A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:My g\f (now ex) was not jealous, possessive, aggressive and didn’t mind me seeing friends\family but was so controlling in other ways, especially domestically. I couldn’t wash up properly, clean properly, make the bed, i was clumsy, a grot etc. If she was in kitchen she would be on the laptop and i could see her watching me wash up. Sometimes she’d come over and tell me i was washing up ‘wrong’. She would take over making dinner because i wasn’t making the spag bol ‘her way’. At first i thought maybe i was clumsy,dirty etc but then I realised it was about everything I did. I am sure i did do somethings ‘wrong’ but eventually it was the CONSTANT CRITICISMS that made me a bag of nerves around her. When i challenged her she would say ‘ you make me like this’ and ‘ i have never lived with anyone as grotty as you’. She would also inspect how i washed the plates, pots etc. My self esteem, confidence was at and all time low . It was all my fault!! It’s funny but if the house was a mess she was ok. This would not phase her. However, she would only criticize meonce i was actually in the process of washing up, cleaning etc. Basically, i was doing it ‘wrong’ . Twice i snapped back at her and she said ‘ Im sick of your temper, i never know when you will blow up next’…..( she snapped far more times than me)Once she even barked at me because i left a pasta sauce bottle in the larder instead of the fridge-’how many times do i have to tell you?’ Also she said ‘ I dont like you drinking so much’ if I had just 3 cans of beer on a sat night watching a movie. The strangest comment ever was ‘ you just don’t think about the consequences do you’ after I went to bed and left the kitchen light on! What consequences ??If we were watching tv, another trait was that i wasn’t allowed an opinion on anyone or anything, if it was different to hers. She would say ‘ we just have different values don’t we, i wonder about you sometimes’ There was no room for debate- I was wrong and boy did i feel guilty about my views( not extreme bye the way). She hardly ever apologised. On one occasion she did apologise for a row she started by saying ‘I’m sorry but are you sorry too?’Occasionally I would get the 'slient treatment tooShe was caring, loving, affectionate really early on. She complimented me and i felt so good i thought i had met the ‘one’. The funny this is it was her who wanted out as in the end everything i did just irritated her!! When we split the other week she was crying so i assumed she was upset about us finishing. Wrong. As she sobbed she said ‘ I cant believe I am single again and will have to start all over again’. No mention of me or that our relationship that had just ended!!In company she was great. My family and friends loved her. I have searched many sites and can’t pinpoint what condition she has(if at all) as she has a some but not all traits of each disorder? Anyone experienced anything like this? Any help appreciated as i am so confused by these events.
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female
reader, cottongin  +, writes (23 December 2009):
 Hmm... She could have had multiple conditions, and didn't have all of the textbook symptoms. Sounds to me a bit like obsessive compulsive disorder, and perhaps some intermittent explosive disorder symptoms in there. Even possibly bipolar. I'm not diagnosing anything here, just throwing out some possible disorders that could explain her behaviour. It is sometimes very hard for people who have mental disorders to get a proper diagnosis and treatment when they do not have all the textbook symptoms.
A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (22 December 2009):
 Her condition was called selfish and manipulative. And you are far better away from that sort of life.
I have never experienced anything like this. I wonder if she really loved YOU, or was just happy to be in a relationship. Especially with a man whom she could completely control.
And now, oh dear, she's single and has to start all over again! Time to find another lamb for slaughter.
Forget about his woman and start living your life. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 December 2009):
Her condition was that she was a selfish spoiled little girl.
Your condition was that you were an idiot for hanging around so long.
If someone makes you unhappy then LEAVE!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, joejoe1 +, writes (22 December 2009):
Well i just went through something similar but I think i was the one critcizing my partner. it comes down to different values and caring about different things. you are not "wrong" for the things you did or didn't do, you just didn't realize you were doing them. I agree that she shouldn't have been that critical of you, but hey if you live with someone is it that hard to turn the light off or put pasta sauce back in the right place? i was similar to her b/c things meant alot to me..My thing was making the bed in the morning..I like to get up , make the bed, ect..it gives me a fresh start, the room looks clean, ect..she wouldn't do it, she would forget, ect..it was something i liked to do and it helped me start the day..if someone else found it that hard to make you happy with even a small jesture like that, what else is down the road?
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