A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:i am a 58 yr old black female living with a 53yr old black male.we have had our ups and downs,i first moved in with him, and we lived together for 7mos.we just recently moved back in together been here for 3months now,i feel that our relationship is built on me giving him money for staying here,or payig the bills whice i have no problem with,but sometimes when i am short because i do have outside bills that we tend to argue.he promised to marry mw this time around,said he has the ring and all,but havenot produced it yet waiting for the right moment,i don't know what to do because i tend to occupy myself with other things (not cheating)because i feel that he doesn't want to do too much of anything.please give me your opinion,i feel that iam stuck
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (10 July 2012):
 I know what you mean about trying to be positive and do positive things, then he treats you in an inconsiderate way and takes two steps back. You are not alone in experiencing this kind of treatment. Actually, this is pretty much all I am used to, so I am single at the moment. I like to think there is still love out there for us somewhere. It sounds like you have tried very hard to make him happy, now it's time for you to find happiness somewhere.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your answers,have you ever had someone tell you what you already know and feel about a situation wellthis how it is with me.it has been such a long time since i've let my guard down and i feel that because i am at the age that i am,that there may not be to much of a chance at love again,i guess you can say that i settled when i should have waited for god's direction.not saying that this man doesn't care for me,he does in his own way.but my experience with men is totally different with what i am experiencing now.i am use to men treating a lady like one, not making her feel that she's obligated to paying her way.i feel tat this man has trouble trusting me,he feels because of how he was in the past that he is reaping what he has sown.i probably could have someone else in my life, but i donn't want to cheat on him that would make things worse.it hurt me so bad one day when we both got paid,he asked me wha was i going to do about the bills,granted we had already talked and i told him it wasn't gonna be everytime i got paid that i would be able to accomadate him but i would before the month was out,he acted as if we had never discussed that,when i was living with him the first time before i moved ot i would give him 150.00 every two weeks,granted his mortgage is only 450.00/month,the he would say that that wasn't enough because the utilities was sometimes elevated.i didn't know and i don't know exactly what he wants from me,seems like every step i make toward being positive,he back tracks.when i cook the food is not hat he likes to eat,he teels his mom everything,she cooks every tuesday,and he eats there,i have just gave up on cooking,he says the only thing that i do around here is wash and fold clothes,he fails to realize that i work 12hrs shifts times a week,now granted i do have 7 days off after working grave yard shifts for 7days,it's not that dirty around here because it is him and me.we make the bed when we get up,he sometimes cook breakfast for him,and he assumes that i don't want anything,when i cook breakfast i donot assume that he is not eating,when i cook i cook for the both of us,but now i pick m e something up from the outside,he buys a little groceries mostly what he likes to eat,he is very picky,what i expect from him he seems not to understand,i am the only woman that he has lived with bearing the title his girlfrend/fiance/lover.do u think he is set in his ways,he says that he is old school,but i think not
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (10 July 2012):
A good man is not going to expect you to pay all of his bills, and he is not going to argue with you if you are sometimes short. Also, a good man is not going to insult you by telling you he has a ring and intends to marry you but then never does it. He is making excuses when he says he is "waiting for the right moment" so he can keep you around for as long as he can to pay the bills. I would kick this one to the curb for good and get a place of your own again. You don't need a man mooching off of you and promising you things that he isn't going to deliver.
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A
female
reader, couchcat +, writes (9 July 2012):
get out, hes using you, all that ring talk is just to keep you pacified, hes got it easy w/you paying the bills etc. thats exactly what it sounds like to me. sorry to be harsh, but i hate hearing when gals are paying the bills & rent etc just for "staying" there, the door swings both ways girl, and if i were you i would swing it one way...out for good
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A
female
reader, AbigailBradbury  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 It sounds like everything has kind of become routine for you two. Living together is hard and it adds pressure. You are confined to four walls together, and it can make rows seem so much bigger than they actually are.
If you ever doubt your happiness you need to have a serious think. I know that ending a relationship is the hardest thing ever. But you cannot just "plod on" because it's easier to do so and because you are settled together.
You seem worn down by it all and it seems you've gone too far now and there is no way back for you both.
Sit him down and ask him what he wants. Make him look at you (in the eyes) and tell you what he wants.
Say you're fed up of the stress of giving him money and that you're not a bank. You seem stressed out because as you said you have a life too and bills to pay. Don't ever settle for taking someone's crap. You're a lot better than that.
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A
female
reader, Soconfused234 +, writes (9 July 2012):
 Ok so first off i believe that if you don't have the ring then the moving in thing has got to stop. You should have not moved back in with him until he actually pulled out the ring and placed on your finger. And i don't understand why you are paying him anyways. Yeah its cool to help out with the bills every once in a while. Im not knocking that. But it sounds like you are paying rent. And hes supposed to be your boyfriend. If he got the ring he better pull it out quick because if i were you, I would get my stuff and make my way back out of that place. And you dont have to feel stuck in the relationship. Its your decision whether or not you want to keep dealing with this or not. It's time to be waaaayyy more independent and fix what needs to be fixed. Either he marries you and yall live an EQUAL happy life together or you leave and ask God to find you someone who is going to be paying your bills, not you paying theirs. God bless you and i hope this helps you.
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