A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is he stalling or being honest?He says he wants to marry me sometimes, but he hasn't asked. I'm afraid if I never bring it up he won't know its important to me and will forget about it for a few more years (been together a few already).But I am also afraid if I mention it so that it is on his mind too that he will think I am over eager.And..that if I act causal about it then he will think I do not care and again I could be waiting years!Sounds trivial, I know, sorry. Its just I have been with him years and we already act like a married couple and I really don't think I want to have to start 'making myself less available' etc etc.About 8 weeks ago, I said it was important to me outright to him, and since then there has been nothing said. He got a new job so he can afford to ask me, so I am thinking of giving him maybe four months to ask (it has been years!) and if he hasn't by then perhaps I should look into moving on?It seems I am looking at our relationship as a significant amount of time and he still thinks its been a relatively short time. I wish he would give me a time frame so I would know - 1 year, 2 years? But that would put pressure on us openly wouldnt it? This is really affecting my confidence levels if I am honest. I really don't want to push him, but I really don't think I can go on being happy with the way things are. I don't want it to start looking like I am begging for it, but I will be so upset if another year rolls around and he still acts the same.
View related questions:
confidence Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (12 August 2011):
Hi there. Perhaps you feel a little taken for granted, because you feel the relationship hasn't progressed any further.
You really have to look at how good you feel your relationship is. Is it good?
Does he take you to nice places, spend money on you, give you gifts when it's your birthday and other important occasions?
To work out whether you want to spend the rest of your life with him, you first have to assess the relationship for it's qualities - or lack of.
What about how well you both communicate. Do you really listen to each other? Do you feel you emotionally connect with each other? These things are all really important in any relationship and are things which keep two people wanting to be together and stay together.
Perhaps your relationship has lost some of it's "Zing", over the years. Do you feel it's fun and fairly exciting, or are you bored to tears?
You do have to be careful of what you wish for.
Life is not about the destination - marriage - but about the journey.
Some food for thought.
A
male
reader, Kyle007  +, writes (12 August 2011):
Guess what? What you are experiencing now, this is what your marriage is going to be like. Marriage is not the issue here. The real issue is that he has said he wants to marry you, but has not asked. You told him that its important to you, yet he still has not asked.So, imagine this. You FINALLY corner this guy into marrying you after all these years. Good. Now you are married. You got what you want.Then he says he wants to have kids, but you guys never get around to it.He says he wants to move into a new home, but never gets around to it.He says he wants to take you on a vacation, but never gets around to it.You two can get those rings on your finger, but its not going to change who he is.I can't say right or wrong about how long you have been involved. What is important is that you agree on it.
...............................
|
