A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A aunt was supposed to stop by to change my bed (long story). I wasn't at home, so when I got there I noticed she had cleaned my room. Though I appreciate the gesture (even tho i didn't ask her for it), she moved everything around. Including bank papers I had on a drawer. That included my bankbook, which I had to use before the bank gave me my debit card.I saw it laying on my desk. It has all my account movements since I got access to it (it was frozen, as I wasn't 19 yet. Where I live, it works like this: you have a savings account who provide you with interest, and you can withdraw money from there to use on your checking account, when you're over 19).Including a debit of $200 which I made to buy my boyfriend and his son's Christmas present (which is not that bad, as he also gives me expensive gifts), and another $200 to buy other Christmas presents to my family and friends, as well to spend in some other things. I haven't got any more money from my saving's account.When I got my checking account, my dad and I decided I should have $200 available to spend, but because I spent it, I got another $200 from my savings. I got the first $200 December 10th, withdrew it on December 20th, got the other $200 the same day, and now (February 28th) I have $10 there. However, my checking account withdraws $27 every month as management costs. So 200+190-(3*27)= $309So I spent $309 in 3 months, which is $3 a day. NOT that much, considering I go to college.Now, I know it's MY money and I am the one who's entitled to move it and, down the line, if I have problems with the way I spend it it's my own fault, but I am almost 100% sure she saw how much money I spent and will tell my father, who is already having a ridiculous behavior (because of some problems he's having) and will kill me almost literally.I don't know how I'll deal with my dad's rage. He'll tell me I'm not responsible and that it was stupid to give my boyfriend such an expensive gift, but: I barely go to parties, I don't really go out to eat, I'll use every discount I can get, only buy clothes on sale.. I don't think I manage money that bad. Yes, I went a bit overboard, but I think it wasn't that bad. But he WILL lose his mind, and honestly I am very scared.How can I talk to him about this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): Maybe she did not snoop at all? It is entirely possible that she placed your bankbook on your desk because that is where she feels it belongs instead of wherever she noticed it in your room?
A
female
reader, CANDY61  +, writes (1 March 2013):
Talk to your Dad about this situation and from now on clean your own room and keep your Aunt out of your room.
Your Aunt may not say anything because she may not want your Dad know she was snooping around in your room.
Important papers should be kept in a safe place anyway like a small fire proof safe or file cabin and not laying
all around the room, not that you're trying to hide anything from your Dad but good practice so people like friends entering your room doesn't see your personal stuff
with your account numbers.
Just my 2 cent!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 February 2013):
 So it's your money, why do you need to account to your father for how you spend it?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): Tisha:
I've deposited today $40, so there's no chance of being overdrawn. Thanks for the heads up though.
He didn't know that I was going to buy him something that expensive. I bought it because he needed it. Not because he asked me.
It IS my money. Money I've saved, money I earn (not much, just when I give some tutoring or something). My dad usually gives me $20 a month as pocket money, plus another $20 a month for my lunches at college. Also, he pays for my bus pass ($15).
I never asked him for extra cash. If I don't have money, I don't go out.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 February 2013):
You have $10 in your checking account, and they charge $27 a month in fees? You are about to be overdrawn. And you gave your boyfriend $200 in gifts? Wouldn't a sensible boyfriend know that you have limited funds and that you should not be extravagant on his account? You spent as much money on your boyfriend as you did on your family and friends combined for Christmas?
By the way, you ARE spending $27 a month in fees, that is a fixed cost and you do need to include that in your thought processes as you spending money. It's real money that is being paid to the bank and it's coming from somewhere, namely, your account.
Look, presumably it's your money? You earned it or your father gives it to you to spend as needed.
Are you asking him for extra cash? What else has been happening that is making him act so awful?
As for how to talk to him about it, I have to agree with Cerberus, talk to him as an adult. If he is going to be violent and you are in fear for your life then you have a different problem and should not be in the physical presence of your father. You may need to contact friends or other family to take you in if that is the case. Is there a counseling service at the university that could take you in?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): You talk to him like an adult OP. If you're old enough to blow 200 bucks on presents for your boyfriend then you're old enough to tell your father why and explain it to him.
OP you made an agreement with your dad on the amount of money you would spend and you spent all that in one go.
Just say sorry for not sticking to agreement you made, you know it was a bit excessive but you got carried away over christmas. It won't happen again, done, problem solved.
He'll be angry but don't let it worry you, he's your dad, nothing bad is going to happen, you're allowed make mistakes OP and breaking an agreement with your father is pretty big. trying to hide it from him makes it even worse.
Just acknowledge you were at fault for that and promise not to do it again.
it's not the price of what you bought that matters, it's the fact you made an agreement and broke it. Take responsibility for that.
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