A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want some advice really on writing letters. I have a very hard time explaining myself verbally so I have been thinking about writing a letter to my boyfriend to explain about things I have not been able to fully explain but that I want and need to tell him.For example, I feel very neglected by him. He is addicted to computer games and I have suffered with this for a long time. I feel he neglects me to play games with his friends and doesn't see anything wrong with this. He makes jokes about it down the microphone to his gaming mates, that he'd "better spend time with his girlfriend or she'll get pissed off with me and think I'm neglecting her". This makes me feel like utter shit and that my feelings are pathetic and worthless.I feel I have never been able to fully say my piece on this because he is a stronger personality than I am and he overbears me. When we argue he always talks right through the situation from his perspective without giving me space to speak and I end up feeling like I am unreasonable.Another example of this is the fact that we have mismatch sex drives. He only wants sex once a fortnight, i would like it every other day. that would be nice! But basically I feel really rejected by him sometimes and I have tried to put my feelings aside to respect his wishes and the fact he works hard and is tired but I am a person with feelings and desires too. When I have tried to talk about this, he always gets really angry and says we have been over this, i thought you had understood. But he doesn't understand that for me it is an ongoing problem. Something I deal with all the time. My sex drive doesn't go away. Sometimes all the hurt just bubbles up inside and I feel so sad it makes me cry. he doesn't understand this and he thinks I do it for attention or to manipulate him to have sexs with me.Ok this hasn't happened for some time but recently he makes jokes in public about how he doesn't like sex and I find this so humiliating and hurtful because it is basically suggesting that i am undesirable and he doesn't want to have sex even with me as a girlfriend so that;s insulting me right?So I have all these unresolved issues that are building up resentment within me and corroding my love for him. But I do love him very much. When he is focused on being my boyfriend he is wonderful and caring and does understand me without me having to say anything. I just feel I need to get these feeling in the open or I will feel worse and end up leaving him. I don't think it is fair to not say how I feel. But i don't know how to bring it up so I have thought of writing it all out in a letter to give to him. Do you think this is a good idea? Has anyone had experience of this and how did it go? Do you think he will accept that I mean well and want to communicate or will he think I'm mad?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo AgonyAuntie93, thanks for your reply. Do you think he is staying with me so he doesn't hurt my feelings? I noticed you ended with this comment but havn't actually thought this. Is that what you think he is doing? Do you think he is not bothered about being with me or is just lazy?I know I will have to ask him really.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAw thank you Cerberus Raphael. You are an angel.
Yes I thought it would be a good way to express myself, as there are a few things here that are on my mind and I the other option is to just blurt them out and lay into them, I'm not that kind of person, or to wait for the issue to arrise and then say something. But often when this happenes, for some reason I am not always able to say how I really feel. My emotions can get in the way I can't put them into words until I've had time to refect. Or he takes charge of the argument and I feel I can't say anthing.
So thanks. I think I will try to reword this so he sees my meaning behind it and that I mean the best with it. I don't think he would disreguard it, I just think it could be a shock and I am nervous as to how he'd react. I am not one to bear all to people, but I want to be able to this this when it is nessassary and I believe this is important in this case. He is very special to me.
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A
female
reader, AgonyAuntiee93 +, writes (4 December 2010):
say this hunn; i love you very much and i hope you know that, but i feel like i am being neglected by you, due to your addiction of computer games. i feel like you love me but not as much as a boyfriend should? i feel like you neglect me to be with your mates, playing games with them, and yet you dont see anything wrong with it... you make jokes about it down a microphone to your gaming mates. you say horrible things about me saying i will get pissed off if i dont spend time with you! This makes me feel like utter shit and that my feelings are pathetic and worthless.i feel that i have never been able to talk to you about it because of our completely different personalitys, yours being the stronger of the two. when we argue you still dont see it and you talk right through the situation from your perspective without giving me space to speak and I end up feeling like I am unreasonable.Another example of this is the fact that we have mismatch sex drives. you only wants sex once a fortnight, i would like it every other day. yeah, its up to if you dont want sex but i would like a reason on why you dont want to ave sex with me? it would be nice to have it every other night! But basically I feel really rejected by you sometimes and I have tried to put my feelings aside to respect your wishes and the fact you work hard and are tired but I am a person with feelings and desires too. When I have tried to talk about this, you always get really angry and say we have been over this, i thought you had understood. But you dont understand that for me it is an ongoing problem. Something I deal with all the time. My sex drive doesn't go away. Sometimes all the hurt just bubbles up inside and I feel so sad it makes me cry. you dont understand this and you think I do it for attention or to manipulate you to have sex with me.Ok this hasn't happened for some time but recently youhave been making jokes in public, about how you dont like sex and I find this so humiliating and hurtful because it is basically suggesting that i am undesirable and you dont want to have sex even with me as a girlfriend.. i find that quite insulting...And it kills me to say this, but sometimes i feel as if you are staying with me so you dont hurt my feelings. i love you very much and i just need you to explain babe, because i dont get it...I love you.. All my lovee, (your name)Hope this helped xx
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 It is a good way to allow you to express yourself. He will not be able to cut you off or avoid the situation unless he throws it away but I doubt he would unless he truly does not care about you.
Actually, if you re-wrote what you just posted, addressed to him, it would work perfectly. Instead of thinking that you are mad, he should see that you are breaking. Good luck. I hope this letter of yours sparks a change in him, he as a boyfriend should seek to make you as happy as you make him and right now, his selfish ways are doing little to show his desire to remain in this relationship. Make sure you talk about this afterwards, watch his behavior and listen to his words.
I hope that helps.
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