more confident about my own outlook on this.
Lazyguy your last statement "Some people fuck like rabbits, others don't. Make your own choices. If I said 99% of people jumped of bridges, would you jump as well?"
I never said that I dont make my own choices, and even if 99.9% of the rest of the population was doing it like rabbits, I still wouldnt join them, so please dont accuse me of being a lemming. I just wanted to get a different collection of opinions to find out IF, as my friend thinks, all other people think sex is just a physical release.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009): Where sex is concerned this is the main difference between men and women. A man's brain is programmed to spread his genes far and wide, whereas a woman's brain is programmed for her to be selective so that she gets the best genes to pass on to her offspring. She carefully looks for a mate that will stick by her and help bring up her children and provide for them both. It's how nature works. In simple terms, this is why men can bonk just about anything with a pulse without a second thought, whereas women are far more selective about who they sleep with.
Is 'everyone' at it like rabbits? No, I doubt that. Like DoubleM I'm in my 60's and at my age sex isn't the most important thing in my relationship but it does come somewhere near the top of the list. I could do without it if I had to, but companionship and a shared sense of humour and love for each other are far more important.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (12 December 2009):
 Some people are, some people aren't.
You might as well ask, does everyone drink coffee?
Here is a hint: do NOT ask this question from the people standing by the coffee machine.
Does everyone drive a car? Not going to get an unbiased answer at the train station.
Some people fuck like rabbits, others don't. Make your own choices. If I said 99% of people jumped of bridges, would you jump as well?
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (12 December 2009):
 Well I'm a member of an older generation, but assure you that plenty of romping was going on in the 1960s, 70s and since. Perhaps a lot more so these days, but as a man in my 60s, I generally only hear about it. lol
My contribution to your posting is simply that I have participated in sexual relations both casual and of course, in lasting relationships including marriage. Now single again, I remain somewhat open to either, but in my life, the preference by far is in a caring and meaningful relationship. Even in my age group, some women want two or three evenings of good sex and they move on. I'd rather keep it going, but as a man living on a short fuse, I'll give them what they want. They sometimes peel away when I try to extend it to a relationship. Oh well . . .
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female
reader, LilPixie +, writes (12 December 2009):
 You're not a freak, there is plenty of people who would never sleep with someone just for the sake of it.
I would never be able to sleep with someone if I'm not in a relationship with them either!
This is exactly why there are so many diseases out there today that can be spread so easily, because too many treat sex as a casual thing! But there are so many responsibilities that come with having sex, that people either aren't very well educated on, or simply don't care about.
Everyone has their own opinion about this, so don't let your 'friend' tell you any different!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): Look. It IS the 21st century and people have developed, especially us males, to seperate sex from emotion.
Thats why a lot of people who go out and bring home a different partner each week can easily make the distinction between sex and love-making.
There is a massive gap. Sex is just a fun way to relieve a biological urge with a like-minded partner, without the added downfall of any emotional baggage.
However, there comes a time in any persons, male or female, life where they will tire of casual sex. It is dificult to conceive in this day and age. But a casual partner can share a laugh here and there, but when shit gets real they won;t be there.
A casual sex partner, or a fuck-buddy, cannot cook you dinner. Or embrace you when you feel like a sack of hammered cat-shit. They cannot know those magic things that cheer you up no matter the circumstance.
Its why people still get married. Because at some point they will find someone that stirs deep emotional connections deep within them, and not just a slow-dance chubby.
And after feeling what making-love is like, its hard to go back to just empty sexual encounters.
Casual sex is also how most men learn how to physically please a woman in those ways that younger women like older men for. I mean we don't just magically obtain this knowledge when we have birthday parties. Nope you get it the same way you get to Carnegie Hall.
Practice.
Thats all casual sex is to anyone with half a brain. Practice for when we find the real thing.
Of course there are those who have never known a real emotional connection. And for them casual sex is the pinnacle of the adult arts. For these people I hold both admiration and pity.
Admiration that they can enjoy life's joys and still seem immune to its downsides in that way. But pity that they don't know how much better it is when love enters the equation.
Flynn 24
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 December 2009):
 A male friend once told me that for him, having sex with a female was no differnt to shaking hands, but that it releived a need. I was horrified but went away and thought about it for a while, this is my theory ....
For men,sex can be external, their genetalia are on the outside of the body where as for women we have to actually open up our bodies to accept the act, for many of us it is more internal, and therefore personal.
yes, there are people who are at it like rabbits, and some of them dont even need to be blind drunk or high as kites to do it. But I have to wonder what its doing to their heads .... we see the result of a lot of sex without thought on this site, I dont want to return to Victorian times when it was all hidden behind doors but surely a little discretion and some discrimination about who with and where we get it off souldnt go astray.
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A
male
reader, redsox29 +, writes (11 December 2009):
I am completely on your side, and I'm a guy! I can't have anonymous sex with a woman. I NEED more than that. That doesn't mean that I don't see a beautiful woman and think about what it would be like to have some crazy wild sex romp, i do, but I won't do that because I need more. There is nothing better than true passionate sex with someone that you care about. I have some friends, men and women, that don't really care and for them they just want the feeling of pleasure. For all those that just want pleasure, you are missing out on sharing something beautiful with someone you care about. They should just masturbate instead of spreading diseases and trying to nail anything and everything that moves.
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