A
female
age
30-35,
*hmngbrd
writes:i have a problem, and i dont know what to do about it.... my boyfriend and i... ugh im not pleasured by our sex... BUT HE ALWAYS IS. i dont know how to tell him that im not because i dont want to make him do something he doesnt want too. but its just getting irritating because he always gets everything he wants and i do not. and i dont want to sound rude, but i like sex! i want to enjoy it too but i dont want to make him do something he doesnt want too... help//// Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Hi there! I've read your other responses to questions and it sounds like you are still very young and inexperienced.
To tackle this particular question, I have to ask you one first. Have you ever experienced an orgasm? Can you give yourself one? Because if you haven't, and you don't know what works for you, there is little chance your young and inexperienced boyfriend is going to know how to help you.
Most women do not orgasm through penetrative sex alone; virtually ALL orgasmic women do so with stimulation of their clitoris.
Somehow, it seems society has decreed that the only acceptable orgasm in penis-in-vagina. That's a pretty narrow and honestly penis-centric view of what sex should be. I dislike the idea of 'foreplay' being merely the lead-in to intercourse. I think 'foreplay' IS sex, manual and oral stimulation IS sex, intercourse is just one in a whole list of mutually enjoyable things people can do in bed.
If you are uncomfortable being physically intimate with someone, insecure in your body or sexual desirability, uncertain as to your boyfriend's happiness with you as a sexual partner, then it means you might need to do some work OUTSIDE the bedroom strengthening your intimacy and improving your self-esteem. Sex doesn't start when you get in between the sheets, it starts with what's going on in your head.
The 'anon reader' you responded to was being witty when he/she joked about 'foreplay.' I guess you didn't realize that.
How old are you? And how old is your boyfriend? That will help us understand your situation a bit more.
A
female
reader, khmngbrd +, writes (8 December 2010):
khmngbrd is verified as being by the original poster of the question You dont know what fore play? That is juss stuff u do before u play the game ya kno have intercorse as in oral sex and fingering and hand jobs haha. Its not something u do to make the person get off more of making them really turned on and pleasuring them in alot of way instead of just intercorse. Or just oral. And the going down town situation, pretty much I do want to be fully comfortable with my partner ya know. An I feel as if I am but I know im not with something especially the fact that sometimes I cover up my body so he cant see like my breasts because im also very insecure about them... Is it weird that I feel as if EVERYTHING is wrong with my body...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Nah, you're body's not weird... When it comes to female orgasms it can take a while to get used to these new sensations, to relax completely and be comfortable enough with a partner to "get there"...(correct me if I'm wrong ladies). Also some girls can't orgasm at all by penetration... at all.
If you're not a fan of guys going "downtown" then you're taking a BIG gun out of a guys arsenal when it comes to getting a girl "there".
Also I hear that something called foreplay helps...
Damned if I know what this "foreplay" contraption is, but orgasms are like pringles... once you pop you can't stop. Now ya just gotta figure out how to get the lid off ;)
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (7 December 2010):
 On average, sex isn't automatically good. For good sex you and your partner need to get to know each other and need to get used to each other. Everybody has different things that turn them on or feel good to them. Everybody is not the same. Both of you need to be open and honest about your relationship, especially when it comes to sex. Tell him what feels good and what doesn't. He should do the same.
If he's one of those people that only cares about his own pleasure and not yours... then there are more important things that need to be discussed in the relationship.
Talk to him.
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A
female
reader, khmngbrd +, writes (7 December 2010):
khmngbrd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLol actually no were not talkin bout him going down on me. Hahaha maybe I should of been more clear hahaha. But tht gave me a giggle. Im actually not a fan of guys doing that. Hahahah. But uhmm no the sex likkee idk it doesnt last very long. Heres my deal either it lastss way to long or it doesnt last long enough but to be realllllllyyyyy clear he usually gets off bout two minutes before I do. And if not he lasts way too long till its not pleasureable. Weve tried the shower thing, not for us. I juss wish it would last a tinzy bit longer, to be honest ive never had an orgasm, with anyone... Maybe my bodies just weird or something
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (4 December 2010):
 Your only two choices are either to speak up or deal with it. Sex isn't one-sided, it's not rude to let him know you'd like to enjoy it just as much as he does.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (4 December 2010):
 Tell him. If he is a good guy, he will want you to be happy in bed too. It's really not a big deal to ask for what you need. It will make both of you happier in the long run.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): there is more to bring you to orgasm than only pleasuring you with cunnilingus. Suggest you shower together, and you soap and massage him everywhere. At the same time he can do the same to you. That way he can't object to any smell if you are straight from the shower. So suggest cunnelingus as soon as you leave the shower.But if she still says no there are other things you can try You can come in multiple ways. Extremely slow rhythmnic spiral licking your nipples alternated with vertical licks by his tongue can help bring you to orgasm.Respond to all good efforts on his part with lots praise, lots arching of back, lots vaginal contractions, and squeezing his hard penis inside you. Extremely good finger work with the lightest touch of the tips of his fingers on your clitoris, and exploring the surrounding area and your outer and inner lips and feeling down the vagina and stroking. Especially stroking just inside and at the start of the inner walls of the vagina. Ensure he plays your vagina like a maestro plucking a violin and feeling for all the spots that internally excite you. Doing that should he able to bring you to orgasm.Talking to you seductively and urging you on with naughty sex talk should also excite you.Kissing and stroking and sucking your skin, especially your breasts, neck,Ears, lips, shoulders should increase your excitement level.
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A
male
reader, danny365  +, writes (4 December 2010):
well hello
i guess its a pretty normal thing that springs up from time to time.
According to me all you need to do is to sit n talk it out, discuss your needs n listen to him if he got sum genuine issues.
Good luck to u
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 Just to be clear, we're talking about him going down on you right? Why do you think that he doesn't want to?
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